Did I turned gay or this is HOCD?

[will237]

Hi,
thanks for helping me, I am a 18 years old male
For all my life i've been a straigh man, I remember dreaming of girls and getting arroused, I masturbated to straight pornography, and I knew I was totally straight. But 1 month ago, I became arroused after reading a gay story somewhere. And then I became asking me if I was gay or not constantly, I did get arroused thinking about penises, but I just don't understand, i never been like that. Did I turned gay? I've always been straight, I cannot sleep at night anymore, I dont know what to do. Is it hormonal? Please help im totally depressed, when I am alone, I cry.I wanna get back to what I was before. I am always thinking about it and can't get it out of my head. Plus for a while, I seem to get less erections then before  while watching pornography. Am I bi? I just don't understand what is happening to me. I have a girlfriend that I think love, I have seen her this weekend and we french kissed and hug and I had an erection.

P.S.
I took an apointment with a psychiatrist for this week, I think I am in severe depression. I though of commiting suicide several times

Thanks alot

[i_am_who_i_am]

I think the fact that you are asking this question might be a good indication that you are probably not gay. However if you do have ocd receiveing that answer will be of no use to you. Infact any answer that is reassurance will not help but only further your problem. Try telling yourself "ya maybe i am gay oh well I guess Ill know in time" really that response would be the best answer you could give yourself. For those with anxiety the best approach is to accept the thought of what it is you fear. Its all about desensitizing yourself to what it is you are fearing. By the way having a sexual response to a sexual thought is very normal in all cases. Our minds are programmed to find sex in general arousing so some of the most disgusting or normal thoughts of sexual content will give people a sexual response its just the way it is. Some people have a gronial response to children eventhough they would never in a million years even dream of touching a child.Its just our minds conditioned to automatically respond in such a way. Also if the sexual act you are getting gronial responses to is one that you pesonally find wrong or bad or socially unacceptable then you may even be more likely to have a gronial response to it because you are trying to so hard not to.

[Paxiled]

Actually, no.  OCD would need compulsive behavior, not just obsessive thoughts.  All mental illness consists of obsessive thinking.

[milanfc10]

dude read the boards sounds like hocd.  Because your a guy and you get a boner over another dude or his penis is normal.  Now you have intrusive thoughts over the being gay. Thats a form of OCD.  

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

I am glad you are seeing a psychiatrist.  The fear of being gay is less about the possibility of being gay than it is about something else deeper that is bothering you, including your suicidal thoughts and depression.  There is where you need to go to get help.

[will237]

P.S.
By the way, these thoughs disgust me