joke for today

[rita863]

'True' Friendship



None of that Sissy ****



Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?  Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.  You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card- Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.



  

1.   When you are sad -- I will help you  plot revenge against the sorry ******* who made you sad.


2.   When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.


3.   When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.


4.             When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.



5.             When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much Worse it could be until you quit whining.



6.             When you are confused -- I will use little words.


7.            When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ***.



8..   This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end 'Why?' you may ask; 'because you are my friend'.



Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel it's true warmth.  


Remember: A friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel...

[IAmTheWalrus]

All great laughs.  :)))
Thanks, need them this week!
I am still chuckling about Eric's parrot joke.

Rita, you sound positively spunky today. Great for you.

Brent

[whitetigercubs2]

i really enjoyed all three posts

a farmer was in court on the defendants stand

the lawyer says "so tell me, did you tell the officer you were okay after the accident"
the farmer replies" well let me tell you what happen, i pulled away from the stop sign with my mule bettsy in the trailor, when i got hit by a truck"
the lawyer interupted "just answer the question"
the farmer continued "i flew to one side of the road and betsy flew to the other, i knew betsy was hurt because of the sound she was making"
the lawyer says" your honor all i want to know is, if the defendant told the officer if he was hurt or not"
the judge replies" i am interested in this one let him finish"
the farmer says "when the officer showed up he went over to betsy saw the condition she was in pulled out his gun and shot her, then he walked over to me and asked me if i was okay, well your honor what the H**** would you say"

hope you liked it white

[rita863]

that is great, laughing out loud!

peace
rita

[scratchinghead]

Here is one that just happens to be on my clipboard at this moment:
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick.  His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.  One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases.  It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 15 year old son, returned home from school.  Tommy was over 2 hours late.  

Where have you been?  Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?' asked John.

Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,' said Tommy.

The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.

said John, 'this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school.'

We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.' said Tommy.

What did you watch?' asked Marsha.

The Ten Commandments.' answered Tommy.

The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair once more.

With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied.  We really watched a tape called Sex
Queen.'

I am ashamed of you son,' said John.  'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.'

The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, 'Boy, did you ever ask for that one!  You can't be too mad with Tommy.  After all, he is your son!'
With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and slapped her three times.

[Isobella]

See Trish, that is what I love about you-even with all you are going through you can still point these things out to me!!!  I am a total ditz!  You are a total gem! :-)

Brain fog is gonna be tough on me.....it's already started!

XO to all my "true" friends!!  (that would be y'all)


Izzy

[Trish77]

That's what "copy and paste" is for .. we have the technology.  :)

[rita863]

thanks Kimmy, I know this is hard couple of weeks for you, maybe once you get over this hump...some good weeks are in store for you!  I'm here for ya Girl

peace
rita

[kimmypoo2]

that soo true...lol
glad this week is a good one
wishing you many more to come


hugz
   kimmy

[rita863]

I am in a good mood.  It has been "a good week",  the normal sides, but on a whole not a bad week at all.
So when you feel good you want to spread it around!
peace
rita

[Marcia2202]

Excellent. I can see you're in a good mood today, also from the other post!

LOL

Marcia

[Isobella]

Love it!! If this were an e-mail I would forward it!