Aa
mid life crisis for men
I would like to find out for those of you men out there if you have gone through this and why? The reason I am asking is 3 weeks ago my husband came home and told me he didn't love me anymore. He said I love you as a person, and respect you. This is after being with him for 31 years and doing everything for him. Taking care of him while he was sick, when he lost his job, standing by him. I was also asked to care for his dying father last year he was battling cancer, I agreed, I cared for his dad in our home 24/7 until he passed.
Can someone explain to me how a husband justifies to himself this is right to do to his wife.
Can someone explain to me how a husband justifies to himself this is right to do to his wife.
My husband of 7 years was seeming a bit off in April and I had a dream that he was having an affair with Julia Roberts .. it left me with such a sinking feeling so I checked his phone for the first time ever and there were flirty texts from an initial and surname. I phoned her from his phone and told her hands off he’s a married man and confronted him. He said he was really embarrassed and it was just a flirtation and he would knock it on the head.
He became more and more secretive with his phone over the summer and his favourite contact was a man at work in the logs .. fair enough I thought … then he got a text from ‘John Smith’ with kisses on the end first thing one morning .. By this point he was taking the phone through to the spare room while he went for a shower in the ensuite .. there was only one text under the name – the others had been cleared out. He told me it was a girl from work who had been raped and he was trying to help her (his sister was raped as a teenager). He said he didn’t tell me about it because I made him ‘sick’ and he wanted to keep it out of the house .. and that I didn’t listen to him anyway …
He now takes the phone into the shower room with him and has changed the security pattern even after I had told him that I have serious issues with him always having the phone in sight. I asked him to stop keeping his phone with him and he shouted at me ‘ as you asked – No!!!’
He denies that he is having an affair .. and he never really goes out much but you don’t have to be a body language expert to know that something precious to him is in that phone .. he also clears down all his history etc after he uses the laptop …
He has used the ‘I love you but am not in love with you’ cliché … I want to leave him but I don’t want my 6 year old daughter to lose her home and her friends and I don’t want to miss out on seeing her every day.
He became more and more secretive with his phone over the summer and his favourite contact was a man at work in the logs .. fair enough I thought … then he got a text from ‘John Smith’ with kisses on the end first thing one morning .. By this point he was taking the phone through to the spare room while he went for a shower in the ensuite .. there was only one text under the name – the others had been cleared out. He told me it was a girl from work who had been raped and he was trying to help her (his sister was raped as a teenager). He said he didn’t tell me about it because I made him ‘sick’ and he wanted to keep it out of the house .. and that I didn’t listen to him anyway …
He now takes the phone into the shower room with him and has changed the security pattern even after I had told him that I have serious issues with him always having the phone in sight. I asked him to stop keeping his phone with him and he shouted at me ‘ as you asked – No!!!’
He denies that he is having an affair .. and he never really goes out much but you don’t have to be a body language expert to know that something precious to him is in that phone .. he also clears down all his history etc after he uses the laptop …
He has used the ‘I love you but am not in love with you’ cliché … I want to leave him but I don’t want my 6 year old daughter to lose her home and her friends and I don’t want to miss out on seeing her every day.
Hi Goldie,
Hey it happened to me. I am a man married for 17years and knew my exwife for 20years. Inever cheated, was not a drinker, worked hard. I went through the I don't love you anymore stage from my exwife, i thought it was a joke. She had planned the divorce and things were already rolling and i never saw it coming. She alienated my three children, although i have equal rights after 2years of divorce just seeing son maybe once a month, no point fighting in court according to my solicitor if my children don't want to see me then i can't force them to. I know what your going through its like a bereavement and i am sorry for you, it does get easier. Even now i have my down days guess always will. Especially going back to a quiet lonely flat, still at least they have all home comforts. I always paid my responsibilities privately but was not enough for her so she went through CSA and told them i owed since day one. They did not even want to see my evidence of payments said private agreements has nothing to do with them, I now pay nearly 100pounds a week for two children have a debt and nearly lost my flat twice through miss payments. I can't even afford to live as have a low income job. I have been talked into taking half my mothers pension to help me, its hard on my pride. I have even wanted to leave this world but if not for love of family and friends i would have. I am still seraching for an honest woman and thought i met on internet but was scammed out of money that i did not have i borrowed. I know i was stupid but you know loneliness is a killer. All i am saying is there are deserving men out there, there is hope and maybe as i tell myself it was meant to be in order for a better life. Not sure why mine gets worse lol. See you must laugh. Take care and Good Luck, if ever you want to talk ***@****
Hey it happened to me. I am a man married for 17years and knew my exwife for 20years. Inever cheated, was not a drinker, worked hard. I went through the I don't love you anymore stage from my exwife, i thought it was a joke. She had planned the divorce and things were already rolling and i never saw it coming. She alienated my three children, although i have equal rights after 2years of divorce just seeing son maybe once a month, no point fighting in court according to my solicitor if my children don't want to see me then i can't force them to. I know what your going through its like a bereavement and i am sorry for you, it does get easier. Even now i have my down days guess always will. Especially going back to a quiet lonely flat, still at least they have all home comforts. I always paid my responsibilities privately but was not enough for her so she went through CSA and told them i owed since day one. They did not even want to see my evidence of payments said private agreements has nothing to do with them, I now pay nearly 100pounds a week for two children have a debt and nearly lost my flat twice through miss payments. I can't even afford to live as have a low income job. I have been talked into taking half my mothers pension to help me, its hard on my pride. I have even wanted to leave this world but if not for love of family and friends i would have. I am still seraching for an honest woman and thought i met on internet but was scammed out of money that i did not have i borrowed. I know i was stupid but you know loneliness is a killer. All i am saying is there are deserving men out there, there is hope and maybe as i tell myself it was meant to be in order for a better life. Not sure why mine gets worse lol. See you must laugh. Take care and Good Luck, if ever you want to talk ***@****
What a sh*tty thing to write. Let's see where you will end up down the line. Bet you're the type of woman who preys on married men. You have a lot to learn about life. One day it will hit you hard.
