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2092330 tn?1375362662

12 months and it still hurts like hell..

So my ex broke up with me 12 months ago after 4 years.. I got diagnosed with anxiety and became very depressed really not myself so I guess I wasn't the person he fell in love with..
The break up hit me hard especially when after a month he moved on and moved in with someone else.
I eventually made new friends started going out and enjoying life.. he messaged me telling me he still loved me and made a big mistake but i told him it was to late, I was single but happy with my life..but now I seem to be back where I started I can't stop thinking about him and whenever I see him he stares at me even if he is with his girlfriend which makes me think about him more... i'm wondering if i made a mistake in saying no..I was doing so well now I'm sad all the time and I don't have many friends can't find a job can't move on! It's so hard. I want to be happy I want my time to shine but I feel so down no matter how hard I try to be happy and succeed in life it just isn't happening for me. Any advice, similar stories, all welcome.
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3149845 tn?1506627771
Hi and welcome. Ive been through this many times and the best advise i can you from my experience is tell him to bug off!
If hes coming back at you with words of love then, then either his new girl is not living up to his expectations and you are his best bet for NOW, or she is dumping him like he dumped you. Always remember that action speaks louder than words and him dumping you is his true feelings of his love.

You not a yoyo to be pulled up and down by him. He has no right to mess with your feelings. "I love you" its a bunch of crock!

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
It took Him 4 years to break up with You and that was 12 months ago.  I don't think it takes 12 months to realize He made a mistake to leave You, rather I would think things aren't working out with the other girl so now maybe He wants to come back.  I know it's been tough for You and I'm sorry for that, but I wouldn't have Him back 12 months later if I were You.  I would not trust Him to know what He wants.  He sounds pretty wishy washy to me.  Not the kind of guy I would trust to make permanent plans with.

(and if He wants to be with You what is He still doing with His GirlFriend? Isn't that being unfaithful?)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I agree with the above posters.  I think maybe you are going through a bad phase.  I've just ended a 20 year marriage due to my ex husband's infidelity.  Thought it could work and we tried, but in the end I could never trust him again.  He lied for so long. It's not the same situation as you, but I'm sure I'll have moments like you are having in the future.  I think it's hard to let go, especially when there is no one there to take his place.  I believe there is someone else out there for you and for me too. We just have to be patient.  
I go through times in life when I have tons of friends and then it feels like I don't have very many.  It just makes me try harder with the friends I have and also to try harder to meet new friends.
I guess my point is to not give in, these moments will pass.
Helpful - 0
2092330 tn?1375362662
Hi guys thanks for your responses.
sorry I should have been more specific we had only been broken up 3 months when he was messaging me saying he was upset and hurting that's why he ended things and he loved me. Not that I'm making excuses for what he did by any means, but things were really hard with us for quite some time before we actually broke up. And we were both brought up very differently I was always taught to fight for what you want and stick it out when things are tough because as the saying goes "it might be stormy now but it can't rain forever" whereas he was only ever shown to run away when things got tough. It's very hard when you love someone so much, so many things go through your head especially when you see them and the constantly stare at you until you are out of sight :/ I'm just confused, as all of my friends both male and female say he stares because he knows he stuffed up and is probably hoping I'll stare back for some sort of sign that our love is not lost.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Well, if You want to give Him another chance then that is what You ought to do.  At least, then You will know for sure.
It's true, many Couples have ups and downs before They get things "worked" out.
Just keep in mind that You were "taught to fight for what You want and to stick it out when things are tough" and He was "only ever shown to run away" from tough things.  So, this could remain a pattern for both of You in dealing with many things in the future.  Just keep that in mind and pay attention to the Red Flags.
I wish You the Best!!
Tink
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