I feel terrible, am i at risk? am i being irrational?

[jorgelopez1]

At the HIV prevention forum they told me i have no risk, but i have been feeling terrible for about a week or so. I have a little discomfort in the throat, it's not hurting, but something has been in my throat for about a week now. Also  for several days i have been feeling the need to urinate all day, except when i wake up. I am refering to that feeling when you feel your urethra to be tickling or something. When I urinate i dont feel burning or anything, but instead of urinating for a minute or two, two times a day i have been urinating small quantities of urine four times a day. i am also tires,or maybe not tires but i dont feel the desire to do anything. My las encounter that i feel was risky was on my 19 so, i have a long wait before me till i can test with a reliable result.

I have been a fool and made two mistakes this month. First, I went with a prostitute and had safe oral and vaginal sex with her, but i did kiss her a lot. After that, i thouched her outer lips with two fingers, and they got some vaginal fluids and i masturbated a little. After she left, i picked up the condom and took it to the sink to see if it was broken, but some water ricocheted from the condom into my eye.

Then, on may 20 i went to an erotic massage parlour, and after the masseuse(she was nude) massaged me with a lot of oil, she masturbated me and got on top of me and i think my penis and my testicles touched her vagina (i am circumcised if this affects in any way) and so there was some rubbing of our genitals( i really dont think there was dipping but i am going crazy and i am doubting about everything). After i came she cleaned my penis with a wet towel.

I will take an elisa test on august 20. I am from mexico city and i am 19 years old. I dont know if i should tell my father because that would probably change his view of me. Please i want to know at how much risk i am of getting HIV. I have been a fool and i will definitely not do it again. i feel like i am sentenced to death. i dont know how i will wait three months. i am desperate.

I've read in some places that if when my penis touched her vagina some vaginal fluid entered into my urethra i am at high risk of being infected, and i feel terrible about myself. I mean i am very lucky, i have good parents, and i have a good life and i may have thrown all that away for some stupid impulse. i am not living up to my parent's expectatios and i am not using what they taught me. Someone else deserves my life. I am very stressed i dont know how i will wait until august to get my test done. i have cried i have hitted myself, i just vomited and now i have a mild headache. i cant handle all this stress and it is all my fault, i didnt think enough about my actions. IT'S ALL MY FAULT. Please if someone reads this and has been through a similar situation i would appreciate if you could share your experience. Earlier, i talked to the masseuse over the phone and she told she takes good are of herself because she has a daughter and she assured me that my penis did not enter her vagina and that she gets tested for hiv, but i dont know if i should believe her. I feel my life has no  sense.

[Apollo1971]

Chances of it changing Zero,

[jorgelopez1]

Hi, today i got my six week antibody test result negative. I know I'm at no risk, but if i was at risk, how likely would it be for this result to change at the 12 weeks test?

Regarding guilt and anxiety i have been working in overcoming them and i think i have made some improvements, and this forum has helped because i know i am not alone because there are other people in similar situtations and I belive we can make each other feel better.

[Apollo1971]

anxiety and guilt is what many people have to deal with on HIV forums, more so than HIV itself.

Time is one way of getting over it. The fact we all make mistakes in our life and you just accept them and move on with it. It that isnt somthing thats works for you, then its best to go and get help for it.

[jorgelopez1]

Hi, despite the reassurance i got on the hiv forum, which i really appreciate, i have been tense, mostly because two times while i was masturbating i developed two small cuts, so that could be herpes, according to doctor HHH in some posts. I got my blood taken today for an hiv test (6 weeks post exposure), which i think is a fourth gen test. I will get my results on tuesday, so i am really tense about the outcome.

Since I last wrote i have spoken to my parents about the incident and about the cuts i developed on my penis, but they don't seem concerned about hiv. They talked with me and if i get out of this experience clean i will continue with my life with all this new knowledge i have recieved in all ways, hiv-wise, and in respect to going with prostitutes and consequences, and in general all that i have been feeling. Today i went with my father for my test. I just wanted to know if there are other people with this kind of experiences and to get some advice on how to deal with anxiety and guilt.

Thanks.

[jorgelopez1]

Hey thank you for your comments, i am still going a little crazy thinking what if there was some penetration without me noticing? i mean what is considered penetration? It's a long wait ahead of me

[been_there123]

I have to say something, here. I know you are scared but reading your post I see not a single incident of HIV expossure. Sounds to me like you had a great time with a sexy lady or 2, and you should be happy. Sorry about the one girl being rude, thats not cool.

You are going to be ok. You have no reason to test. However it is hard to listen to advice really, trust me I know have been there.

So you had some fun, and you have some guilt. It happens, HIV does not just happen. You did not put your Penis in her. You did not get large amounts of blood in your body from her, and HIV dies outside the body. Your EYE DOES NOT HAVE the correct cells to effectivly allow HIV to infect you. Its just not gonna happen, Kinda like lindsey lohans carrer comeback. Or think of it this way, HIV is like the T-Virus from Resident Evil. If you have been bitten well you are screwed. And I am sure you had no expossure here. Its a blood illness. No Blood = No HIV. Vaginal fluids can support the virus but unless you rub it into your blood you wont contract it. you would need a cup full of the Virus, then you would need to dump it into your eye and rub it in, and even in this situation your chances are non existant.

Please try to calm down, I am not trying to make jokes here. Just wanted to make you Smile and realize something. YOU ARE NOT SICK =)

Be safe and take care of yourself.

[Apollo1971]

Hey buddy, your thinking way way to much over this, you really are.

The advise you had that you had no risk is correct. What ever your imagination has told you, the facts say other wise. You needed to have unprotected sex, not a little rubbing. Despite you thinking her juices dripped onto your penis, the reality is im very sure it didnt, well im sure you would have noticed a water fall from vaginia.

Lets look at the fact its unlikley she even had HIV in the first place.

I can see its really effected you, so what not take a HIV DUO test at 4 weeks, or a plain antibody at 6 weeks just for peace of mind. Must again i will say you still have no risk and do not need testing.

I know your young and concerned, but please you need to understand the situation here. So stop freaking out, take time to get your thoughts together and calm down and re-think the situation.