Distressing, painful obsessions

[ames9]

I have been struggling with a meds change over two yrs and am glad to have added Lithium, which has been great on the mood front. However, for 18 months I have had obsessive thoughts about a couple I knew. I was casual friends with the girl but she rejected me as she felt I was not effusive enough to her when she announced her engagement to me. I was in the midst of terrible side effects of this new drug and could hardly lift my eyes from the floor as everything looked so distorted due to the new meds. Later, a mutual acquaintance let me know about this. She clearly could not empathise with even the mildest of symptoms. Although anxiety-inducing, I tried to get in touch to explain but no go. Anyway, the weirdest thing is I cannot get her fiance out of my head! I get drawn into dissociative daydreams where all these themes and scenes are played out where I tend to get my point of view or character traits validated. I had this before many years ago with an ex who was much older, an abusive man. my father was like the immediate latter. It is awful as always with me, this obsession, and i had no feelings with this guy ! We weren't proper mates, just acquaintances. He is a symbol of something but i don't know what, exactly. A compensation mechanism at some level. But how do i get rid of it? Any advice much appreciated.

[Jaquta]

I'm not sure if the doctor will respond.  He often just responds to the initial question.
I think writing out your story could be beneficial if you think you could get closure from aspects of it.  I often thought of doing that myself but I think it was because I was so stuck and couldn't move on.
You will know your own situation best and if you think it could help then do it.
Don't do it at the expense of confronting issues and living your life though.
Maybe writing a book is also a way of establishing a sense of control.  It almost seems as through writing it out would validate your own feelings.  It could also be seen as a way to purge yourself of emotions.  Maybe the emotions are too intense and you need to lose some of the burden??

Maybe the problem is cut off emotions from your father??  (Object relations)
I think you only get rid of it by working through it.

I think it is the wounds to your sense of self (from the rejections) that need working on.  I could be wrong.  I was just trying to put myself in that situation.  I don't think the abandonment is as significant as the self.  Although it does affect it.
I have no qualifications in counseling, etc so I'm only speaking from experience from some of my own therapy sessions.  (And guided in part by what the expert here says.)

[Jaquta]

If you feel writing would be helpful then you should do it.  If you start and decide it's no longer useful then you can always stop and reevaluate the situation then.

I hope your therapy session went/ goes well.  
I think many of us have issues (some major, some minor) with our T's from time to time.  If you feel unhappy with your T then you should discuss this with them.  I had a T who reiterated the importance of the therapeutic relationship.  Without the relationship it is difficult to build a platform from which to work.

Keep in mind the doctors comments because I think they provide good direction.

Good luck with everything.

[Paxiled]

Some meds cause obsessive thinking.  Paxil did for me.  Just something to keep in mind if this wasn't a problem for you before you were on medication.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

There is no simple way to get through an obsession..it is something you will have to work out in psychotherapy...from what you have said it is obviously an attempt to master the self doubts created by these rejections...but the mind is very complicated.  It means something, and leads somewhere, so work with your doctor to follow the trail.

[Richter_Belmont]

you need to calm yourself (like sit in a chair), realizing that your mind runs so fast, (its like you don't stop thinking,uncontrollable thoughts etc.)and you need to slow things down... stop thinking for a while and meditate. if your in a quiet place feel the sounds of the air or sounds of the bird etc.

i believe it will comfort you and will give you a piece of mind.

[ames9]

Thanks for all your helpful answers. I do think there is a lot of truth in it being to do with working out wounds.
Also, I think writing my life story would help purge, validate my emotions and maybe create more closure.
I am not too happy with my current therapist but will see what happens this session.
The obsessions started 6 months after my meds change, but I appreciate that some meds are definitely better than others at keeping a handle on obsessions.
Thanks again.

[ames9]

Thanks!

I think you are right. What do you think about the benefits of writing out one' s life story for oneself, for therapeutic reasons?