I dont know what to do :(
My husband of 18 yrs says hes lost his loving feelings not just for me but for anyone he doesnt even like bieng lovey dovey or anything hes been like this for 7months now he says he doesnt want a divirce n that he loves me but just wants some space and still wants me to call him up :/ id this a midlife chrisis hes 49 im 39 we have 4 teenagers.
My husband of 31 years announced he was in midlife crisis. That only equated to an affair. I learned he had been calling this alienator since at least early March; I filed for divorce in mid March. He told me we were just two different people, living two differnt lives. He had had an affair 19 years ago, but we, I thought, worked through it. Boy, was I wrong. Even though we moved and started over in a different town, he still just wanted another woman to have sex with. He is now (and has been since before the divorce was final!!!) trying to introduce her to our children, who want nothing to do with her, and even bringing her to their homes unannounced to force them to start accepting her. He has even told our daughter of his inability to have sex with her, and tells one of our sons she is so tiny (120 lbs, and I am heavier) that he is afraid he will break her!!! He has no compassion for their feelings, only that on the end of his man-member. Wouldn't work on US, just wanted to work on HER. Where is the compassion??? I guess partly the fact that his mom was horrible to her growing up, according to my counselor, and that he hasn't come to terms with his father's death in 2008 from an aneurism. Poor excuse, when I was here to talk to, but we had little to no communication.
We managed to stay married through all of my issues, but are still dealing with the affair. The affair started off innocently enough after making contact with an old girlfriend through an internet social networking site. After a few weeks of chit chat, it ramped up.
February of this year, the physical part of the affair took place. (Until this point it had been strictly on line/emotional) The affair was exposed in June....
So since June, and since we decided to work thru this, I knew I had to address not only this but all of my issues. I hope and pray that we'll be ok. I know that things have changed. I just know that I had to address thse issues regardless of what happens, but am very dedicated to repairing this relationship. Fortunately enough, my wife is just as dedicated.
Thank you so much for your honest opinion..Did you and your wife remain married through you issues? I wish yall both the best...stick with it and thanks for sharing!
Perhaps I too went through a mid-life crisis. (Buying a Corvette would have been a lot less stressful than the crap I put my wife and family through).
I think a lot of things can put this into motion. I have had a depression issue for as long as I can remember. Being the tuff guy I thought I was, I never sought any professional help for it....because men dont do that. (Dumb typical male stereotype) Stress, insecurity, complacency, lack of communication.....you name it, it can be a cause. Each case is different.
When it comes to finding closure, I guess time is your best friend. Perhaps seek a bit of counseling for yourself. (My wife and I are working through my dilema, and I have found talking to a counselor to be very theraputic.... I have learned alot about myself and life in general.)
I wish you luck.
I'm sorry things ended that way for you. Through reading a lot of similar posts I consider myself one of the lucky ones to still have my beautiful wife with me. It appears that guys going through this react and try to deal with it in different ways and so many end up losing or giving up the ones they love because they can't work through their feelings. I reacted the same way he did initally and I saw the hurt I was causing and it caused me a great deal of pain to see what I was doing, but I was in such a mess. I would often find myself crying over it because of what I was doing and I couldn't stop it.
Though things are better now, it takes a long time to get over. I know and trust that time will heal these wounds.
Best wishes to you.