Respirtory failure in a child wiht cerebral palsy

[Andy91]

Hi My 3 year old son passed away in Nov 07 the coroner put it down to respirtory failure due to his condition (Moderate to severe).  I don't understand what this means obviously I know he stopped breathing, but what caused this.  my son had severe excess secretions and he was tube fed and had been vomiting for a month beforehand our docs could'nt find anything wrong with him at the time and he did'nt show any signs of being poorly.  I found Jacob after his monitor alarm went off, we had to position him and when I found him his face was buried in the pillow I thought he had suffocated but there were no fibers etc found.  I cleared his airway before giving him cpr and noticed bloody secretions in his mouth.  I'm worried it's something I did wrong that caused his death.  His eyes were only slightly open when I found him I questioned his nurse about this and she said he was asleep when he passed I'm at my wits end thinking he was awake and crying for me and I never heard him and whether he suffered can you help answer some of my questions please?

[alwaysbelieve]

Acceptance and acknowledgement are two different things, in my opinion. Acknowledgement is the formation of the realization your child is gone (or whatever the circumstance is)
Acceptance in it's literal sense, means what has occured is 'okay'

I will never accept that my son is gone...however, the realization is that he is. I do not like it....will never like it....but it never was my call.

I think it is easier to think somehow we contributed to this loss. The guilt feelings associated with that allow us to still feel the pain of the loss. Not feeling the pain anymore somehow makes the loss 'okay'. I think we need to feel some comfort with the loss, if only for the sake of our child's comfort. Does that mean we think it's 'okay' he is gone? No. Just that we did not have control over the timing, causes of that event and we can allow ourselves to be comforted with the knowledge that, in the end, all they felt was comfort and peace.

My heart is with you......

[Andy91]

Thanks for the info.  I've been told time and time again that he did'nt suffer or feel pain but for some reason it's hard to accept.  Thank you I think it's time I tried to start believing he had no pain.
God Bless

[PaulMD]

Hi.

I'm really very sorry for your loss.  I know it must have been very hard.

If it's any consolation, I think he went comfortably and painless.  A patient with respiratory failure would not have enough oxygen to feel anymore pain.

The cause of his respiratory failure may be elusive however the secretions may have a hand in it.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss. My condolences

[Andy91]

Thanks for your reply.  Jacob was smiling at the end.  He looked so peaceful I remember thinking he's not in any pain or discomfort now and he's running about and doing all the things he could'nt do here with us.  I miss him terribly it's just the thought of him dying in pain and calling for me really really hurts and I don't seem to be able to get past it.  
I;m sorry for your loss too God |Bless you and your family
Thank you again

[alwaysbelieve]

First of all let me say how sorry I am and I really DO know what you are going through. My son passed away Aug. 2005 at almost 18 years old. He had an anoxic brain injury when he was 2 months old (post-operative). He was labeled with cerebral palsey when he was 3. I was always under the information that CP is a static disorder. Well, my son developed central apnea when he was 13. We don't know his exact cause of death because I refused an autopsy. He had survived 19 surgeries while alive and I felt it was time for him to be a peace.
Perhaps your son had an apnea episode. My son's cardiologist and I talked about my son's passing and the possiblity he could have been saved with earlier intervention. One thing that was mentioned was any facial grimace after he passed. There wasn't any. He seemed peaceful. In that regard, it was felt he was gone in an instant. His nerve endings weren't able to relay any pain from the recussitative measures.
I know this is a long road and there is nothing that will alleviate your pain. No matter what. Please know my heart is with you.