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Constant doubt of reality

I don't know what to do, over 6 months ago the thought 'what if nothing was real' popped into my mind. I cant get rid of it, I can try to reason with it, but it doesn't stick... it makes me feel so alone and depressed. I can be with my family and still not 'feel' them. And the thoughts are constant. Im trying erp on my own, just agreeing with everything and going about my day, but should the doubt eventually go away? I don't want to have to carry this around for the rest of my life.
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1699033 tn?1514113133
COMMUNITY LEADER
Does this sound like what you are experiencing?

sol·ip·sism (slp-szm, slp-)
n. Philosophy
1. The theory that the self is the only thing that can be known and verified.
2. The theory or view that the self is the only reality.

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If so, you are not alone.  There have been a few people posting on the forum regarding this.  

Let me know if this is what you are experiencing.
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Avatar universal
Yep, that's pretty much it. From what ive seen the people have either got over it quick or they've had it for years. Two extremes and im afraid im past being able to forget it :/
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1699033 tn?1514113133
COMMUNITY LEADER
Never say never especially if you have not sought out professional help.  Have you?
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Avatar universal
Im scheduled to see a psychiatrist in August, I pray they can help.
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1699033 tn?1514113133
COMMUNITY LEADER
The philosophy of life is a tough one but I'm sure that the doctor will be able to help you.  It isn't something you can get closure on per se and so I think it tends to stick around when people don't seek help.  I mean, God or whomever you believe that to be, isn't going to just materialize in front of you one day.  OCD is about control and the fact that we want to control everything about our environment and when we can't do that, we run into problems.  That is why we "what-if" everything.  I think that you will be fine...all the others who posted on here did get over the thought so keep that in the back of your mind.  Take care.  
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Avatar universal
Thank you, I figure once the anxiety and depression is under control it should seem a lot less scary and more irrational
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Avatar universal
I'm glad you posted this. Please don't feel alone. I'm 19 and about 3 months ago the thought "What if nothing matters" came into my head. I had a panic attack and remained in a state of complete despair for about a week. Finally I had to get some anti-anxiety medication to help me calm down (I always tried to stay away from meds, but it was necessary in this case). Once I was calm enough I was able to get my thoughts in order. I was anxious and panicked for a couple weeks, but I worked though it. I stopped resisting the anxiety and fear and just let it be. I rested a lot and drank tons of water and did my best to read things that comforted me or made sense (such as The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle).

Finally, I got out of my panicked state and was very peaceful and at ease for about 3 weeks. I am now seeing a therapist who is working with me to get rid of the obsessive thoughts and the obsessive need to control everything-- including things we can't control. I have a need to know the answers to everything and so the constant question of what is life, what matters, what happens after death, etc really bother me. However, I truly am working through it with this therapist. She's a genius. I went to 2 other therapists first before I found her. You just have to know that you will find someone who can help, you just have to find the therapist who is right for you.

As for the feeling of being alone even when surrounded by people-- I totally understand that. In my worst panicked and anxious phases my boyfriend was by my side the entire time. I was so distraught that it didn't instantly fix my lonely feelings. However, take those opportunities when you feel like that to identify what you're feeling. That way you know how to put it into words and then once you can do that, you can find a way to cope. I promise you this can be helped.

I once felt hopeless too. And now, even though today I feel terribly anxious and panicked and want answers to everything, I am hopeful and stable enough to write this post to you and let you know that you aren't alone, you can get helped, and you will get through this.

Also, every time you get through something like this, you grow spiritually and mentally stronger.
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Avatar universal
Hello Hosscat, I am in exactly the same state of mind. Did you have a rough time before these thaughts popped in to your mind? I did with the fear of hiv.

Greetings, Erik (The Netherlands)
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Avatar universal
Thank you brush, that gives me a lot of hope :)
And yes worried I was having a rough time with things before this, depression which turned to anxiety, which turned into obsessive thoughts, went through a couple shorter themes before this big one hit.
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Avatar universal
You know what...there is a theory that whole world is like a computer simulation and that we are living in a form of matrix...dont know if you saw the movie named like it.so...
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Avatar universal
No, I haven't seen it.

Ive been in a pretty bad place lately, lots of suicidal thoughts, though im not planning on doing anything, its just that's how bad its gotten. I don't understand acceptance...what good will it do to accept this horrible idea? Do I just stop thinking about it and life goes back to normal? Its so frustrating having to wait so long to see a pdoc, im afraid after this long wait they wont be able to help me.... how can medicine help doubt?
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1699033 tn?1514113133
COMMUNITY LEADER
By saying "I'm okay with this" to one of our irrational  thoughts we start to take the fear out of it.  After a while, you stop fighting and give in and then the thought goes away.  I know it sounds counterintuitive but you have to find a way to take the fear away from the thoughts.  

