compulsive staring

[bluestream006]

i have compulsive habbit of staring at the genitals of guys and girls . i am absolutely straigt but i can't help it ... does anyone relateto this problem and is there a cure

[toejam_muncher]

perhaps you should share more about your experience. i see this is your first post. how strong is the compulsion to stare at a strangers genitalia? what do you find so interesting about it outside of the usual? how long do you actually stare at it and is it causing disturbances in your daily life? have you tried to get help from a psychiatrist?

please be specific. there's those people kind enough to help with your genitalia fixation...but really can't help much when you only give a 2 1/2 sentence description. you know, i have ocd...and i've always feared other people finding out about it because it's such a crippling disorder and yet society LOVES to make fun of it. it can easily destroy a life...and yet there are those who stand around and laugh while it does so....or pretend they have some silly compulsion of their own in hopes of feeling better about themselves and getting a laugh. i've always thought of these people as the scum of the earth and obviously insecure about their own standing in society as a whole. none the less, i noticed this is your first posting and so i can assure you that in this community you don't have to feel alone. it would take a terrible person indeed to go out of their way and come to a community like this only to make fun of those who actually do have mental illness. so, all in all, welcome to the community and hopefully you can find some help with your problem...but you'll probably need to be more specific.

[towardsbetter]

I´ve had this problem all my life. It started when I was about 11 or 12. It´s really been the single most troubling issue I´ve ever had to face and the embarassment has taken me to near suicide attempts. I´ve tried half a dozen medications for OCD, some work but leave you like a zombie. Its relieving to hear that I´m not the only one in this world with this fixation. I´ve been too embarassed to go see a shrink about it, but now I think I will.

[stitchupthosepatches]

I started having this problem four years ago. i am 21, straight, female. It's really takes a toll on my life. I would isolate myself from people because of this.  I've been prescribed drugs and i think they help a bit, but it's the "dont look at it" thought that makes you look. and it keeps repeating and repeating.  You just get more and more anxious and draw yourself away from society.  I know others feel uncomfortable when I do it too and it makes me feel so guilty. It happens with both males and females, too. anyway, you guys are not alone... i don't think there is a quick fix, just have to teach ourselves to move on.

[titicaca510]

Hi!

i just want to say that I had this problem for 15 years. once my boss told me to look at people in the eyes so i knew he was talking about it. After that i knew where to look and i don't have much problem anymore. when i don't know where to look i just close my eyes and take a big breath. now my relationships with people have drastically improved and i feel a lot better. if i accidentaly look at genitals i just turn my head. i still feel guilty a bit but i moved on.

you can get over it. i did.

[CanAnyBodyHelpMe]

Dear bluestream006,

Its very comforting to know that I am not the only one who does this and has this problem. Sorry I cant help you with a cure, mine is to not look at people, because I feel ashamed of my actions, especially when I feel that someone notices or is aware of my staring, its starting to affect my relationships though and I have recently been diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety.

If you have learnt anything about this topic, since your post, I would greatly appreciate any feedback or support you could offer, I just wont this problem to go away, I feel so ashamed, like crawling under a rock and dying :(

I have been getting bullied at work and I dont know whether I am paranoid that people know about my problem or they know about my problem and this why they treat me the way they do, its not very nice, the motive of my staring I dont know what it is, I cant control it, get no pleasure out of it, maybe I'm comparing myself to woman in relation to breasts, but for males and females genitalia I dont know whats going on there, Im straight, in a relationship my partner is not aware of this problem, I dont think I could tell him, have told one of my sisters, she was very supportive and an x partner and he was very supportive too.

Now that I know I am not the only person who does this I might work up the courage to find a medical professional I can discuss this with, its gonna be really hard though and embarrassing, cant believe I am posting this to be honest, this is something that I thought for a long time I would take to the grave and never breath a word to soul.

Thank you to everyone who has made a comment about his topic I feel not so alone now.

[Edward321]

Hi,

I have the exact same problem... i can look at people in the eye.. but its sort of a glaze/starting at the eye whilst subconsciously staring at the genitals areas.

I'm straight... i feel like a freak, I've no idea why its developed but it just gets worse... the more you think about it the more you do it... the more you try to think "don't do it" the worse it becomes...

I went to see a hypnotist, he couldn't hypnotize for timbuktu, didn't work on me... but he did have some good suggestions i.e positive thinking & try think of something positive to distract yourself...

The only thing is, im thinking about it all the time, trying to stop...

Can anyone help suggest anything?  

[katesbeads]

Hi. Its reasuring to hear from so many people with similar problems to my own, I thought I was the only one! My problem means I cant stop stairing at people in my line of vision, so I cant sit in the cinema because I stair at the back of peoples heads and they turn around. I find this problem stops me from having much of a social life and has drained my confidence over many years. I would love to know of anyone who has had sucsesfull treatment for this.

