Hep C, cirrhosis, esophageal bleeding and alcoholism

[biancafp]

Hello, this is my first post.
My sister has hepatitis C (it's been almost 20 years since she got it), cirrhosis and recently developed esophageal bleeding. She's 41 yearl-old mother of a 12 year-old, has a successful career as a lawyer, and has been going through a divorce. She had to be hospitalized three times this month due to bleedings, and every single time she sets foot out of the hospital she goes straight back to drinking. She drinks beer, and yesterday I found cans all over her apartment, hidden of course. She's now in the ICU, after another round of transfusions, and no matter what the doctor says or any of us say...she is in denial.
I really don't know what to do or what to expect. Last night, when I went over her place to take her to the hospital, I realised I won't be able to take it much longer after I saw her yellow as a mango, with a bucket filled with blood by the bedside, moaning and saying incoherent things. I just can't stand it, it's torturing watching someone commit that kind of suicide. I really am at the end of my rope here. And I don't think she'll be able to be listed for transplant drinking like she does.
I need some advice, I'm overwhelmed.

[Trish77]

Bianca, sounds like you have the makings of a plan and that you're heading into warrior mode.  That's terrific that the psychiatrist and hepatologist will work together and that you have an appointment this Monday already along with the other steps you're taking to gather all the information you need to address this situation with your sister asap.  I'm going to keep up the hope for you that you'll find your way as you seek out the path to take to get your sister the right kind of help and that your sister will find her way back.  Please do update as you're able - wish you well with this and will be thinking of you.

Trish

  

[biancafp]

Bill, thanks. I am going to contact Alanon, I saw in their website that there is a group meeting today at the Red Cross. I'll phone them to confirm. Thanks again.

[Bill1954]

I see Kristina also mentioned Alanon as part of her sage advice; do contact them, okay?

Bill

[Bill1954]

Hi Bianca--

It looks like you’ve received some very good advice above; I don’t have much to add, other than I’m so sorry your family is going through this. While I hope your sister manages to get better, there’s no reason for the rest of the family to feel guilt over this; you might consider contacting Alanon to see if they can help guide you through this. I don’t know if meetings are available in Porto Alegre, but here’s a link to their site; perhaps they can offer the family tools to cope:

http://www.al-anon.org.br/

My very best to you—

Bill

[biancafp]

Can-do, thank you for your support. I only read your post after seeing Trish's and Kristina's and replying to them.
Like you said, yes, she is in a serious shape. All complications you can think of related to liver disease, well, she's got them all.
I'll be updating soon.

[biancafp]

Thank you both for your words and support.

Trish, you are absolutely right: hope is key. My sister has been dealing with this addiction for as many years as I can remember, even before her hep diagnose, and my mother and I thought she had quit. Five years ago my sister had ascitis for the first time, and that was when she seemed to start taking her treatment more seriously - seriously enough to convince us she had quit drinking for good. She was seeing both a psychiatrist and a hepatologist, and the damage to her liver at that point was manageable.

Kristina, I agree with everything you said. And as I have been trying to be there for her without judgement and pressure, I don't believe we have that kind of time any longer. She will die if she drinks again. Not in a year, not in a couple months, but next week. When she was in the hospital with the first bleeding, I told her that I can only imagine what it feels like to live in constant fear and anxiety about such a horrible disease (hep c), and that I was in no place to  judge her, that she didn't have to go through that alone. But at this point we don't time for trial and error. I read some posts about alcoholism in the addiction community and they state it very clearly that only the alcoholic can break the cicle, there is absolutely nothing anyone can do. In my sister's situation, I feel I need to act now before it's too late, even if it turns out to be useless in the long run.

I managed to find the psychiatrist who treated her a few years ago, and we'll meet monday at the hospital. She already spoke with the hepatologist, and I completely agree they need to worg as a team, since theres the encephalopathy issue that needs to be addressed and is not, by itself, a psychiatric condition.

I really don't know whether or not I'm doing the right thing here, but I can't watch her commit suicide, I simply can't. I feel bad enough that I hadn't noticed her level of addiction was so out of control. How did I get so blind? How is it possible that I did not see that coming?