Is he cheating?
midlife crisis....whatever....
The truth is that men in their mid 40's are mostly single and looking for a younger, more attractive, smarter woman that takes care of herself because it is then, in their 40's when they realize that their marriages sucked for 25 years and now they know what they really want...men's thought process is slow (no offense, but is the truth) so they marry young cause they probably got douped into it, worked their ***** off trying to raise a family while the woman stayed at home "with the kids", but really doing nothing, nagging all the time, eating everything they find, staying in their pajamas all day, 25 years later the man says "screw it" the kids are old enough to understand if I leave their mother....Women are clingy and they would stay just because they have it easy or because of habit...and the fact that they probably got too fat between having kids and staying home...25 years later they are so comfortable in the marriage they dont have the energy, education or looks to get out of a unsatisfactory but consistent relationship...
The truth is that men in their mid 40's are mostly single and looking for a younger, more attractive, smarter woman that takes care of herself because it is then, in their 40's when they realize that their marriages sucked for 25 years and now they know what they really want...men's thought process is slow (no offense, but is the truth) so they marry young cause they probably got douped into it, worked their ***** off trying to raise a family while the woman stayed at home "with the kids", but really doing nothing, nagging all the time, eating everything they find, staying in their pajamas all day, 25 years later the man says "screw it" the kids are old enough to understand if I leave their mother....Women are clingy and they would stay just because they have it easy or because of habit...and the fact that they probably got too fat between having kids and staying home...25 years later they are so comfortable in the marriage they dont have the energy, education or looks to get out of a unsatisfactory but consistent relationship...
2 Comments
Wow. This is not nice. Empathy for others in pain? Just a suggestion.
I'd prefer brutal honesty over empathy. Things are the way they are. You can keep on putting make up on them, they will still be as they are. The truth is often ugly, but if you decide to accept it you would be making steps toward actual resolution and your own personal achievements. Or you can stick to condescending empathetic cliches and be stuck where you are. That's how it is.
Men do go trough this and us, women are cursed with our fading beauty which rapidly accelerates after age of 35. If he thinks having tighter, perkier, younger tart would make them happy, let them go try and feel the bitterness of it. Cause the matter of fact is those high age gap relationships don't work. She will suck him dry of his money, family and personal integrity and when that relationship collapses he will be left with huge regret on his conscience. So let him be. Life is great in creating equilibrium between right and wrong. At least you can tell yourself you had him in his best years.
Men do go trough this and us, women are cursed with our fading beauty which rapidly accelerates after age of 35. If he thinks having tighter, perkier, younger tart would make them happy, let them go try and feel the bitterness of it. Cause the matter of fact is those high age gap relationships don't work. She will suck him dry of his money, family and personal integrity and when that relationship collapses he will be left with huge regret on his conscience. So let him be. Life is great in creating equilibrium between right and wrong. At least you can tell yourself you had him in his best years.
I am so sorry you are going through this, and that probably doesn't comfort you either. I am 1.5 yrs into a separation. What you are experiencing is his Midlife Crisis. I too have been married for 30 yrs. I got the same speech. I spent the first year crying. It is a process.
My husband and I are now dating. I don't know if we will work out or not.
My advise to you is to read everything you can on Midlife Crisis...and just be kind to him, even when it's hard.
Hang in there, and God bless you on this journey.
My husband and I are now dating. I don't know if we will work out or not.
My advise to you is to read everything you can on Midlife Crisis...and just be kind to him, even when it's hard.
Hang in there, and God bless you on this journey.
You are reading content posted in the Divorce & Breakups Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
