Dear daughter2249,
Thanks for posting your query.
I understand your concern and appreciate the effort that you have made to help someone in need.
As of now, your father has several symptoms like irritability, stubbornness, excessively planning ahead, possibly suspicion, a history of depression for 30 years and reluctance to seek appropriate treatment.
These symptoms are infrequently seen in depression alone and are possibly suggestive of other co-existing psychiatric issues.
I would suggest that you live with him for a few more days or visit him again whenever possible and persuade him to see a psychiatrist.
If there has been a dramatic change in behaviour or this dysfunction is leading severe social problems, I would suggest that you get him to consult a psychiatrist as soon as possible.
Given his long history of depression, it might be possible to convince him to visit his old psychiatrist again.
I hope I have answered your query. I shall be available for follow up queries.
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Best Regards,
Dr. Ashish Mittal
If this woman is of sound mind and sound body, it is up to her to make this decision. Unless she comes to you and asks for help, or unless there is a real violent act and there are police involved, you need to stay out of it. I know this to be true as I intervened twice with my mother abusing the men she was with, and when all said and done, they went back to her and they both wouldn't talk to me! It IS your problem, but then again, it ISN'T.
I agree with you. What I am thinking of doing is simply saying to them both that my father's behavior is abusive and I don't like it. I'd like a doctor's opinion on whether the behaviors I have described are examples of abuse. If so it would help me be more comfortable in saying it that way. I really don't like people being treated like that in my home. Also, my Dad would like to go on vacations with us. I don't want to spend a week of my vacation time being subjected to this, nor do I think it is good for my kids to be around it very much. Personally I also think my Dad should see a psychiatrist and my step-mother should seek counseling. But I am not a mental health expert and I'd like to know what an expert would say about the behavior I have described. I don't think my father would get physically violent but I really can't be sure. They both like to drink and I don't spend a lot of time around them to really know.
Your father's behavior is abusive and controlling. Near the end of your posting I was alarmed to see they both drink. Your father is 70 and with the long history of depression, he could have many co-existing conditions, such as alcoholism and dementia (early). I would not doubt there highly likely is physical abuse. Physical abuse follows closely after verbal abuse.
It is hard to get help because HIPPA prevents medical personnel from discussing his and her health issues.
You may be able to get help by calling Adult Protective Services. I do not know how it will turn out as these services vary state to state. At least you know you will have done what you can.
Also, the wife cannot be helped if she does not recognize there is a problem or if she does not want help. I am sorry you have to witness this painful situation.