Self-sabotaging behavior

[Marion]

For the past two years, my 22 year old son has made goals for himself, worked very hard to achieve them, then at the last minute does something to sabotage and destroy his chances of reaching the goal.  He will then start over again to reach the goal, then sabotage his chances of reachaing it again.

As a small child, I saw him do similar things-pull his sled to the top of a steep hill after sledding down, then just as he got to the top, let it go sliding back down the hill again.  Another time, after picking up nearly all his Tinkertoys and putting them in the can, he knocked the can over spilling them all out again and having to pick them up all over.  He always seemed to choose doing things the hard way, too, arguing and fighting to have to do things he was asked to do.  

This behavior seemed to subside for a number of years, seeming to go away entirely until the time for him to go to college when it began again. This behavior worries me.  He has trouble taking responsibility for himself and his actions, blaming is failures on others.  Is there a name for this behavior?  Is it treatable?  He is a sensitive, sweet, friendly young man but always seems to be punishing himself and making life very hard for himself. Any insight you can give would be appreciated.  I am encouraging him to get counseling, which I hope he will do.  Thanks so much for you time.

[L.G.]

Iam looking for info on munchousens disorder by proxy iam very concerned i believe a family member may be harming her children she currntly has a new baby in and out of the hospital who never shows many of her symptoms in the presences of anybody other than than herself her other children always have stomache and many other symptoms from what i know of this disease. please help with more info.

[sm]

Dear Betty,

I, too, have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)and your sons behavior sounds very much like my own.
(I'm also Bi-Polar.)

Through therapy, I've learned to recognize my patterns of behavior and then work on correcting them - (hopefully before the sabotage takes place).  Sometimes I am not successful.

BUT - sometimes I am. It's always a give and take and I've realized that it's up to me to make things happen for the good.  Plus, through therapy and medication, I've learned not to sabotage myself and I'm finally becoming successful both professionally and personally. (I'm 39 years of age, never been married, no children, never owned a home and I've never had a job which lasted more than a year and a half - until now.)

BPD takes a very long time to correct itself (so to speak).  Therapy is the only way he'll learn how to re-wire his brain - change the pathways which make up his current behavioral patterns.  BPD, at the moment, is your sons personality - It's who he is. Find a good therapist and psychiatrist for him.  Otherwise you'll have a forty year old couch potato son still living at home.

I hope this has helped.

[HFHS M.D.-SW]

Dear Marion,

It must be difficult trying to understand your son's behavior.

From the history you've described, your son may have a borderline personality.

In Borderline Personality the sufferer may present with mood swings, impulsive behavior (spending sprees, substance abuse), self mutilating or suicidal behavior, difficulty maintaining longterm relationships, alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation, feelings of emptiness similar to depression.

Your son may have some of the traits of this personality disorder.
Fortunately, treatment with a therapist may help your son identify the behaviour and its consequences.

Best Wishes,


HFHS M.D.-SW