A few questions.

[myandmyself]

Ok Ive posted a question here before but im OCD and now I have to do it again. So in the beginning of Jan I had protected sex 3 times with a woman. 2 weeks after our first encounter I had a herpeselect 1 & 2 test. Both came back negative. Fast forward to Feb 18. approx 1 month and 2 weeks after our first encounter I had a bad headache all day and I was was very sore and tight on my upper back and neck. I went to bed early that night and I felt just fine the next day. That next day I was licking my lips and I felt what I thought was a pimple under my nose but above my lip. So I went to the mirror and popped it. now, it kind of looked like a pimple, but not really. It didnt have a head or anything. And it was tender when I would run my tongue over it. After I popped it, I started to bleed a lot. And I did not notice any kind of white stuff that is usually in a pimple. Fast forward about 5 or 6 days and It was healed. There was one tender spot that was almost healed. Everthing else was just pink and dry. Also, and I dont know if this is related. But I had a big pink, tender lump in/under my skin on my left cheek. I thought it was a big infected pimple, but I couldnt get it to pop. It soon developed a scab and went away in about a week. There is just a tinny bump there now with a scab on it. I was messing with it a lot so I think that may have contributed to the scabbing. After looking up some symptoms, I thought maybe it was impetigo or some kind of staph. But they both healed realativly quickly.

I am about 3000 miles away from any type of civilization so I cant get tested and the doctors are not very much help. But basically I have made myself believe that it was a cold sore under my nose. Assuming is bad but thats all I can do for the time being. I talked to the woman I slept with and she said that she has never had a cold sore and I ended things on bad terms and she told me all her STD test came back clean and thats it. She wont talk to me any more.

[Terri Warren, RN, Adult Nurse Practitioner]

There are some great books out about anxiety and this type of worry by Dr. David Burns - Feeling Good is one of them.  You may be far away from people, but I bet Amazon cna reach you with a book!  I encourage you to try reading and working on these issues to improve the quality of your life right now.
Terri

[myandmyself]

I did perform oral sex on her for about 20 seconds. With out being too crude, the tip of my tongue was the only part that touched her. Im very doubtful that that would have been the cause, if it even is a cold sore.

Im sure my anxiety plays a part in it. And this isnt the first time i have freaked out about this. Basically when I have sex with any one my mind always comes back to herpes and I freak out until i can get a conclusive blood test 4 months after. I know that logically there was probably a minimal risk, but little indicators keep poping in my head. Like 1 week prior to our engagement she had the flu really bad. And then I think, well that probably lowered her immune system for an outbreak to happen so that raises the risk. Its just that my mind doesnt work logically about these things, i get emotional and impulsive and make my mind up before i can even confirm it. And no, there isnt any one i can talk to. I think there might be one psychologist in a 1000 mile radius, and i know that she is helping people with "real problems" But your answer helps me relax a little. Thanks so much for your time Terri

[Terri Warren, RN, Adult Nurse Practitioner]

I note that you've posted on the STD board also.  Probably best to post on one board or the other, though most always we will have the same responses.  

My answer still stands.  I wonder if your anxiety might be getting in the way of carefully reading and hearing our answers to your questions?  

Terri

[Terri Warren, RN, Adult Nurse Practitioner]

This sounds nothing like a cold sore to me, and from her stated history to you, she has a negative history and negative tests.  If you had intercourse with her, and she had HSV 1 genitally, yes, you would get it genitally, not orally unless you were the giver of oral sex to her.  You can't know for absolute certain that you don't have it in either place until you get a negative test when you are somewhere to do that, but if I were you, I would assume that I'm not infected because of 1) lack of appropriate symptoms 2) she said she tested negative 3) she has no history of symptoms and 4) you've had no genital symptoms.  

You are obsessing, I think.  I'm not sure how you decided herpes was a risk for you, given everything that you have been told by her, but it doesn't sound to me like it is a risk for you.  At some point, you are going to need to get a firmer grasp on your thinking about this, and tell yourself that this particular concern is not a reasonable one.  
Is there someone that you could take to about this where you are, to help you not slip into depression over something that is so unlikely?

Terri  

[myandmyself]

So I guess my question is. Could it be herpes? Lets assume that I did get something from her. What if she had HSV1 down below. Would I have symptoms of it down there? If it turns out to be a cold sore. How can I know that I dont have it genitally? Im basically grasping at straws here and im freaked out and slipping deeper and deeper into this wicked bad depression.