Twelve months post

[Lonestar823]

I don't know if it's something in the water or if something odd is going on in the cosmos but at four thirty this afternoon I found a voice mail on my cell from my doctor.  Lonestar is SVR six months of Peg, and a year and a half of daily infergen later.  I wasn't given very good odds at all and so I chose not to test for a long, long time.  I guess I just figured I had nowhere to go until new meds were available.  I'm dumbfounded after spending a whole year not knowing.  For all of you still struggling I wish with all my heart I could do some of it for you.  
My best,
Rebecca

[meki]

" I'm gonna try to look like a black haired Grace Kelly, wear some lipstick and maybe he will fall in love with me all over again. ; ]  God, I am crazy. Thanks everyone.  I s'pose I'll find my way. "

First he never fell out of love with you....

Second - nope you're not crazy... LMAO --- You're perfectly normal. It's not that easy.

And Yes --- You will find your way.

It's like coming up from a mud pit.... after a wrestling match with a strong opponent - you're exhausted... triumphant... but feeling dirty, worn, mentally blank... And although you look great in the torn bikini --- LMAO --- you're feeling overdressed...

*G*

No worries --- in a few months it will feel like a dream that has lifted --- and the haze is going away. It never fades completely - because you're changed... But it's not the same.

Don't worry - even if the phone rings... It's just another day.

A day to look out at the sunrise or the sunset... to feel the warmth of your favorite blanket... taste your favorite foods...and it will all be ok...

Hugs... Grace...

Say goodnight... LOL!

[Jordie59]

Congratulations to you.
All my best

[Myown]

LOL I forgot all about that until you mentioned it. Wow 1974? We're getting old. Where did the time go.,....

[Forseegood]

know this is off-topic, and you both prob know of one of Niven's more shining moments... "The only laugh that man will ever get in his life is by stripping... and showing his shortcomings." Niven, commenting on the streaker (Robert Opel) who crossed the stage while he was hosting the 46th Academy Awards in 1974. he he he....

[Forseegood]

oh, this is such great news! I was wondering about you, (I liked your posts) I'm so happy your dumbfounded for a good reason!!!!! Best to you and your hep c free future!

[Myown]

You're mother has been dying since you're 10,,I know exactly what you mean.. Thats what my mother went thru with her mother and her mother lived to be 98 or 96 - can't remember. I do know what you mean though..
As far as my mother the doctor doesn't want to put her thru chemo nor did he want to operate. She was very happy about that - didn't want radical surgery at this age. So she loves this doctor. He has her on oral meds and a drip once a month for her bones. (the cancer has spread to her bones) So how long these meds will keep things quiet we don't know, but right now she's fine thank God.

So enjoy your David Niven this evening. I know it will be a special night for you both.

[Lonestar823]

My MyOwn, Sorry to hear about your mum.  Is she gonna beat this thing?  At least she has a great attitude.  My mum has been almost dying since I was about 10 or at least that's how she makes me feel.  I love her madly but jeez, I've always wondered if who I turned out to be almost killed her or if she loved and needed me so much I almost killed her. Either way I almost killed her. ; ]  

LadyBug and Tallahassee, I'm about as fascinating as the "girl next door" living in a oh, so small world.  I do write though.  I fell in love with words as a child.  Growing up in a house full of sick people and being the only girl with seven brothers I started a journal I've kept forever.  I also found pen pals from all over the world, some I've written to for years and some have even traveled to meet me or me to them.  Before I got sick the New Yorker magazine almost published a valentines's issue story of mine.  They kept it forever but in the end it was rejected. I stashed it away in the bottom of my drawer and that's where it's lived forever since. That's my one and only claim to fame. ; ]  And hey, Tall, jeez, this infergen stuff seems to sometimes work!  

Thank you Mike & GrandmaA.  I think you would like my little town.  It's not so unlike a small town in northern California.  That's where you live, right Grandma?  

Thank you New York.  What to heck, huh?  I always remember you saying this was all a **** shoot.  **** shoot alright!

