Is brain fog bad enough to bring down a marriage?

[jorjanne]

My husband has had Hep C for probably 15-20 years, and also has cirrohsis. We found out 5 years ago. The doc tried interferon treatment 4.5 yrs ago, but his platelets plummeted so treatment was stopped. He was sent to liver transplant team who told him his liver had another 5-10 years before failure. Where he had been completely alcohol-free for a year, he took that as a green light to drink "socially" again. Fast forward...our marriage is now about to crumble. He repeats himself a lot and he forgets conversation (or remembers them wrong or only parts of them), but instead of thinking it is him, he has decided I am a liar not to be trusted. His exact words - "If I believed everything you say about me, that would mean I am crazy." I have no idea if his liver disease is the culprit here, or if this is just severe relational problems between the two of us (or more likely some of both). I am searching or answers... He is not under a doctor's care currently. Any thoughts, insights or suggestions?

[RobinWJ]

I know this is an old post. However, I wanted to state, I ended my 10 year marriage 9 years ago because I was also having those stated symptoms ( short term memory, hearing what people say and getting it backwards, couldn't sit still, tempermental , HIGH anxiety and wanting to sleep most of the time were a few) . My ex nor I didn't understand my behavior was related to my virus.. Now I am recently cured and GADS! You only know how bad it really was when you've been kicked out the other side ! I had the virus since birth and for 42 years.

I wish I could have worked through it. Absolutely still love my ex though he is remarried and never reaches out to me. But I did write his  parents a letter of apology which got ALOT off my chest.

I hope your marriage is still strong. Bless you folks !

[Liz50]

When my hubby was dxed with HCV one of the first (and most repetitive things!) his hep dr ever said to him was DO NOT DRINK....EVER!!! Not even Nyquil. Well, he never did, and doesn't and thank heaven for that. HCV and alcohol...like gas on a fire.
I am glad you are beginning to get some help. You will need it.
To answer your first question...absolutely, I think there are a lot of marriages that end over one partner's inability to handle the incomparable stress that goes hand in hand with treating HCV. My husband had a liver transplant and five months after he was "healed" was given the news his HCV was roaring back. So he began the TX for that, not really even being 100% well after his TP. I look at my husband and though I KNOW I love him, he is, in many ways, like a total stranger to me. He's sick all the time, has had all the sx'es of TX, altho he can work, he is struggling and miserable a lot. Our lives are almost completely encompassed by his disease and TX. He is obsessed with charting his labwork and reading all he can about treating this disease. He definitely has "brain fog"...forgets things, repeats himself, gets angry if I don't immediately respond to him when he says something. AD's have helped a lot. He's 1/2 way thru 72 week TX and the time cannot pass quickly enough for me.
If he will not get help, you get it. If it becomes impossible to live with him, think of yourself first. How awful to watch someone you care for esentially kill themselves.
So, to answer you...yes, a lot of relationships don't last thru this. I hope you guys can work it out. I'm so sorry you're struggling. I know exactly how you feel. ((((Hug))))
Liz

[sfbaygirl]

Lot's of good posts. I agree with most of the advise. First, I would get him to see a hepatologist and find out how his liver is NOW. That brain fog could be advanced to produce those amonia levels and cause that memory problem. Second, I would get to an Alanon meeting. YOU need it. This is for you, not him. He may not stop drinking, but you need to separate yourself from his problems and look and youself and how you can take care of YOU.  This is such problem for spouses of addicts. Counseling isn't going to help as long as he continues to drink. You need to get help for yourself, bottomline!  You can't help him, if you are a mess yourself. Please get to a meeting, they are all over and you won't be disapointed if you find a good group.  

Please keep us posted!

Linda

[medicmommy]

Such a true statement...It is a chronic disease, and misunderstood by many...I feel for those that have to deal with it...and those who live with them...I remember trying for years to make my hubby happy, thinking I could help in some way...When he finally got diagnosed and found a tx that worked for him, what a difference...Very rarely do I see that teeth grinding, negative, growling man anymore...and when I do, it's just a bump in the road...and it doesn't last...I hope this helps someone...

[Forseegood]

good post...so many people have depression (and self medicate with this, that and the other) and they don't even realize they are simply depressed...they have no perspective on it, they think everyone else is the same way...once they get some healthy coping skills, they can feel much better...glad you both were helped by your footwork...

[medicmommy]

Have him checked for clinical depression as well...So many "addicted" patients are thus just trying to cope with their world, and have the addiction because of unbalanced brain chemicals that cause the depression...My hubby was finally diagnosed with this after we'd been together for 5 years (married 1 year at that point). If it hadn't been for the counseling, and the "tools" and understanding I gained while doing so, we would have been long divorced by now...As it was, I'm still not sure how we made it...Must be love...:)  My husband is now a much happier person. Me as well...We have been together 21+ years, and are still best friends...The hard times were worth it...Take care...
P.S.  Look up the signs and symptoms of clinical depression...It may be completely different than what you expect...