So for instance if you think about two people on an airplane and one is afraid to fly because the plane could crash and she would die and is sitting in her seat hyperventilating and the other is also afraid of crashing and dying but gets on the plane and says "okay here I am, what is going to be is going to be and that's it...it is out of my control" This is the person that is able to get a handle on their irrational thinking.  By saying scr*ew it basically, she is able to make it through the flight.  Maybe she does some controlled breathing to help her (a bit of CBT).  Whatever it takes to take the fear away.  

Medication helps because it helps us to let the irrational thought go.  It helps us to not sit there and dwell on it.  It helps us to be like everyone else.  If you think John Doe hasn't had the same thought as you, you are wrong.  The only difference is they thought it and then dismissed it right away.  Lack of certain neurotransmitters in our brains affects our mood and it affects how cells are able to communicate with each other.  The medications level out our neurotransmitter levels so that we are more in line with the "normal" people.  
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Avatar universal
So, no matter how bad it gets when the fear goes away I should stop considering it as an actual possibility and just an irrational thought?
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1699033 tn?1514113133
COMMUNITY LEADER
Yes
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Avatar universal
I hope so. Lots of people tell me I wont be able to convince myself because that's what a theme is, maybe they mean when the fear is gone, and its not your theme anymore, then you can convince yourself.
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Avatar universal
Im sad to say im having suicidal thoughts... do you think a therapist would understand this theme and be able to help along with a pdoc? The one closest to me, on their website it says erp in 17 sessions. I didn't know they had a limit and that has me worried on what ill do if im not better by session 17 :/
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1699033 tn?1514113133
COMMUNITY LEADER
I'm sorry that I am just seeing this.  I know how you feel.  I know that you think "my God I'm going to be this way for the rest of my life."  I used to think that about controlled breathing..."My God, I'm going to have to breathe this way for the rest of my life."  But the reality is you do get better.  I think that if you are at the place where you are this depressed, then you really need to discuss with your pdoc about medication to go along with the ERP.  If you need more than 17 sessions of therapy, you can still go.  They aren't going to tell you "Okay, your time is up, good luck."  That is not what therapy is about.  And besides we are paying them for therapy so they really can't put a limit on it.  Trust me please when I tell you that there is a way out of this thinking.  I know because I am living proof of it.  I know the despair, the desperation, the wanting to just go to sleep and never wake up but that is not the answer because this is treatable and you can and will go on to live a normal life.  
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Avatar universal
Brushh, I don't feel to that extreem but I too have feequent thoughts of "what if" and the thought of feeling alone in a crowd of people I love! One specific thing you said struck my interest! When you mentioned your boyfriend -- I have a boyfriend as well and sometimes go through these phases of doubt more-or-less! Then when these thoughts happen I begin to panick: why am i having these thoughts? He doesnt deserve this! He deserve someone better, who's positive all the time! I love him though! Or am I just saying that? Do i mean what I say? -- then i'll start overanalyzing everything when we're together! It usually goes away after a day or two but likw it's so annoying!! -- So I was wondering if this happens to you!?
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Avatar universal
Its just so hard, its been 8 months feeling like my family isn't with me anymore. I want them back.
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Avatar universal
I don't understand, why do people keep telling me I wont be like I was before? That's awful hard to accept, as the way I was before was 'me'. I feel like im being told I cant be me again.
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1699033 tn?1514113133
COMMUNITY LEADER
Who is telling you that you can't be you again?  Any why are you listening to them?  I told you that when you are so deep into this, you do feel like you will be like that forever but what you need is a step forward and then another.  You see, even if I have another crisis situation with my OCD I can always fall back on the fact that I got better each and every time and while I might feel uncomfortable for a while, I know I will be back to myself in a while.  If you don't have that to fall back on in your own life, then use mine and countless others who come out of the crisis and are "normal" again.  
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Avatar universal
People that have had this same obsession. One said even when im better there is no realization it was just an anxious thought, and the other just said you have to deal with it, like he has for the last 5 years. I know I shouldn't keep coming here lamenting, but I just feel so alone in having to deal with this at the moment. Waiting two months to see a pdoc, and the two therapist relatively close to me never emailed me back.
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Avatar universal
Well, my appointment has been moved up to next week. Im pretty nervous, especially about what ill do if they cant help me.
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1699033 tn?1514113133
COMMUNITY LEADER
It is scary but honestly I think or will get the help you need. Try to replace those negative thoughts with positive ones.   "I will get better" not "what will I do if" let us know how it goes. Take care.
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