Aa
haunted by a previous sexual encounter
A few years ago, I engaged in a sexual situation with a friend (we're both gay) I know and consider to be a very smart person. Before and since this situation, I consider myself to be an extremely careful person when it comes to knowing how to avoid "risky" behavior. Or so I thought.
The night my friend and I hooked up, one thing led to another and we ended up in bed together. I never considered sex to be on the menu for the night. In the heat of things, my friend, without warning or asking, inserted his penis into me very briefly in which I told him to stop. The entire incident could not have lasted more than a few seconds. Due to this, and my own ignorance, I ignored the situation and dismissed it as no risk since it was so brief and I put it to an immediate stop. There was no ejaculation whatsoever but I don't know if there was precum, etc. I should also mention I know my status was negative prior to this incident as I had been tested a few months prior.
Since this I have been in a committed monogamous relationship in which we do have unprotected sex since I have thought of myself as clean and free of disease and my boyfriend has also tested negative prior to our relationship.
Recently I was feeling under the weather with vague symptoms so I went to Google which kept pointing to HIV in a lot of my searches. This has scared the **** out of me as there is one, and only one, situation that could have put me at such risk. Until I did further reading, I really didn't think what happened posed much risk, if any, at all!
So my rather long-winded question to you is, how high of a risk do you think that incident was? I don't think I could live with myself if I've caused harm to my boyfriend. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm mentally crippled by this whole thing (impacting my work, relationship, etc) and don't know what else to do!!
Please help!!
- Scared
The night my friend and I hooked up, one thing led to another and we ended up in bed together. I never considered sex to be on the menu for the night. In the heat of things, my friend, without warning or asking, inserted his penis into me very briefly in which I told him to stop. The entire incident could not have lasted more than a few seconds. Due to this, and my own ignorance, I ignored the situation and dismissed it as no risk since it was so brief and I put it to an immediate stop. There was no ejaculation whatsoever but I don't know if there was precum, etc. I should also mention I know my status was negative prior to this incident as I had been tested a few months prior.
Since this I have been in a committed monogamous relationship in which we do have unprotected sex since I have thought of myself as clean and free of disease and my boyfriend has also tested negative prior to our relationship.
Recently I was feeling under the weather with vague symptoms so I went to Google which kept pointing to HIV in a lot of my searches. This has scared the **** out of me as there is one, and only one, situation that could have put me at such risk. Until I did further reading, I really didn't think what happened posed much risk, if any, at all!
So my rather long-winded question to you is, how high of a risk do you think that incident was? I don't think I could live with myself if I've caused harm to my boyfriend. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm mentally crippled by this whole thing (impacting my work, relationship, etc) and don't know what else to do!!
Please help!!
- Scared
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Those details of your sexual exposures are reassuring and your symptoms are more like the physical manifestations of anxiety or depression than HIV infection. Regardless of the result of your HIV test, have them evaluated by a health care provider.
Thank you very much for the response. Just to clarify a few things:
Yes, "into me," meant anal insertion and it was very brief - as soon as he did it I said to stop in which he did. At the time, I guess I thought I had adverted any concerning issues as I put a stop to it about as quickly as it started.
My lifestyle as a gay man has been very careful. I never have anal intercourse of any kind (with this one exception) without validation of HIV / STD status. My other encounters during my single life have all stopped at oral sex and even then, I usually won't go down on someone who I don't feel confident about, etc.
My symptoms over the past month and a half have been general fatigue, occasional acid reflux, sinus issues (stuffy nose, sinus pressure in head / headache), scratchy throat, my eyes look more bloodshot to me (but this could all be in my head as I never looked that closely before), occasional diarrhea. I have occasionally woken up kinda sweaty (not drenched) and there has been no fever related to this. Due to the anxiety I'm feeling, causing my sleep patterns to be completely out of whack, I often wonder if this could be causing a lot of the prolonged issues. When I go to sleep, I fall into a deep sleep, then wake up a few hrs later and don't fully go back to a deep sleep (prob because I start looping all the fear through my head).
