Bi-Polar VS Borderline Personality Disorder

[Jeanette]

I have been diagnosed with depression.  I am on medication. It has seemed to lifted... I am alot happier.  But my focus of the depression was on my boyfriend.  I still cannot decide and have mood swings when for an hour or so I will be happy and think I really DO love him again, and the next I am not to sure and keep questioning my actions.  Is this normal for depression?  Or does it sound more like Bi-Polar or Borderline Personality Disorder OR something else?  When I was weaning off Paxil.... I had hardly NO withdrawl symptoms.. and I was on 40mg.  I have switched to Wellbutrin 150mg once a day.  I keep questioning myself about alot of things, like I am always unsure if my own feelings and knowing which are my own.  Any suggestions?  Thank You.  Jeanette
P.S  I am seing a Psychologist and had my first appointment last week with my Psychiarist.  But I don't want to keep putting unwanted and unneeded meds in my body IF I don't need them or they are the wrong kind?  Please Help.

[empatheticpisces]

I have been diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I can tell you some of my symptoms in the event it might help you (I hope) I think one of my *main* issues is the "characters* I play. I go through these phases (the only thing I can call them) and i always have as a child they seem to happen more oftne. It is like I build this personality like changing my haircolor, clothes, political ideals, things I am interested in and I immerse myself in these things until i move on to the next 'obsession' It is like I do not know a real me, I take on part of other people and have a need to meld into any relationship I am in. i have majors problem with disassociation especially in regard to intimiacy issues. Horrible Nightmares, highs n lows, mood swings, and this strange ability to "push people's buttons" oh and the arguments it is like I feel sooo justified when i am doing it. And I can not drop it I will follow them through the house so I can say what I have to say..like i create this huge drama and I feel like i am defending myself while I am doing it but later feel bad that the person i had the argument with will not let it go and i hate having to apologize. i do it because I need to but I do not really feel bad or that I was wrong, just that I was too harsh about it. Of course this type of behavior has GREATLY decreased over the years. Major abandonment issues, I will "what if" something to death, constantly looking for betrayal, accusing people I love of things they never did. In the past I had abusive or unhealthy relationships, problems with drug and alcohol, inability to keeo not only romantic relationships but friendships as well. It is like everyone is on a point system with me and i have these rules that if they break then I am disappointed and I do not want anything to do with them. I do not really ever remember going back and forth on how I feel sbout someone like yopu spoke of, but i am constantly looking for them to break my rules and when they do...that is it. Oh and overeating (I was bulimic when i was younger),Self-mutilation (as a teen), I do still overspend like made, like large sums of money if if I know it is my car payment it is like I HAVE to have it..I could not physically make myself not spend...Writing all this I sound really insane..lol Also i think my inability to finish things (like changing my major sooo many times) I am 27 and i started college in 93 and I STILL have not graduated..I keep starting and stopping..etc..Esentially i kinda live my life from one drama to the next. i am in therapy now. I have 2 wonderful therapists. I am currently on Serzone 400mg a day and it really has evened out the rollercoaster effect and has made my very tough therapy sessions so much more manageable. :) Plus for the first time in my life I am in a healthy relationship with someone that sits boundaried for me and will not allow me to steamroll them no matter how mean I act, and if I start acting out he asks me "why are u scared" And I immediately stop and my emotions try to catch up with my intellectual understanding. i am really rambling. i hope it helped some :)Take care.

Melissa

[Jeanette]

Thank you very much for your kind words in both of my posts.  the more I research about a particular illness ex. Borderline Personality Disorder the more it sounds like me.  At the beginning of everything.... almost 5 months ago... it was definatly depression.  I still can't deal with my own feelings but I guess as you said that will take time and therapy.  Thank you very much :o}   jeanette

[grrlfriend]

Jeanette,

It's true, what the diagnosis isn't half as important as that you get proper care for what you are experiencing.  Lots of experts believe that Borderline is actually just a form of BP anyways.

When you see your new psych doc, you might want to ask about DBT therapy, which is a newish method of treating these kinds of mood swings and identity conflicts.  It has proven to be among the best treatments for BPD and also is effective with Bipolar Disorder.

As to meds, why not use whatever works, in conjunction with supervision from your qualified therapist or doctor.  The meds will help your depression, and the other symptoms/feelings can be worked on in therapy.  If a certain medication does nothing for you, then it's time to consider discontinuing it, but there's no risk in trying them to see what works for you.


For a list of regional mental health providers trained in DBT, go to:
http://www.dbt-seattle.com


Good luck, and don't give up!

Grrlfriend

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

What you describe is not really a symptom of any particular disorder and is not what one makes a diagnosis upon. The best approach is working with your psychologist to understand your own thinking/worrying dynamics and learning a new way to make decisions and process your feelings.