Aa
nervous wreck
Doctor,
A year and a half ago I had a very terrible phase as a teenager. I got into drugs, alcohol parties and sex. I had sex with a total of 6 guys and all of them were protected but one. I had sex a total of 6 times with this guy. He is a black male and a thug.We didn't use protection but he pulled out every time except once that I can remember. Its three and a half years later, I saw a documentary on TV about HIV and my OCD thoughts spiralled out of control! He was in jail for stealing condoms ironically about 4 months before I was with him and I just started thinking about alll the prison stories and my OCD convinced me that he was raped, that he has HIV and that he passed in on to me. I haven't been able to drink or sleep for about 8 days now. My brain keeps turning thoughts and I've convinced myself that I have it. OCD won't even let me think for a second that I may be ok. I have googled HIV relentlessly and have been OBSESSING over it. The only symptom that convinces me more is the lymph nodes in my neck. They aren't swollen anywhere else but my groin and on the right side of my neck there is about 3 (2cm) lymph nodes.
After freaking out, I actually contacted the guy and asked him if he's been tested. He told me that he went to prison after we've been together and he said they test for everything and I have nothing to worry about. He also told me he always used condoms unless he knew the girl hasnt been out there. That calmed me down for 10 mins and then my OCD convinced me that he is lying. After hes had 2 children and they seem to be healthy. One is 5 months and the other 1.5 years.
I realize that I need to get tested but I am terrified because I've convinced myself that I have it. Please tell me that I am overreacting at least a bit and map out my real possibility of having it. I've seen you show people in rations their risk. Can you please please calm me down at least a bit.
Thank you so much Doctor. I really need you.
A year and a half ago I had a very terrible phase as a teenager. I got into drugs, alcohol parties and sex. I had sex with a total of 6 guys and all of them were protected but one. I had sex a total of 6 times with this guy. He is a black male and a thug.We didn't use protection but he pulled out every time except once that I can remember. Its three and a half years later, I saw a documentary on TV about HIV and my OCD thoughts spiralled out of control! He was in jail for stealing condoms ironically about 4 months before I was with him and I just started thinking about alll the prison stories and my OCD convinced me that he was raped, that he has HIV and that he passed in on to me. I haven't been able to drink or sleep for about 8 days now. My brain keeps turning thoughts and I've convinced myself that I have it. OCD won't even let me think for a second that I may be ok. I have googled HIV relentlessly and have been OBSESSING over it. The only symptom that convinces me more is the lymph nodes in my neck. They aren't swollen anywhere else but my groin and on the right side of my neck there is about 3 (2cm) lymph nodes.
After freaking out, I actually contacted the guy and asked him if he's been tested. He told me that he went to prison after we've been together and he said they test for everything and I have nothing to worry about. He also told me he always used condoms unless he knew the girl hasnt been out there. That calmed me down for 10 mins and then my OCD convinced me that he is lying. After hes had 2 children and they seem to be healthy. One is 5 months and the other 1.5 years.
I realize that I need to get tested but I am terrified because I've convinced myself that I have it. Please tell me that I am overreacting at least a bit and map out my real possibility of having it. I've seen you show people in rations their risk. Can you please please calm me down at least a bit.
Thank you so much Doctor. I really need you.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Sorry I misunderstood the kids aren't yours. But congratulations, both on getting up the nerve and for the test result. You can trust it; the rapid HIV tests are foolproof.
Thank you doctor, when I said 2 kids I meant that he had children. I dont have any but I went in for a rapid HIV test today and it was negative Than You Jesus. My OCD of course is telling me that something went wrong but I'm doing my best to control my thoughts. Thank you for everything doctor.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Welcome to the HIV forum. Unfortunately, however, I can do nothing more than tell you what you already know: Most likely your partner didn't have HIV, and almost certainly you are not infected. But the only way to know is to be tested.
Enlarged lymph nodes, with no other symptoms, is not a sign of HIV.
In fact, you might have been tested. In most states in the US, all pregnant women are tested automatically. If you have not done so, you should call the obstetrician or hospital where your children were born. You may learn you had at least one, perhaps two, negative HIV tests.
But if not, you're a grown-up and can make yourself get tested. Force yourself to think rationally and concentrate on these truths: It isn't having an HIV test that gives someone the infection. You have it or you don't. If you have it and it isn't diagnosed, you will die of it sooner or later -- probably sooner. If you have it and the diagnosis is made, you will live a long and fruitful life. Also, research shows that even when someone who was nervous about testing turns out to have a positive result, the relief from getting an answer far outweighs the stress of learning s/he was infected. And if it is negative -- which almost certainly it will be -- you will be greatly relieved. So you have everything to gain and nothing to lose from having an HIV test.
So check with the doctors or hospitals who delivered your children. If you weren't tested for HIV then, just do it now. Just do it.
This is not a counseling or hand-holding service. I'm not going to reinforce your fear of testing by reassuring you more than this once. I will be happy to comment one last time if and when you return to tell me your HIV test result. Until then, I will have no further comment.
Regards-- HHH, MD
Enlarged lymph nodes, with no other symptoms, is not a sign of HIV.
In fact, you might have been tested. In most states in the US, all pregnant women are tested automatically. If you have not done so, you should call the obstetrician or hospital where your children were born. You may learn you had at least one, perhaps two, negative HIV tests.
But if not, you're a grown-up and can make yourself get tested. Force yourself to think rationally and concentrate on these truths: It isn't having an HIV test that gives someone the infection. You have it or you don't. If you have it and it isn't diagnosed, you will die of it sooner or later -- probably sooner. If you have it and the diagnosis is made, you will live a long and fruitful life. Also, research shows that even when someone who was nervous about testing turns out to have a positive result, the relief from getting an answer far outweighs the stress of learning s/he was infected. And if it is negative -- which almost certainly it will be -- you will be greatly relieved. So you have everything to gain and nothing to lose from having an HIV test.
So check with the doctors or hospitals who delivered your children. If you weren't tested for HIV then, just do it now. Just do it.
This is not a counseling or hand-holding service. I'm not going to reinforce your fear of testing by reassuring you more than this once. I will be happy to comment one last time if and when you return to tell me your HIV test result. Until then, I will have no further comment.
Regards-- HHH, MD
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