Again, thank you both for your insight. I'll update and let you know how things are going.

Love,
Bianca

[Trish77]

That was beautiful.  Thank you for writing.  Much better than what I had to offer from a place of no experience.  

Good luck, biancafp.

[Kristina538]

The strength of getting through any addiction lies in hope.   If someone's feeling hope-less, a voyage of continuing to self-medicate on the drug of choice seems a strangely rational choice, taken to attempt to retain sanity in the face of the inability to come to grips with the emotional pain, the self-perceived failure, the grief of what you have become capable of doing to your loved ones, and the lack of strength to know where to find the emotional reserves to even begin to put anything right.

Hope can come through self-empowerment; knowing how to start, and knowing that others have travelled your difficult road.   If your sister has a computer, try to get her to read through some of the stories here.

I have just assisted an old friend through attempting to stop drinking.   She had been 'hermitting' herself for some years, hiding her 'alcoholism', and had become incapable of leading any kind of normal life.     A lovely non-judgemental doctor put her on anti-depressants, anti-anxiety tablets (when necessary), sleepers; she changed her surroundings so that there was minimum pressure, and I reminded her that she was a 'patient in heaven' and that she just had to take it minute by minute, and feel loved enough to ask for help.    I rang morning and night - I now only ring her twice weekly and she's been 76 days sober.   Her health was not in the state your sister is in, and hasn't got hep C but her liver is definitely damaged, and she was deteriorating.

I went to two AA meetings with her as a support person; she was very fragile and shakey.  The guy at AA told her that the drug cocktail the doctor had put her on was perfect for her voyage to sobriety and to do whatever it takes.

Your sister will be carrying enough guilt, grief, lack of self-esteem and going through a very lonely nightmare.   If she can gain some hope through you telling her how much you have missed her, that there is a chance, albeit small, that miracles will happen, and you will support her in finding that miracle.   Try very hard not to make her feel guilty, and concentrate on how much you missed the person she was before she became a drinker.   A little glimmer of hope can sometimes sustain someone through a mighty battle.

You obviously love her;  remember you and her child both need support too.  Al-anon as well as your local doctor may help, or even see if you can get her to a hepatologist to weigh up your options.

I takes a certain strength to be able to self-destruct;  a strength which just needs to be assisted to devote itself in a different direction... once you find the starting point with a little glimmer of hope.   I wish all three of you the very best during such an incredibly difficult time.

[Trish77]

I am just mortified by what you, your sister and her child are going through.  I have not had to deal with someone with such an addiction.  When I was reading your post, different thoughts came to mind and no idea if ANY of them are useful or relevant.  I know that they recommend when you suspect someone is suicidal that you ask them directly "Are you thinking of killing yourself?" and while this does not directly apply to your sister, it seems potentially to apply somewhat.  It's one or the other.  Either she is  trying to kill herself (which I doubt) or she is in the control of her addiction to alcohol - and I wonder if putting it to her that bluntly and then asking her which one do we need to help you get support for because clearly it is bigger than you.  Can't believe it is your choice to have a bucket beside your bed so you can vomit your own blood into it.  Is it possible to come right out and offer to put her into detox or some kind of place where they will break her of this?  It seems far beyond her own control.  If she won't go on her own, is it possible or even feasible to commit her to detox since she seems unable to stop the drinking?  I hope I don't make your burden heavier by asking these questions.  I do not know if anyone CAN get through to someone in the grips of this kind of addiction....I just hope something does shake her out of it before too late.  Wishing you strength and wisdom here and hoping for a good outcome in the face of such difficulties.

Trish

[can-do-man]

Wow, really sorry to hear this. Sounds like alcohol has a strong hold on her, sad thing is theres not a whole lot you can do, so far shes been lucky that they have been able to stop the bleeding,  but thats not going to last. From your post it sounds as if your sister is in serious shape.
If there is any one at all that can get through to her that she has to stop drinking, at her young age she can more then likely get thru this. As for a transplant, very unlikely with her drinking. I feel for you and her son, sure not easy watching somebody kill theirself. The key is to somehow get her to stop drinking. Glad you stopped bye here and please come back and let us know how its going, lots of caring people here..... Wishing all of you the very best.

cando