Basically I am 25 almost 26 and I hate everything and everyone. I have a ****** home life ( i still live at home) I work 2 jobs and i am always tired. I am terrified of the idea of meeting new people, in my mind everyone is out to get you and will screw you over if givin the opportunity. (Based on my life i believe this is true) Every man i have ever dealt with has been mentally if not physically abusive so i have givin up on the idea of Marriage, kids or "Mr. Right"! Its easier for me to be mad then it is for me to be happy. When i see people that are too happy it just makes me more angry! I have a ton of debt since I shop to fill a void that i have in my life. I buy things waaayy out of my budget and live far beyond my means yet I am still unhappy and i still live at home Sometimes it makes me happy to make other people angry....in a sense its like "welcome to my world" to them, I know this is NOT normal. I feel like a kid trapped in a adults body. My mother is a pain med addict who once almost overdosed on cocaine, but still will NEVER admit to it and it MAKES ME CRAZY....like she thinks im stupid or somthing. I have been on anti depressants but toke myself off without consulting my Doctor for fear of ending up like my mother. (dont get me wrong I love her more than life) I have been to councelling but can no longer afford it due to my debt. I have yet to go to college and cannot make any decision on my own, i even call my ONE friend sometimes to have her help me decide what to eat for lunch. Im fake and i pretend like i have a great life...when really i think about offing myself almost every single day.....now i just feel like its only a matter of time...till i get the guts to do it. I HATE living like this....I just want to be happy without having to buy things to feel that way...i want to be happy even if i was naked and homeless, just genuine untouchable happiness that comes from within. I used to be...Now im just anxious depressed and always angry. HELP!