My dear Meki, You always seem to know stuff.  And you make it seem so easy which of course I know it's not.  You just have that knack for teaching or leading by example and so I s'pose that's part of your talent.  You make it look like any idiot can do it. ; ]  Tell me true.  Tell me I'm not crazy.  I'm only two days and one night into this SVR stuff and it feels like I'm wearing clothes that just don't fit.  I'm in shock.  I'm crying one minute and having an anxiety attack the next.  I'm up and down and all around and I listened for the phone all day.  My doctor called on Friday afternoon and so I figured if he made a mistake he wouldn't call on the weekend but he'd call today but he hasn't and it's now past office hours.  I'm breaking out in cold sweats, my head aches.  I seem to have some feelings of guilt and anger.  I wanted to smash my computer early this morning reading all the names on the forum that I know are still struggling.  It's almost like I knew with all my heart I sat of the other side of this SVR thing with awesome and beautiful people and now I find I'm on the other side, struggling to find my place or fit or something crazy like that.  My husband comes home tonight and I have to compose myself.  I went out and bought a pretty pink cashmere sweater and short black skirt with his credit card.  I'm gonna try to look like a black haired Grace Kelly, wear some lipstick and maybe he will fall in love with me all over again. ; ]  God, I am crazy. Thanks everyone.  I s'pose I'll find my way.

[GrandmaA]

Of course you deserve it. Congratulations. I'm very happy for you. Sounds like you live in a lovely place.

[nygirl7]

LOL you said I wasn't given very good odds at all and so I chose not to test for a long, long time


I felt the same way too and didn't have it until month 8 but CONGRATS WE DID IT!!!!!!!!! WOO HOO!
I guess it shows people they shouldn't be chicken like us!  There have been a LOT of SVRs lately - that is a GREAT TURN!  YAY!

[mikesimon]

Congratulations on your great news. Stay well, Mike

[Tallahassee]

You must be a writer!!  You always express yourself so beautifully and poetically!!

Congratulations on SVR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Always were this crown in your heart!!

[meki]

" I'm stunned and the whole horrible ordeal somehow seems anti climatic."


ROFLMAO -- you're in shock.. that's all..

It will hit you *BONK* on the head --- you'll wake up with a smile one day... and you'll be fighting through the post sides... for a little while longer... but you'll feel like a soldier who is going home.. finally... just a little trudge longer.

LOL!

Hugs~you deserve them!

Meki

[ladybug52]

What a fascinating story...David Niven? Of course I know who you mean....you should be a writer, or are you? Great gift for storytelling.

[Myown]

Lonestar, you are something. I can see ya wearing that crown. After tx that long you deserve a crown. Sorry to hear that your family has been going thru health problems. Its hard. My mother has breast cancer and she has a great attitude but it gets to me sometimes when I think about the cancer.

I enjoyed reading your post. I'm sure everyone did. Its nice that we had a chance to see more of you. I'm sure many are encouraged by the things that you have said. I am so happy for you! This disease is so horrible and knowing its no longer a part of you must be a great feeling.

I hope you continue to post - don't be shy.

David Niven - yes you're right the younger ones won't know who you are talking about. I do though.
Talk to you again.

[Lonestar823]

My dear MyOwn, I realize I'm an odd duck.  I've read the forum for so long now, never making any friends, but learning and listening and feeling so deeply for all of you.  The brain fog was quite terrible for me and so for the first six months or so of reading the forum I had a really difficult time comprehending most of what I'd read.  Sometimes I'd want to post and share but couldn't formulate my thoughts in a clear manner.  There was a girl called cuteous that used to post to me.  She helped me lots in finding ways to clear my brain.  Plus, I'm naturally shy.  I think I'm funny and quick and witty but rarely seem able to share much.  Part of it may be cultural.  My family is from Syria now two generations.  I feel as American as apple pie but lot's of family traditions keep me feeling a bit different somewhat like a little fox on the periphery.  I have seven brothers and a mother, tons of nieces and nephews.  Many of my family have fallen because of genetic heart disease.  I'm the smallest and most fragile looking compared to my brothers.  They're all big, handsome strapping boys and I have been the one to care for them and my mother through much, much illness.  Sometimes it seems like they've been almost dying forever and so I really don't have much time to worry about myself.  Who I am inside is quite different than the small, sweet lady I appear to be. I'm not so unlike the sacrificial lamb for my family.  Fate just brought me there from an early age.  I was the only one who never got sick.  I know it must seem strange to many that I waited so long.  It all seemed logical to me.  I had to conserve my energy for the many, many other life tasks before me.  I went over this with my doctor.  I was a 1a, hard to treat, resistant virus, slow responder, but moderate liver damage.  The Peg didn't work.  I responded to Infergen but slowly.  He had ruled out maintenance if I had relapsed, which he flatly told me would not surprise him and so I shouldn't be surprised either.  I was afraid if I knew for sure I had relapsed it would show and interfere with my duties.  My doctor understood as long as I gave my word to come back in a year.  I wanted to learn all I could in the meantime about new meds coming down the line because I had convinced myself I would need them.  
Many of you have been surprised because I did so much of this alone.  It's normal for me.  I have always been alone even though I am surrounded by this huge extended family of mine.  My dear husband is kinda like a David Niven type.  Many younger readers won't recognize this name.  To him this was all just nonsense, buck up, family pride, just take good care of yourself like the good smart girl you are and carry on.  And so I did.  Meanwhile, he is away and I am alone and can be my true, silly self.  This morning I walked a long time by my little New England sea.  I have a little gold crown I wore once as part of a Halloween costume.  I wore it and picked wild lavender asters for a bouquet along the way.  You wouldn't believe the smiles and nods I received from other walkers.  Not one person looked at me as though I were a nut.  I felt as normal and accepted as apple pie. ; ]  When he returns tomorrow evening I will have put my crown away and I'll tell him of my rainy night cell phone message from my doctor.  I won't dare cry because he'll think I'm a baby and then he'll tell me he had never a moments doubt that I was anything but well.  Then he'll furrow up his eyebrows and tell me he'd rather not have me suggest any more stocks since Vertex has dropped. ; ]  
I will stay around the board and continue to read and learn and feel.  I would never, ever turn my back on the only people in the whole wide world who are like me, odd as I am. ; ]

