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Struggling after breakup
Hi. I left my husband a year ago but since we have just fought through courts over child contact. I left due to his controlling and abusive behaviour to me and the children. The children were unhappy and scared of their dad so I knew I have to leave. The second I left he changed the locks to the house and had a girl we knew go around there. Week after I left he had my son and he was calling this girl saying if she were lonly to go see him. My son didn't like it. He tryed pushing the girlfriend onto the kids straight away aswell as forcing the kids to see his friend who hurts and bully the kids. The kids lost trust in their dad. Then a couple weeks ago their dad messages them and said he will end with his girl for them. However later he said he lied and wanted me to explain it to the kids. Now the boys are asking him to choose between the partner and them. The kids are hurting alot. Unfortunately dad couldn't choose he just said he wil always be there if they need him and they will always be first priority. Obvious not though
Yes I always encouraged them to go see dad but he always upset them and let them down. Court order said to respect their wishes on who they spend time with but dad didn't like that he had to have control so used to upset them by going on about them seeing the people they didn't want to.
He admitted to pinning them to the wall by the neck as punishment. He used to hit them on the heads and pull their ears. If they didn't eat or drink in a certain time he would throw it down them. He would put his foot down in the car and speed fast threatening to drive us all off the moors if we couldn't all be together.
He was ok with his friend twisting my son's arm. His friend bullied my other son saying he would have no friend and no one would like him. Calling him gay. I made sure we didn't have the kids around him anymore but. But now we are separated he thinks it's ok to take the kids to him again. My son now when he is upset says no one likes him. I asked for it to be in the order that dad is not to take the kids around the friend it judge said no. The partner I was worried about as a couple of weeks after we split she was involved in snatching my daughter I couldn't do anything because of parental responsibility at the time. The partner told me my daughter don't want to come home to me I know it's not true I have a lovely bond with my daughter but I feel the partner will try come between us. I notice a change in my daughter when she sees dad alone and when she sees dad with partner . She has started to come home and say she had a great day because the partner and her kids wasn't there.
We had our final hearing and then a week later he took my 4 year old and 12 year old to a theme park but left the 4 year old alone to go on a ride with my son. Also at the theme park dad just kept telling my son it would be better if the partner and her son was there. My son hasn't been to him since that Happened in July. I told him social services said I could stop contact as he neglected his child but I won't but he had to have some rules in place. He agreed but couple weeks later I was served with an enforcement order saying I broke the order by stopping contact. They threatened to send me to jail.
Fathers get away with so much now because of the fathers rights
He admitted to pinning them to the wall by the neck as punishment. He used to hit them on the heads and pull their ears. If they didn't eat or drink in a certain time he would throw it down them. He would put his foot down in the car and speed fast threatening to drive us all off the moors if we couldn't all be together.
He was ok with his friend twisting my son's arm. His friend bullied my other son saying he would have no friend and no one would like him. Calling him gay. I made sure we didn't have the kids around him anymore but. But now we are separated he thinks it's ok to take the kids to him again. My son now when he is upset says no one likes him. I asked for it to be in the order that dad is not to take the kids around the friend it judge said no. The partner I was worried about as a couple of weeks after we split she was involved in snatching my daughter I couldn't do anything because of parental responsibility at the time. The partner told me my daughter don't want to come home to me I know it's not true I have a lovely bond with my daughter but I feel the partner will try come between us. I notice a change in my daughter when she sees dad alone and when she sees dad with partner . She has started to come home and say she had a great day because the partner and her kids wasn't there.
We had our final hearing and then a week later he took my 4 year old and 12 year old to a theme park but left the 4 year old alone to go on a ride with my son. Also at the theme park dad just kept telling my son it would be better if the partner and her son was there. My son hasn't been to him since that Happened in July. I told him social services said I could stop contact as he neglected his child but I won't but he had to have some rules in place. He agreed but couple weeks later I was served with an enforcement order saying I broke the order by stopping contact. They threatened to send me to jail.
Fathers get away with so much now because of the fathers rights
1 Comments
Ya, I'd not put up with his allowing these people around my kids. They are far too precious for jerks to mess up or put them at risk in any way.
Your ex sounds like he lacks judgement. I would not do him any favors and try to persuade your kids to do anything on his behalf. If the court said it's up to the kids if they see him---- let the kids decide and make sure it's safe. And the younger ones, no. I wouldn't allow him alone with them. If he isn't going to be smart/safe about the things they are exposed to, then he can't have them. period.
And once he served you with papers that could end in your going to jail? He's dangerous. Dot your i's and cross your t's with him and do what you legally can to protect your kids.
Your ex sounds like he lacks judgement. I would not do him any favors and try to persuade your kids to do anything on his behalf. If the court said it's up to the kids if they see him---- let the kids decide and make sure it's safe. And the younger ones, no. I wouldn't allow him alone with them. If he isn't going to be smart/safe about the things they are exposed to, then he can't have them. period.
And once he served you with papers that could end in your going to jail? He's dangerous. Dot your i's and cross your t's with him and do what you legally can to protect your kids.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, that's unfortunate and I'm sorry about this. It's doubly painful when the pain our ex causes is on not only us but our kids. I'm a mama bear when it comes to my kids. I don't think you have to be his messenger. I wouldn't stand in the way if he truly desires a warm and healthy relationship with his kids even if that includes the girlfriend. It hurts that he had another woman immediately but that is between you and him and not the kids. But two weeks of saying I'm changing, etc. is not enough. His actions need to show that he is ready for a relationship with his sons. Do not talk bad about him. Do not add to their feelings of anger or hurt toward their dad. You just be a listener. Sometimes when we are hurt, we put our feelings in the open or share them too easily with our kids which then makes them pick sides or adds to their own thoughts. It kind of manipulates how they feel. I'm a child of divorce and tell you this from my experience.
But he is an abuser. And you fear for your kids. That's different. Your number one job as a parent is protecting your children. So, if you feel he is truly damaging to them either emotionally or physically, you have to insulate them from him. And you went through court recently for custody. How did that go?
Understand that it is healthiest for kids to have relationships with BOTH parents. It isn't always possible but that is what is best for them overall if it can happen.
So, give me some examples of things he does to the kids? and in court, did this come out? And again, you need not convey messages to your kids for your ex. But if they choose to have him in their life, be supportive but monitor for any things that could hurt them and take action if you see that.
This all hurts, I know. I'm sorry. Do you have any other males in your life that could be a good role model and supporter of your kids like your dad, an uncle, a brother, etc.?
But he is an abuser. And you fear for your kids. That's different. Your number one job as a parent is protecting your children. So, if you feel he is truly damaging to them either emotionally or physically, you have to insulate them from him. And you went through court recently for custody. How did that go?
Understand that it is healthiest for kids to have relationships with BOTH parents. It isn't always possible but that is what is best for them overall if it can happen.
So, give me some examples of things he does to the kids? and in court, did this come out? And again, you need not convey messages to your kids for your ex. But if they choose to have him in their life, be supportive but monitor for any things that could hurt them and take action if you see that.
This all hurts, I know. I'm sorry. Do you have any other males in your life that could be a good role model and supporter of your kids like your dad, an uncle, a brother, etc.?
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