im worried about my mental health

[fen3]

i might be just feeling sorry 4 myself. im 15, so doin my GCSE's so am feeling quite stressed about them, but thats normal, i know that. thats not what im asking about. i find goin 2 school realy hard, not actualy physicly getting there, but the idea of getting up and going and being in school, having 2 learn and spend time with my freinds. the whole idea of it feels awful. i dont like being with them, i used 2, but now the idea of bein with them is tirsome and i just cant be bothered, i have freinds out of school as well who i love spending time with so its not because i am sudenly afraid of people. i feel realy angry and frustrated all of the time and im not coping very well. as soon as im on my own i become realy destructive, not outwards, self destructive. over the past 6 months or so i  have on several occasions cut myself, and then i hate myself for doing that. i have tried hard 2 cut down on it (no pun intended) so now i slap myself around the face and punch my arm, it actualy hurts more, but it doesnt leave a mark, so less 2 hide, but you dont get the satisfaction of feeling a blade in you and watching the blood. ok that was very graphic, please dont think im disturbed. i have 2 read, draw, play piano constantly or i get like this. it makes sleeping hard. im afraid 2 be alone, when i get in that state, its like im sum1 else, it seems like the only way 2 get through 2 myself, but then later it discusts me. im always tired and annoyed, and i dont have anything 2 be annoyed about, i mean, im not starving, i dont have abusive perants,im not failing at school, but i am still realy destructive. i am a pacifist, but i get urges 2 punch people/myself and pull things apart. im so angry and i dont even know why. i also have little visions, like dreams, but im awake, some are weird, some are realy quite disturbing and some are even humorous. not helpful in exams etc. i take evrything out on my freinds and boyfreind, i realy dont want 2 hurt them. thanks 4 any help. x

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

The best advice I can give you is to talk to your parents about helping you find a therapist to sort this out in your mind...there is a lot going on, and you need the privacy of working with a therapist to get to the anger at yourself that is being expressed.  This is a good time of life for you to learn more about yourself, and some good exploration now will make your life a lot easier now, and later.

[zack32]

Hi,
The Doc. has given you some great advice. Your parents are the ones who are going to know you best and be able to help because they are there with you. However I can understand how it could be difficult to tell someone you know  how you feel. So I offer you this advice in the hopes that you can apply it and find some peace and hope as I did when I was younger. If you know of someone (if not you can contact me) who is a Jehovah's Witness contact them. They will be able to give you a book that answers many of your questions. The book is titled " Questions Young People Ask, Answers That Work". There are two volumes, but I think volume one section 4 will be most important for you to read. All I ask is that you don't let the term Jehovah's Witnesses scare you from getting the help you need right now. They will not judge you in any way or think of you in an ill manner. If you don't want to speak to one of them directly I can give you the proper web address so that you can order the book if you want. Material from them is free of charge and it will never cost you anything to talk to them or receive literature. I hope that you  can find some peace and comfort in any action you take.

[fen3]

i would tell my mum, exept im realy worried shed be worried about me, she already on prozac and olazapine 4 her mental health, and my dads an alcholic who im ot that close 2. i do have a few close freinds who i would feel comfortable telling, but i am realy clueless on finding a councilor, and im not sure if i went id be able 2 say, i might be 2 embarrised, but id give it a go. what do you do? like see a normal doctor and they will tell you where 2 go? or do u book straight with a councilor? i dont want 2 disapoint my perants by tellin them i self-harm. i love them 2 much and i think it would hurt them 2 know i wasnt happy with myself, my mum would certainly think she was a bad mother, when shes actualy super.but i could go see a dr. with a freind, i dont know, i realy need 2 speak 2 someone who knows what they are talking about though, i feel like i am going 2 implode. thanks. x