Things will get better. Usually stress brings back the thoughts pattern. Are you stressed over something lately? Glad you are seeing a therapist again.
What you need is to learn how to deal with the thoughts when you have them. How to stop them in their tracks before they take on a life of their own. How to recognize the thought pattern and change it. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Were you learning this with your cognitive therapist?
Well it sounds like OCD to me but I'm not the expert. The only thing I'm expert at is having OCD.
Hello, Sunflower!
I just found your post, and want to add some of my own experience with OCD over the years. It may be a little late (you posted this in 2017), but better late than never, right? Be aware that english is not my first language; sorry for any mistakes I may commit.
"I feel hopeless and scared that this mental loop will continue. I started seeing an OCD specialist today."
"I just want to know that it gets better."
"Has anyone had simlar thoughs? How did you get better?"
Yes, I have. And it will get better eventually, but only if you do the right things.
I have experienced "hiv phobia" OCD since 2002, with different levels of anxiety over the years. In the recent past, I have learned how to manage it properly. It's not always easy, but the anxiety has decreased significantly since then.
So, basically what I have done to manage my OCD can be described in the following steps:
1) Do not, I repeat, DO NOT try to battle against the intrusive thoughts. I have already experienced the same kind of thoughts you described (among many others), but their nature is not important. Do not try to stop having them. It is useless, and it will cause even more anxiety. You have to learn how to live with them. Let them do whatever they want. It doesn't matter how bizarre or how illogical they are. Let them "shout" in your mind as long as they want.
2) Do not react to them. That's the difficult part. I don't know what reactions you have to these thoughts, but try not to perform them. Easier said than done, I know. But when you perform the compulsions, you're feeding the beast. Let it starve to death, so it won't bother you for some time. At first you may experience more anxiety (because you're used to perform some rituals, even if they are just in your head, like trying to remember some situation in details, over and over again), but it will help you in medium to long term.
3) Sometimes you will feel bad and will perform the rituals. That's normal. If you follow the steps aboce, most of the time you'll feel that you are in control, that's the important part. OCD gets weaker once you stop to feeding it. It may not disappear completely, but it will become less and less annoying over time.
4) Talk to your partner about it. It's always good to have someone to talk about it, even if it's not a professional. When you talk about OCD, you can easily see how it's someting completely illogical, but annoying at the same time.
I don't know how you're feeling at the moment, since so many years have passed. Maybe at this point you already know everything I said. But you're not alone, and you're definitely not the only person in the world to have experienced those kinds of thoughts. It's only your mind trying to trick you; you just have to learn how to deal with it properly.