OCD HIV Concern.. please help me!! I'm losing my mind :( :(

[imgoingcrazyhelpme]

Ok here it goes...
I bought some special underwear online especially made for strip club lapdances and this underwear comes with a packaged lube.  

I put the lube in the underwear but I did it in the dark so I didn't see what color the lube was or anything.  I never ejaculated in the underwear.  

When I got home I just threw the underwear on the floor.  Flash forward a few days I pick up the underwear to wash and it smells and looks a lot like semen, I think.  It could be that it looked weird because of the lighting, I don't know.  

I'm worried that maybe someone at the company out of anger decided to put HIV infected semen lube packet instead of lube in order to infect one random person and that person was me.

This is all very embarrassing to describe, but it had to be done as my stress levels are through the roof.  My main worry is if I'm at risk from all this?

Does anyone have any input, please?

[57Carol]

What if you are at risk? What if companies have no inspection procedures for the clothing they send out, and can send out used items, or dangerous items. What if they employ a person with HIV (not terribly likely as someone with HIV might not be strong enough to work). What if this person leaves semen in the underwear as he works in the underwear factory. (And by the way, how  would he do it? Does he take it into the men's room? Does no one else on the assembly line notice this?) What if this got sent to you, and only you out of all the people who could possibly order underwear in this size and color. And what if the semen got sealed in the packet, yes, and on and on and on..............so yes, you may be at risk. In my opinion, you are thousands of times more likely to be in a car accident, have a bird poop on your head, or lose your keys, but how worried are you about all of these other things? You could die tonight. Anyone of us could. So read the articles that I have patiently posted over and over again for the people who have this fear (there has been quite a run on this particular fear lately). Out of all the people I have ever me in person with OCD, (hundreds, perhaps nearly a thousand), I think only two have ever worried about HIV. Now get yourself some help. Read what I have posted to those with similar concerns and get therapy!

[imgoingcrazyhelpme]

Thanks for the long and thoughtful response to try and clear my head a bit.  I'm worried now what you meant by "...so yes, you may be at risk".  I just asked a doctor here and he said I wasn't at risk.

[nursegirl6572]

You were never at risk.  Like the doctor tried to explain to you, HIV is transmitted via unprotected vaginal or anal sex, or by sharing IV drugs/drug works.  You cannot get HIV from being exposed to fluids in any other way.  You already know this logically, but you cannot convince your OCD brain that it's true.  You're focused on the FEAR, not the FACTS.

What are you doing to address your OCD?

[imgoingcrazyhelpme]

Ok, but I read his response and he said, "If a whacked out bad guy wanted to infect someone with HIV, would he choose a method that only has 1 in a million chance of working?"  So now what's going through my head is that there is a risk, but only one in a million.  Is this risk so small that I don't need to get tested?  He never said I should get tested.

Currently I'm not seeing a psychiatrist/psychologist/therapist, but I plan on making an appointment asap.

[imgoingcrazyhelpme]

Ok, hear me out.  It took a week for that package to get to me and another week for me to use it.  I'm not sure if the lube packet is vacuum sealed or if it would be a factor, but wouldn't the virus be killed anyway in that amount of time if I was in fact sent HIV infected semen?

[57Carol]

OCD will always find a way to think there is something wrong, there is an exception, etc. the one in a million chance. Have you read the articles I posted to others who have asked the same questions? Reassurance seeking is one of the biggest compulsions out there.

[imgoingcrazyhelpme]

This isn't fair.  I don't know who to turn to now because every time I ask a question here it is deleted or not even responded to.  I'm slowly missing more and more work.  I'm having pretty much mental breakdown, going crazy.  I really need help.  I want to ask an expert about my risk because I have a couple other questions that went unanswered.  I would gladly pay more money for my question to be answered, but it will be banned I'm sure of it.  I'm really at a loss.

[57Carol]

It isn't fair that I have donated many hours here to help people and Jodie has donated how many hundreds more? What do you want? You want help and I have offered it.
1) Have you read the articles?
2) Have you gone to the International Obsessive Compulsive Foundation website to begin your search for a therapist?
3) Read the articles on reassurance seeking and realize how much you are the problem and are keeping this going
4) Give up what is NOT WORKING, the compulsive researching and asking for reassurance! You are worried about a one in a million chance and there is about as much chance that you will be struck by lightening or have a meteor fall on you, are you worried about those events?

NO ONE is going to wave a magic wand over you and make this disappear. It requires hard work on your part and this manifestation of your OCD is only one that will plague you always UNLESS you get therapy.

What isn't fair is the way you are treating yourself and looking to others to fix your situation (which is simply not going to happen), when YOU hold the key to getting out of your prison. I will repeat: Have you read the articles? Education is the first step towards healing.

[imgoingcrazyhelpme]

Thanks Carol.  My message wasn't directed towards you, sorry if it was perceived that way.  It was just in general on this website.  I'd rather post in the section that this belongs, but since I can't I just have to let out my thoughts here.  I just hope I can get better soon and get on with my life.  I'm going to make an appointment with a psychologist for my problems.

[57Carol]

when? And I repeat for the last time: HAVE YOU READ THE ARTICLES?

[warriorromeo]

Hey dude,

Its jus OCD.ur situation is far better than mine.I had jus got a negative test after protected sex after 10 weeks.I was jus about to relax and immediately another situation took place.Now i have wait another 10 weeks..i dont know whether is this reality or coincednce or imaginations..things are jus out of ctrl for us....below incident of mine last week is perfect example...makes me mad i dont know what to do...guess we have no option rather than waiting and dying inside...its like a slow poison death killing us for years...

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder-OCD-/OCD-about-hiv-syringe-prickhelp-megoing-crazy/show/2133516