Anyway, all in all, the most important advice you've provided is to just go and get tested to put this to bed one way or another. As I mentioned before - since the incident I described, I have been in a monogamous relationship in which we have not gone outside our relationship. Just worried my complete and utter oversight / stupidity could ruin everything I've built over the last few yrs.
Thank you again for your time & advice - its much appreciated.
Yes, "into me," meant anal insertion and it was very brief - as soon as he did it I said to stop in which he did. At the time, I guess I thought I had adverted any concerning issues as I put a stop to it about as quickly as it started.
My lifestyle as a gay man has been very careful. I never have anal intercourse of any kind (with this one exception) without validation of HIV / STD status. My other encounters during my single life have all stopped at oral sex and even then, I usually won't go down on someone who I don't feel confident about, etc.
My symptoms over the past month and a half have been general fatigue, occasional acid reflux, sinus issues (stuffy nose, sinus pressure in head / headache), scratchy throat, my eyes look more bloodshot to me (but this could all be in my head as I never looked that closely before), occasional diarrhea. I have occasionally woken up kinda sweaty (not drenched) and there has been no fever related to this. Due to the anxiety I'm feeling, causing my sleep patterns to be completely out of whack, I often wonder if this could be causing a lot of the prolonged issues. When I go to sleep, I fall into a deep sleep, then wake up a few hrs later and don't fully go back to a deep sleep (prob because I start looping all the fear through my head).
Anyway, all in all, the most important advice you've provided is to just go and get tested to put this to bed one way or another. As I mentioned before - since the incident I described, I have been in a monogamous relationship in which we have not gone outside our relationship. Just worried my complete and utter oversight / stupidity could ruin everything I've built over the last few yrs.
Thank you again for your time & advice - its much appreciated.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Welcome to the HIV forum. I'll try to help.
The exposure was relatively low risk, especially if there was no ejaculation. (I assume that "into me" means your anus, not your mouth. If the exposure was oral, there is truly no risk.) As for your symptoms, you don't say enough for me to judge, but in general the symptoms of HIV are very nonspecific, i.e. many other conditions, mostly not serious, are equally likely.
The other side of the coin is that you apparently don't know your friend's HIV status. Have you called and asked? That would be a logical step. If he doesn't have HIV, obviously there was no risk.
Also, you're a gay man, but you say nothing about other sexual exposures other than this particular one. Depending on your sexual lifestyle, you might be at high or low risk apart from the exposure a few years ago. Even among gay men who "extremely careful" in avoiding risk sometimes catch HIV.
As for "don't know what else to do", it seems the answer is obvious: have an HIV test. Every man who has sex with other men should have a routine HIV test from time to time, like once a year or so, and this is obviously a good time to do it, since it's on your mind. If it's negative, you'll get far more relief of your anxieties than anything I can say; and if you're infected, obviously you need to know it for proper medical care. Feel free to return with a follow-up comment to let me know the result.
Good luck-- HHH, MD
The exposure was relatively low risk, especially if there was no ejaculation. (I assume that "into me" means your anus, not your mouth. If the exposure was oral, there is truly no risk.) As for your symptoms, you don't say enough for me to judge, but in general the symptoms of HIV are very nonspecific, i.e. many other conditions, mostly not serious, are equally likely.
The other side of the coin is that you apparently don't know your friend's HIV status. Have you called and asked? That would be a logical step. If he doesn't have HIV, obviously there was no risk.
Also, you're a gay man, but you say nothing about other sexual exposures other than this particular one. Depending on your sexual lifestyle, you might be at high or low risk apart from the exposure a few years ago. Even among gay men who "extremely careful" in avoiding risk sometimes catch HIV.
As for "don't know what else to do", it seems the answer is obvious: have an HIV test. Every man who has sex with other men should have a routine HIV test from time to time, like once a year or so, and this is obviously a good time to do it, since it's on your mind. If it's negative, you'll get far more relief of your anxieties than anything I can say; and if you're infected, obviously you need to know it for proper medical care. Feel free to return with a follow-up comment to let me know the result.
Good luck-- HHH, MD
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