anger

[worryabouteverything]

I have been married 37 yrs. and put up with physical abuse, untell I called the police. The physical stopped and then the verbal began worse, the 2 always went hand in hand. I beleaved God would fix him. Im beginning to think if he doesnt want to be fixed he wont. its affecting all my family. He acts so nice in front of everyone else, but at home hes evil. HELP!!!  I take anxiety meds, so does my youngest son, because we are always on eggshells. everything is always everyone elses fault. I even went begging our family Dr. to do some Brain work on him, and he made a appointment, but my Husband as usual said if everyone else would straighten up, he would be fine, i think the Dr. took it Hook line and sinker, because, he NEVER ordered brain scans on him. Im at the end of my Rope, I want a Legal Seperation, but dont have the Money for a Lawayer. Can you help me?

[Jaquta]

Your husband sounds as though he is in denial.  If it weren't you upsetting him it would be something else.  He may not be able to control his environment but he can work on his perception of events, etc so he has some control over what he thinks and feels and how he behaves.

If I were a doctor I probably wouldn't be ordering brain scans, etc on him.  Not unless there was a very subtle change in behavior or personality or some other good reason to indicate one.

There are different systems in place in different countries.
I have been talking to someone recently who has been accessing woman's aid and social services.  Someone from woman's refuge may also be able to advise and direct you.  ??

I think you and your children are best away from an abusive spouse and father.  This could be either temporarily or permanent but the abuse needs to stop.  It is not OK, ever!!

There is an abuse community forum here which may be able to offer advice.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

You have a big ongoing chronic problem, there are no easy fixes. I suggest you get some professional help to guide you to the right decisions...if you can't afford it, you can start to get some free help from a program I have on line at www.myvirtualshrink.com