Sounds like OCD is not the only problem. It seems as if there is another underlining issue. Perhaps because of the OCD she may feel extremely depressed. She may have self confidence issues because of it that cause her to act out in other ways. (checking up on your Dad for example ). Has she ever had past experiences that may play apart in her not trusting your father? (such as in her own family growing up) Just some thoughts, but I am not a doctor. I hope that things can change for her and your family.
i appreciate your response. i guess it was hard to me to write everything thats occured over the last 10 years...my father (and my entire family) have tried talking to her together, and all individually. no marriage is perfect, but he has offered to seek counseling or therapy or anything to help with this behavior. every time something like that is even brought up - during a week of her episode or just a regular good day - she flips out saying were the nuts ones and just wont hear of it. again, she is never wrong and its everyone else. i wish there was a a way we could make her go speak with someone...we cry and beg and finally my dad thought seeing a lawyer would just be another tatic and it just getting more and more hopeless......
Personally, I don't think you're listening to your mother's story. Perhaps her behavior is because nobody is listening and hearing what she is trying to say. Sometimes one is not able to put words to experiences and emotions as they are pre-verbal.
Not being understood or validated by others can drive dysfunctional behaviors.
How can he be the perfect husband if instead of providing support he takes the easy option and sees a lawyer? Based on what you write I wouldn't call that perfect. I would call it cowardly or frustrated beyond belief.
Talking to her calmly when she is so distressed isn't likely to be very effective.
Usually strong boundaries and limits help with these behaviors.
Have her see a family physician or a psychiatrist.
Therapy may also help the situation.
I'm sorry I can't talk for longer.
J
The big issue here is getting her help. It sounds like you have tried everything. It also sounds like your mother might have a much more serious mental problem than ocd. The only other thing I can think of is a formal intervention. There are people who specialize in creating a family intervention for substance abuse people. Even though that is not the diagnosis , the techniques they use may be what will get her into professional treatment, which she defintely needs.