Could I have BPD?

[wembley111]

Im desperate for some help in understanding my behavior. For the last 5 years I have been suffering with symptoms of depression, insecurity, anger and the inability to behave normally in a relationship.
On the outside I appear completely normal an can generally get on with a normal life, work is fine, friends are fine. However, 6 months after a breakup 6 years ago, I had what i thought was a breakdown.I had uncontrollable bouts of highs and lows, panic attacks, anorexia, and thoughts of suicide. I did improve and put things back on track, however Ive never been able to have a relationship, without acting irrationally since... assuming the person does not or could not love me. picking fights over nothing. bouts of crying and joy that can happen all in a single day. Friends have noticed that im ultra sensitive and witnessed when ive been totaly out of order with my partner, whome has since split up with me. I have recurrent nightmares, frequent mouth ulcers, episodes of binge eating and starvation, I also have episodes of complete memory loss, but these are often associated with drinking alcohol. I cant bare to be alone, but push anyone close away.
I have just had implanon hormonal implant removed as i feared it was giving me mood swings but im not sure it was that causing it.
I have had a lot of trauma, that i put my behavor down to>I was raped at 16 and never told anyone,then a 7 year relationship with someone who focused allsex on wearing womens underware. a two year relationship with an ex heroin addict. I lost my dad to cancer 4 years ago. and havent kept a boyfriend since. But i really thought i had put this aside.
Im just not sure if my behavor is a coping mechanism, or if i have a mental disorder i could get help for.
Im living in mexico now, and my home country is England. So it is quite difficult as my spanish is still a little poor, to find a therapist or even a doctor to talk to about this.
Any advice would be truely appreciated.
thanks

[zack32]

I am not a Dr.However the amount of emotional baggage you carry around I'm sure is playing a very big part in how you are reacting to certain situations. Every body has a breaking point and seems as if you hit that several years back.You maybe still dealing from the effects of that. I think that a good therapist, someone you can talk to, would be important. You should also be able to find an English speaking Dr. in Mexico, it may just take a little investigating. If you can't find one maybe try writing down your feelings in a dairy. Perhaps keeping track of your feelings in certain situations can help you to avoid those situations in the future,knowing that it makes you upset.
Well I hope some of this can of help and that you get the needed peace you need.

[drenfro_d118]

Please read ALL the books by Marya Hornbacher..."Wasted," and "Madness." They will help you reconnect and feel "normal" after what she writes about and I use many of he coping suggestions. I'ts not a "preachy" read, just real....like Augustine Burroughs....he's good too!
Good luck and we are many!

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

You got some good advice from  zack, and you are started on the path I would recommend. Keep one thing in mind when you are in therapy...you need to separate the past bad experiences from the current reality when you start with a new boyfriend.   You have been sabotaging relationships by picking hard men to trust, and trust is what is bothering you the most....pick someone trustworthy and don't botch it up by over testing him because you are so mistrustful.

[wembley111]

Thank you zack32, i am currently seeking a therapist right now. I am definately going to start a journal, as it does seem recording things will help. As it has just writing down my issues on here.
Thankyou for your time to reply to my problem