my family and me

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I am almost 20.I have some issues i think they are related with my father.Anyway he has a bad temper,and i try to convince him to go to therapy with my mother because they fight really bad and it really affects me .He needs to go because he gets angry from various things and screams and abuse us emotionally.He said he will leave us because he can get along with mom and doesn't want to hurt us anymore..I told him go in therapy with mom and he said therapy won't help .How should i convince him to go to therapy?For example he said to me :your grandmother-mom's mother always make noise in the morning and i can not sleep,i told her not do noise but he still does it,she just can not change,your mother and grandmother are too stubborn so therapy won't help us.He gets annoyed from variuous things,like if my mother moves something to clean and then he doesn'find that thing he begins to scream at her(Why did you have to clean it?).and then they fight reaaly bad he abuses her verbally.
Everything starts from something like this.What should i convince him go to therapy?

[Ted A Grossbart, Ph.D.]

This is all part of therapy and not a reason to stop.  Therapy is very hard for many people, but if you drop the ball you will stay stuck.  Go back and take whatever you feel that moment as an important part of the process and report as much of it as you are able.

You can go in and describe the overall problem  to the therapist without getting into details that you are not ready to talk about.  

Be careful about the danger of using this forum as a more comfortable (but much less effective) substitute for therapy.

tg

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Perhaps this is the mos important issue because
1-if i would what it bodders me 2 times to therapist ,let's say two weeks appart the stories would be different,i do not have the same complaints always because i overanalyze and don't know what exactly is happening t me
2-when it is time to talk to a therapist i feel so stressed,and i experience nasty feeling,i feel on the verge of emotional collapse,i feel tormented,and i feel so bad that it comes to my mind that maybe if i would tell him something embarassing about me i would be more reliefed,you know,and this in turn makes me more nervous and stressed,because i do not want to tell him ebarrsing things, about me masturbating or sexual fantasies,so it is cycle wich goes on and on,and then i start feeling guilty because i didn't go to therapy,and feel guilty fo not having told him embarassing things to be more reliefed emotionally,because i feel i will explode emotionally and physically.
So that is why i do not go again to another therapist

[Ted A Grossbart, Ph.D.]

I can only guess based on very limited information here. I am very ready to be wrong on the specifics.   I don't think the specific diagnosis is really what matters here.  

The main point is that you are miserable and need to get professional help for yourself.  

It is understandable to be concerned about your parents  but that concern seems to be getting in the way of getting the help YOU need.

Forums are great but you need to sit down with a competent professional.

tg

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I am not sure my issues have to do with the abuse of my father,because he untill i was 13 i did pretty,i was confident,very competitive,optimistic,and sometimes i felt a little bit depressed but for a very short time,anyway i was doing good.I never liked when my father screamed at me and offended me but that wasn't happened all the time.I only disliked those moments,but between his outburst i had a normal life and we had a good realationship.I am scared when you say that i may have complex ptsd because it sound pretty bad and maybe thre isn't the case .As i said did well untill 13 and i can not say that i have scars from the time he offended  me and screamed at me,it i don't like it to remember because i feel a little depressed and weak but it is not like i can not sleep at night because of some memories,no .I think that maybe the abuse has his part in my issues but it is not so big,like complex ptsd etc,maybe i have something more simpler.It really scares me the thought that i myght have something so bad like complex ptsd,or ptsd,it makes me feel week,and depressed

[Ted A Grossbart, Ph.D.]

Given the level of abuse you described in the last discussion (if I remember correctly)  it is no surprise you are suffering real distress.  Your anxiety, depression, and other symptoms are the "normal reaction to that abnormal situation."  

You really need to get help for yourself.  Here you are focusing on getting your parents into therapy when your first priority needs to be getting help for yourself.

tg

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Today he told me he would go to therapy but only if mom goes with him and now my mother doesn't want to go with him to therapy..I would like to leave everything behind but i don't feel well either.I feel something in the back of my miond still bodders me and it happens to me many times,when i speak with someone,when i am in a group,or when i have to something,instead of being motivated to do well as i used to be when i was younger i feel terrible,like wanting to cry but i can't,i feel i need to let go ,but i do not know how,.I feel this need to let go in my chest,i feel it in my stomach,i feel it in my body,something is hanging in there.When i see people happy,talkoing to eachother with no worries at all,the i feel so pressured,so scared and i feel the need to let it go,but i am scared .,i feel like crying.

[Ted A Grossbart, Ph.D.]

At your age you need to focus on getting out of the house and living your own life.  

You have said in earlier posts that convincing your father to stop abusing you and your mother has gone nowhere--why would that be any different now?

Your mother has been unable or unwilling to leave him.  It sounds like his leaving would be good news but it is unlikely to happen as they are stuck in a sado-masochistic dance.

Don't take saving them as your mission, it is Mission Impossible. Don't use their problems as an excuse to not face the challenges of living your own life.

tg