Lady Lauri, LadyBug, Cindy & Charm, Thank you all.  I'm still reeling, feeling kinda drunk almost on cookies & milk. ; ]

[charm27]

Congratulation to you.  You did it and your are blessed. I can ONLY IMAGINE in my mind what SVR must feel like...love, peace and happiness to you always.


Enjoy your SVR!

[Cindy10]

You did tx, thats what you did. You deserve this and have earned it. Congrats to you!

[ladybug52]

Sweetie you did something right--you cleared! I'm so happy for you and sad that you had to go through it alone. I had an umbilical cord to this computer, finding comfort and solace talking to others, while I was on tx. I let everything go, housework, bills, mail, friendships outside the forum. I had two goals, make it to work and get on the forum!
So glad you made your way here, and now can give hope to others.You have a long healthy life ahead, pass the milk and cookies!
Hugs,
Bug

[Lady Lauri]

Wow, I'm loosing count on SVR's tonight. Haven't known you as I am few mths here, still very happy for you and can't believe you waited in fear to get your great news. It will set in for you and you'll stop waiting for that 'oop's , we goofed 'call:} I did that when they told me "YOUR TYPE 2B DEAR' as I lay on the bx table! I hadn't e-mailed my Dr. ahead to ask-in fear of type 1. I asked twice, 2 different people 'are you sure I'm 2b"?? Than left and still had that 'could they be wrong' thoughts for 2 days. I cried on the table tho, having already been on this site and knowing how hard type 1 is. Just starting tx and still worried, but know I'll get there as all 4 (5, 6!!) of you this past few days. Bless you in handling so much alone!

As for the family members who 'avoid' you, you don't need them. Somewhere in life they will need the understanding you've needed. And this 'gift' you well deserve.
Best to you in moving forward now. Enjoy!
                                                                                LL

[Myown]

Thank you very much Lonestar. I'll be fine -didn't think I would be, but I think I will.

I hope your husband will be home from Germany soon so you guys can celebrate.
BTW,I always sensed that there was something a little different about you (in a good way) and
seeing that you waited a year before you checked your results told me what I sensed
was true. I think you are probably the only woman that could do something like that.
Women are generally so curious (or nosey I should say),,you're quite different. But come to
think of it, I don't think many men would even wait all that time to see if they cleared.
You are unique. You're a cool chick and I like you.
I wish you continued good health and happiness.

[Lonestar823]

Cheers Pigeon and thank you.

Thank you Jools!

Beamish, Clink!  Yum.... Thank you

Libzo, Yes, it's a lonely old road indeed.  And I'm not sure about the "now what?"  I'm still in shock.  Every time the phone rings I expect it to be my doctor, all embarrassed and telling me he made a mistake. ; ]

FloridaMouse, I confess I cried when I read your post sharing your relapse.  Don't ever give up.

zazza, I'm not so big but you must be right.  It took a backbone made of stainless steel to walk this road.  I'll never, ever, ever stop looking over my shoulder after this though.  That woman who looks like an ancient version of me will always haunt me.

Myown, My very dear Myown, I hope with all my heart you will be okay.  I think you will.  I think we'll all be okay.  Like Libzo said, we have one another.

[Myown]

WOW!! That's great,, So happy for you!

[zazza]

I am so happy to hear of your good news! You truly deserve it. I can't imagine treating for so long without the support of other heppers. You must be one strong woman.

[FloridaMouse]

AWESOME!  I'll raise my glass of water in salute.

Mouse
Genotype 1a, Stage 3, Grade 3
Finished tx 4/2007
Relapsed 9/2007