Poor self regulation... how will they learn to do this?

[justTess]

Sometimes, I can run throught the ODD checklist with my teen and find that he matches these criterias.  He did not have this when he was much younger, so I'm reserved to think that most of this is teenage agnst.  One thing seems to repeat itself... as his poor ability to see his actions affect others.  For example, when he was 10, he often wouldn't know his own strength while playing with others and ended up having friends not wanting to wrestle.  Now that he's a teen, he claims his brother (or anyone else) is being a big "baby" and his playing around "didn't hurt".  I wonder when will he learn this?  He's quite upset and mad and believes others are trying to get him in trouble.

Oddly, as he reads Ayan Rand's novels, Ceasar, or any other text for school... he can easily pick out the cause and effects, quandries, as well as complex relationships occuring in the story.  I hear more excuses for his behavior instead of taking responsibility and come up with a solution.

If this is part of ADHD, what kind of therapies are out there to assist him with self-regulating and motivation?

[Ted A Grossbart, Ph.D.]

It is probably my personal bias but I like to keep theology and psychology somewhat separate.  If his stopping being a bully has to wait for progress in debates that have been going on for centuries--good luck.

One thought would be the right martial arts program.  If you can find one run by 'tough guys' who believe in the just and compassionate use of force, it could work wonders.

tg

[Ted A Grossbart, Ph.D.]

It may be my personal bias,  but my inclination would be to try and separate theology from psychology.  If his not being a bully is contingent on the results of debates that have been going on for centuries, good luck.  

Another thought would go to possibly a martial arts program run by 'tough guys' who are into using force responsibly and compassionately.

tg

[Ted A Grossbart, Ph.D.]

As disturbing as it is, much of this sounds like the result of the classic testosterone pickled, underdeveloped adolescent male brain.  The odds are very good time will cure it.  

As to therapy, I'd focus more on finding a person he 'clicks' with more than the particular type of approach.  The majority of therapists are eclectic and the labels are often misleading.

Many guys his age have little interest in or patience for therapy.  Some sort of activity or sports based program where the therapy is slipped in between the lines may be another option.  Sorry I can't be more specific.

tg

[justTess]

Thank you for your reply.  It seems difficult to find that type of help though I think we're on the right track.  I've managed to find a Christian therapist who is eagar to challenge part of his aethist confusion logically.  It seems most of the coaches do not want to deal with his intellectual debate while he is a bit phsycally aloof.

I keep looking for an easier answer however, you aren't the first person who told me to sit tight and wait a couple of years.  It seems like an oxymoron to be so emotionally immature while academically succesful.