Hi everyone,
This is a long one....
My ex boyfriend/fiance of 12 years broke up with me and moved on in a matter of weeks with his 20 year old coworker. He is 32 years old. We had been fighting on and off for a few months before the final breakup in January where he actually moved to another room in the house. We've been talking this out for 2 months now as I have had to continue living with him (we live with his parents) due to winter weather, my job, packing etc. I am originally from a different state 4 hours away and moved here to be with him over 10 years ago. Everything I have is here and I am still in love with him. I have tried everything to get him to come back but he claims he had been getting over me since September all while still sleeping next to me and doing everything normally with me. He slowly got to ween himself off of me for months even while obviously looking for a replacement for me then left me to be utterly alone and start from scratch. Since the breakup he has turned to alcohol, drugs, partying, sleeping around, not coming home etc. Leaving his family and I to worry about him. It has literally been unbearable for me to watch the person I love do all of this which is completely the opposite of how he's always been and flaunting it on my face while I'm not even able to function because he is gone. The most hurtful thing about it all is that he promised me he would not bring any women around the house for the couple of months until I move out and he basically moved this new girl in. She is here almost every night and I have to watch the person I love move on in the room right next me. He then told me he never said he wouldn't do this but even if he did he's not putting his life on hold for me. He swears he did not cheat on me or even "look at her like that" until we broke up officially but I know otherwise. It's like I'm watching them have the same relationship we had. He takes her to the same places they sit and watch TV like we did he talks the same way to her it's torture. He is also very pushy with me about us remaining friends and even keeps pushing me to hang out with him and his new girlfriend constantly even though he knows how upsetting this all is for me. I feel like he almost is trying to hurt me on purpose but then he will be nice and come talk to me or take me for coffee etc. He was my first and only boyfriend we've been together since we were 18. I am in therapy and have tried everything possible to get over him and try to move on but I relapse constantly. My biggest issue is that I am unclear on the best place for me to go to actually move on. He thinks I should stay here and find an apartment or roommate and just live here and see him as friends once in a while. I do like my job and my coworkers also don't want me to leave and I feel like I'm letting them down by leaving. My family is in my home state and want me to come back home and get away from him to try to heal. My third option is moving very far away to Florida (I'm in the northeast right now) with other family and go to school, get a job and start over somewhere I have never been. I am terrified to make this choice and I don't know what would be best for me. I do like where I'm at now but I only have my coworkers and his family here and I know if I stay here it would probably be for the wrong reasons as I would be hoping he would come back if I'm still here even after everything he did to me. Florida sounds great but it's a huge move and I'm scared that it's too far away and I won't like it. I don't have alot of time to make the decision and I'm panicking. Any advice would be so helpful. I am stuck. I feel like I can't let go of him and move on. We were best friends and literally did everything together. Same days off, same hobbies, everything. He was my entire life and I can't picture my life without him. It hurts so bad seeing him moving on so fast and not caring about my feelings when I was so important to him for all of these years. I feel like I am addicted to him and I only feel better when I see him but it also makes it worse afterward if that makes sense. That is why it's so hard to decide where to move from here. I can't eat, I can't sleep I am just stuck crying all the time and thinking about what I could have done differently, why he's doing this and how I'm going to live without him never seeing him again. I'm sorry this was so long this is my first time ever posting in a forum. Thank you and literally any advice is welcome!