[pittfan17]

The+thing+to+remember+when+dealing+with+ocd+is+that+it+makes+u+think+the+opposite+of+what+u+want+to+think.if+ur+a+guy+who+is+obsessed+with+staring+at+guys+crotches+then+its+probably+because+being+gay+is+something+u+strongly+disagree+with.+Just+remember+that+ur+ocd+isnt+u.its+the+exact+opposite+of+u.so+rest+assured+that+ur+straight+and+that+ur+not+some+pervert.+I+hope+this+helps.+The+best+way+to+defeat+ocd+is+to+simply+ignore+uncomfortable+thoughts+or+urges.+dont+put+ur+own+thoughts+into+wondering+why+u+thought+what+u+just+did.just+let+it+go+and+be+free.theres+a+song+by+bob+marley+that+i+love.i+think+every+person+with+ocd+should+listen+to+it.its+called+3+little+birds.if+u+can+learn+to+live+life+by+those+lyrics+obsessive+thoughts+will+leave.

[With_hope]

Hey y'all!!!!!! I have got the same prob here going on 11 years. ***** don't it....One suicide attempt at 21. Met my husband to be about a month later, been married 6 years and 3 beautiful kids.  My depression persists. Feels YUCKY to be me, still I trudge on.  There have been some really beautiful moments in my life. And a ton of moments with my beautiful family where I can completely encompass my soul around them and just be.............Anyone out there that is struggeling with these issues Don't give up and don't allow yourself to be squashed under the foot of what society calls normal. There are a lot of people out there that have problems...We are survivors!  Don't feel small and worthless........Yes I am wierd, yes you can call me a freak...just don't feel sorry for me or say I am a perv.  I like the fact that I can tell a lot about people by the way they react to me. Some people think I am coming on to them...GROSS Wouldn't want to be your friend anyways....If you laugh and make fun of me I wouldn't want to be your friend anyways.  I know it's difficult but If anyone wants to chat contact me!!!!!  Love you all so much!  Serena:)

[kathy_43]

Been struggling with this for eleven years now.  Tried meds that were targeted at OCD and tried therapy, neither worked.  Just wanted to say thank you for your posting.  First of all, I can so relate to what you are describing.  Second of all, thank you for insight and perspective.  I really needed that and hope many others reading this, take your words to heart!  
Thank you!!

[ebenezar]

hello serena i am guessing u are blue stream009, i am a guy and i am not gay and of course OCD has had much effects on me my first real episode was like 14 yrs ago with another issue than this one ...i now find myself staring at genitals both women and now its been obsessing about mens genital too and that has wreaked havoc on me at work i even decided to resign from work as a result..because my OCD..came on full swing late 2009.. [this is my first time on this site although i have had this webpage in my favorites on my laptop for many months now.. i was drawn to your comment or was it from -- with_hope-- anyway the PART CONCERNING FRIENDS AND PPL WHO MAKE FUN OF YOU I CAN CERTAINLY UNDERSTAND WHERE U COMING FROM.. AND THATS WHAT PROMPTED ME TO POST TO U AND i am guessing i will get some advice on this site if my posts goes through and feed back is positive... i am not here for any ulterior motives just for support and help i like to assist the best i can myself cause i feel so much for the poor and ailing ones among us in society i want everybody on this site to know that

[ShinDigaloo]

It is very reassuring to find out I am not the only one who has to deal with this disorder. I have OCD among other things and I have had the misfortune to stare at men/womens genitals since a teenager. I am straight and the more I tell myself to stop, or force myself the more of an urge I have. I usually just pick points around their body; knees, hands, elbows, face and dart my eyes back and forth to each point avoiding the genitalia area. Like all of you this has caused me serious issues with others. I am in a recovery group for Narcotics and it is my safety net. Many women in the group think I am a creep for staring and men avoid me because they think I am gay or hitting on them. I have lost jobs due to this, ruined associations, blah, blah..etc, etc.

I have heard some talk of having shame around this or sexual orientation, the best way for me to describe why I do this, and please add any comments, is that I am not supposed to do this. This is why I have an urge, I think "Ok, don't stare" and the urge gets stronger until I do. When I don't think about it, I don't stare and have no issue. If I could just get rid of this single obsession I would be so happy.

Does anyone have any medications, advice, etc on this subject? Thanks!

[JGF25]

You are so right.  What our minds are capable of is astonishing.  Its like having a panic attack in the car.  The next time you drive you are afraid you are going to have one and because you think this way, boom, you of course have one.  Its a viscious cycle.    You have developed a good coping mechanism that works for you...kind of like your own behavior mod.  If you are in a narcotics group then medication probably isn't the best route for you to go.  Just keep up with the CBT, I know it works for me when I use it.

Have you ever just tried to look them straight in the eye and never let your gaze wonder even when you have the thought?  Or pick places on their face to stare at such as mouth to ear to eyes and back again rather than knees, hands, elbows, etc?  Just a thought.  I don't have this particular OCD problem...just a host of other obsessive thoughts.  

Peace....

[Bapi1967]

I too exactly the same problem, I facing this problem for the last 26 Years. I want to share the experiences with somebody who have similar type of problem. Please mail me at
***@****

[magixtick]

I dont have this problem but my girlfriend does, how do a man deals with his girl friend constantly looking at other mens private area...I CANT STAND IT!!!

[JGF25]

More importantly is does she feel she has a problem with compulsive staring?  Is this something she has confessed to you or something you notice her doing and don't like?  

