your situation sounds very frustrating. I think you need to make your physician and psychiatrist aware of your symptoms first, as your medication or a health condition could be impacting your ability to function. Also, definitely let them know about the headache on one side. You can assist them by keeping a symptom journal for a week or so.
Aside from the potential medical issues, it sounds like your body and mind are trying to tell you that something is not right with your current path. Its wonderful that you have achieved a masters degree through all of these obstacles, but perhaps pursuing a phd in your chosen field is not the best choice for you. The only way to really find out what is going on with your learning would be to have a psychological assessment done and to seek therapy. If you do have bipolar disorder or untreated depression. it will be important to get appropriate care. As you perhaps recall from your previous experience, a good therapist can help you get past many roadblocks.
I am very much thankful to you. I really feel good about your reply.
The headache i have is on the right side behind ears. I can easily feel the sudden increase in blood pressure in the right side, particularly one blood vessel. I have checked manually that, in the left side symmetric blood vessel, the beating is normal but in the right side slightly higher.That blood vessel starts from the backside of the neck and runs around the earlobe and reaches the forehead. i can feel the pain only in that blood vessel and i can feel the beating as like heart beating through out this vessel.The largest pain is in backside of the right head, almost nearby small brain.
This pain kills me a lot.I am a left handed person by birth but i write and eat in right hand. [Fluoxetine 20, Clomipramine 25] are the tablets i am taking for the past 10 years. I feel that my psychological disorder has some neurotic failure. I feel this pain only when i starts concentrating on studies.i never face this problem on another occasion.
When i was doing my Bachelors, i got inspired by my teacher and i want to become a good teacher. I also worked as a teacher for 2 and half years and got a good name in my teaching profession.I did masters and I want to become good researcher now. As like you said, my inner core mind is saying that i cannot achieve in academics, but i want to achieve and prove that i am capable and i can perform better. I want to engage in an intellectual works.Somehow my mind is not co-operating. this problem i had from the end part of my schooling.But in all my schooling, i did excellently.Believe me, i got more that 90 percentage.
I want to finish my phd successfully and join Post Doc in a good institution.I want to publish more journal papers. but i feel strange that whether i will finish my phd or not. i have to complete my phd. I cannot tolerate if i failed in my phd. I feel ashame. I am strong basics. All of my teachers and my friends praised me that i am good in fundamentals. how come, if i didnt get the phd, every one will say that something is wrong on me.
My Doctor never listen what i say. he simply checks the BP and ask me to take tablets. Kindly give me your valuable suggestions. I never forget your help in my life.