[jorjanne]

Hi all, this is my first post, and I appreciate your remarks more than you know. Well, I take that back, you probably know EXACTLY how much they are appreciated. We just recently started marriage counseling...supposedly with an addiction specialist (at my insistence not my husband's). So I will make an appt. alone with the doc and explore these insights with him. And I think I will vehemently insist my husband get back into medical treatment. I'm really scared to learn what has happened to his body in the last few years. He did used to drink straight from the bottle...for years he did that, along with other drugs... then 8 years ago he stopped that behavior, after we met, but as mentioned has never entirely quit drinking for long. He is 50 years old. Yes, he is committing suicide slowly and I think he is just in denial. And if something doesn't change soon, I don't kno if I can continue this dark march with him. Yet of course I do not want to abandon him when he is in need. He's so UNIQUE, a true one of a kind. It's breaking my heart. Thanks a million for your kind words and helpful advice. I'm sure you know this but sometimes it just helps to have someone validate what you already know and feel within.

[medicmommy]

I made an incomplete statement in my last post...Brain fog can be caused by elevated ammonia levels, but it is not the only reason...Many experience it from medication side effects, especially those that treat hepatitis...And the Hep C can manifest itself elsewhere in the body effecting other systems...Personally, I have less brain fog now, as I'm doing treatment, then I did beforehand...
Do yourself a favor...seek counseling for you. Whether your marriage survives, or not, you will need tools to help you through this time in your life...((((((((((((HUGZ))))))))))

[medicmommy]

Something else to consider...The confusion you describe may be more than increasing ammonia levels from cirrhosis (brain fog)...You didn't say his age but, if he has been an alcoholic for  15+ years ( I know you said he was a "social drinker"...My personal definition of a social drinker is someone who has an occasional glass of wine or a beer during the week and doesn't drink to impairment..More than that, and I'd be questioning an alcoholic drinking habit...) If he is an alcoholic, he may be developing alcohol induced dementia (sort of a brain cirrhosis), or an encephalopathy...Liver compromise added to alcohol use (which greatly accelerates hep c damage) is a bad mix...I feel you have more going on than just dealing with the hep c and it's fallout...Keep yourself safe...I realize you may have tried this already but, try to get him to a doc for evaluation...Talk to the doc beforehand and explain what is going on..(If you have to, make an appointment to talk to the doc by yourself first...)...If he becomes violent, call EMS (911) and tell them how he's acting. (Remove yourself from the area first, lest you become a target.) He may be suffering from an early onset of Alzheimer's...Only a doctor can determine that...If this is the case, his behavior can suddenly become irrational and very violent...Find a safe place now that you can go if the need ever rises...Hope this helps...These situations are never simple or easy...

[working dog]

he has cirrohsis and still drinks?" hep c and drinking just don't mix...of course he can't think straight..i think if he won't stop drinking you may have to get away from him...give up...take care of yourself...you could go right down with him...it's too much for anyone...on the other hand if he quits drinking all the way maybe stay...the abuse your taking can have lasting affects..what he's doing to his brain when he drinks is doing so much damage already having an impaired liver.... this post isn't all about brain fog from hep c..sorry to sound so nasty....good luck...billy

[Myown]

Your question is "Is brain fog bad enough to bring a marriage down?"

Your situation sounds like a tough one and I feel for you, but your husband obviously can't help himself as far as the repeating and forgeting conversations. I can't see holding that against him. The alcohol, sounds like he needs to go to AA. If he is violent when he drinks, I would say that you would need to distance yourself at least temporarily until he received help, but I really can't see leaving him for brain fog. Just try to remember when he blames you for things he can't help it because he just doesn't remember. If you can get a doctor to tell him to stop drinking that would be a help. The alcohol is so bad for him at this point - but I know you know that.

Hope things get better and I hope your marriage doesn't break up.

[gazebo1]

Cognitive impairment is common with advanced liver failure, so he may be showing that. No internet discussion board can analyze these problems for you, but advice from what I hear you saying, is get help fast.  Medical, family, clergy, whatever.  Your waiting is just not going to see mimprovement, and you WILL become part of his problems.  Here is an article on cognitive impairment and HCV, and interesting studies that show cirrohsis does not have to exist:  Good luck and do what you can to save him.  G

http://www.hcvadvocate.org/hcsp/articles/cognitive_impairment.html

[Mikkimoe]

There has been improvements since his last treatments - he needs to get to a good Hepatologist and get treated. He sounds like he is giving up on life or just doesn't think that he has a chance at success. He may need antidepressants to get him through. A good doctor an maybe AA might be a good start.

Good luck