[Ian1970]

Hi. I too have this problem and driving me crazy and ruining social life. I don't stare at peoples genital but have a compulsion to stare at faces.  I stare on the subway (btw I live in nyc and if you do this you're looking for trouble). I am afraid to take buses, I have to pretend to read a newspaper or fake sleeping. I do it in the laundry room and my neighbors get uncomfoortable and I get even more uncomfortable I am generally a laid  back don't look for trouble kind a guy. If I stare a t a woman they think I"m coming on to them. If its a guy they think I'm gay. (I'm perfectly straight). This is very distressing, and at some point I may become agoraphobic(won't leave my house.) I've tried many meds but so far no luck. CBT is very hard for me. If anybody out there can offer advice. Thanks.

[JGF25]

What do you mean by "CBT is very hard forr me?"  You have tried it without success?  What other techniques have you tried other than fake sleeping and pretending to read a newspaper?

[spheresus]

Hi I'm glad I found this place I thought I was alone in this. My problem has to do with staring at people mainly their faces. It makes more sense about the OCD to stare at peoples privates because that is the most anxiety causing and OCD loves anxiety! I don't know why the crotch area never compelled me to stare but instead it's people in general I stare at.

This problem feels so unbeatable I forgot how I was able to be in a crowd of people say in school and never feel compelled to stare at any one now I can't ever imagine feeling the way I did before this problem hit me. If any one is like me please feel free to message me.

[amelvery]

hi you just posted 4 hours ago and here I am another person with the same problem. Its gone as far as staring at my stepdads crotch and of course he is probably thinking im a crazy lunatic. but it happens with virtually every male I encounter. it is horrible but I know its an anxiety based symptom. I had this horrible starring thing going on with my male boss and one day I spend like a couple hours with him and after that its like I didnt have the compulsion to stare but of course the next day it was back again. im a 21 female so I look specially ******* weird to people

[spheresus]

My internet connection is spotty at the moment but I've been trying to research online treatments for what we have. The good news is that this is all OCD the specific symptom itself doesn't matter so if we stare at faces, people, crotches or windows it doesn't matter the treatment is the same. For the first time I finally feel like there is hope.

It's hard for me to imagine not having this problem it's so automatic so rooted in my brain that it's as easy as breathing but I say to myself once upon a time I never had this problem and never could have imagined it either! So there must be a way to go back or treat this problem until it isn't one any more.

Please feel free to contact me I already tried to reach out to others which by the way I'm going to check my emails :)

[vw2434]

I’m convinced I have hocd and need help. I’m 24 year old male and one night around September I overheard a friend say “he’s weird, gay or something” referring to me. That night in bed I couldn’t get his comment out of my head I began to analyze and analyze why he thought this. “Am I gay? Why does he think this? I have never been in a serious relationship is that why he thinks that?” I continued to ask myself. The idea that people thought I was homosexual began to grow into my brain and began to loop uncontrollably. I just tried to ignore my thoughts but the more I tried the more I would think about them.
One day I realized I was staring at a friend’s crotch area, it made me feel uncomfortable and I was disgusted, he noticed and from then on I could tell he began to feel uncomfortable in my presence. I guess I began doing this to everyone I encountered because my friends began to treat me differently and talk among themselves.
In December I graduated college and moved back home to find a job. I hung-out with my neighborhood friends as I always did till I began doing the same thing and they started to notice my staring problem. Since then I have avoided all my friends and don't have a social life anymore. I concentrated on my new job but I stare at people everywhere including work.This problem is all i can think about and has taken over my existence. I work with all males in the construction field and i feel everyone has noticed my problem and are judging me. Recently, I get the feeling that they try to avoid me or speak among themselves about me. This problem has ruined my social life and has become an issue at work. I haven’t told anyone in my family about it because of fear.
Over the past week I have begun to research online my problem and found out there are a lot of other people like me who refer to this disease as HOCD. I desperately need help my mind is driving me crazy.  It has become difficult to make eye contact as my eyes always move to the crotch area. I don’t want to stare but It’s like I can’t control it and when i do i feel awful and fear the consequences. I say don’t stare and I automatically do.I have never done anything homosexual and get no pleasure from this that i am sure of. I feel terrible every time I compulsively stair and the fear has taken over my life. Please advise i need help immediately.

[Chefboyarp]

Yo this is literally like reading my own current story! has life changed??

[specialmom]

that's hard chefboyarp!   Almost all things can be helped to some extent with a therapist.  Have you considered that?

[vw2434]

I feel the same exact way. I recently started the staring and it has ruined my life. I avoid all my friends, and my coworkers must think the same thing. I don't know what to do. My thoughts are haunting me. I think "Ok, don't stare" and the urge gets stronger until I do. When I don't think about it, I don't stare and have no issue. But when i do stare i feel awful and i feel like they know i was staring making it worse. Help, advise, opinions..I don't want to lose my job or keep going on with these obsessions.

[Lala05]

I have the same problem. I started having these thoughts or "actions" when I was pregnant. I feel so guilty and ashamed. I stare down at my feet or avoid looking people at the face. At work it's the worst. My self esteem is so low.