I believe I may have developed an ocd about the way I smell. I can't put a finger on exactly when it may have started, but it has seriously affected the way I act in the workplace. I'm a extremely shy and quiet person to begin with, and have been living with serious depression for over 20 years. Due to this I'm not a very outgoing person at work, and constantly worried, at times even paranoid about others physical perception of me.
The earliest instance I can think of which MAY have triggered this paranoia, is when I was working at my previous job before my current one I just happen to be walking by a girl, and she just happen to say something quietly that kind of sounded like "he stinks" , or "he smells", something to that effect. But to this day I'm not really sure what she said, I know for sure that I heard a hard "S" sound at the end. And having to already deal with the depression and anxiety problems that I mention earlier, I guess may mind attached the worse possible scenario to it.. And it happened a few more times as well.
Now I'm at my current job this fear has followed me here also. I started similarly as before, I walk by, I here something that sound they're saying "he stinks", or "he smells", then the paranoia returns. But now its gone even further then that, if people walk by and they put a hand or finger anywhere close to their nose, I get worried. Or if they sniff, or cough or sneeze, when I'm near by. It's to the point now that anytime a person is near, me my mind automatically start psycho analyzing, pretty much any and every aspect of their body language.
But other times those same people, would start a conversation with me, and not show any discomfort with the way I smell. Often times within the same day. I can't wrap my brain around this. In fact I can't wrap my brain around any of this. I really want to believe, that this is all in my head, and perhaps maybe all those years of depression have taken more of a toll on me, than I thought. However I consider myself an intelligent guy. and there is no rhyme or reason for a smart person, to constantly and needlessly imagining harmful situations like this.
What make is even more odd is that I myself can't smell it. And I have a pretty good nose for smelling a variety of different smells. But when I smell myself, honestly all I smell is the deodorant that I put on, I don't smell anything foul or offensive on me I also smelled my cloths after I come home from work and they smell fine, usually a faint fabric softener smell, or the armpits area smell like deodorant.
I mention this because I've seen posts by other people where they themselves actually smelled the offensive odor on themselves, but I don't which leaves me even more confused to what gong on. Like I a said this "phobia" has been going on for a couple of years now, and I can't believe it just in my head, I'm too intelligent just to be imagining crap like this.
I apologize for the long post, I don't post personal stuff like this, but my life wasn't good before and now this is just making it worse. Anyone else that may have had similar problem like this how did you deal with it? Were you about to get over it if so how?