this is not about what you did, the excessive guilt and the focus on a particular thought is about ocd, you need treatment from a psychiatrist , ocd is due to chemical imbalance in our brain, medication and cognitive behavior therapy are solution for it, hence u can tell the psychiatrist that some things which happened in past makes u feel guilty and u cant focus on any other thing .
I wanted to take a minute to address something I've noticed in a lot of your posts (hope you don't mind).
You post a lot about how OCD is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. That is actually not proven, and believe it or not, that "theory" was propagated mainly as a marketing ploy to help "sell" the newer SSRI/SNRI antidepressants. It's actually crazy, because as the popularity of those medications increased, so did the belief in this theory....by almost everyone, including doctors! I was one of them, and like you, I repeated the same info, verbatim, because it was logical, and made sense. That "theory" has been repeated so much, that for most people, it's regarded as a cold hard fact. Just in the last few years, the info started coming out that this indeed was not a scientific fact, and it's origin had more to do with pushing medications than anything else.
Now, that being said, I'll tell you that I'm a huge proponent of medications. Personally, they have helped me tremendously (with panic disorder and depression). Obviously, for whatever reason, for a LARGE portion of people, they do work. I honestly don't really care WHY they work, I'm just happy they do (for me anyway).
So, anyway, I hope you don't mind me sharing that with you. I just hate to see people continuing to parrot that information without knowing more about it...and sadly, many of us do that because that's what we've been told, often by our own doctors. I was absolutely stunned and shocked to learn about the history of the theory, and how a lot of its "oomph" was created for marketing purposes!
So, also, to say that OCD is not curable unless the "imbalance" is fixed, or to say that a person NEEDS medication to address it just isn't factually true. A lot of times, medications DO help a person a lot...but there ARE people who manage to treat it without Rx medications.
I was in the exact same boat, so don't feel bad. I shudder at the thought of how many of my patients I told the same info to. Yikes! It really is amazing how something like that can just take off, and so easily be accepted as an undeniable scientific fact!
For more info...if you're interested, here are some links, from reputable sources, that explain a bit about this "theory", how it was born, and how it's grown into being accepted by probably MOST people as fact (the first link really goes into great detail):
Anyways, I think your posts are very helpful...people get great comfort knowing they're not alone, and hearing from someone who has lived it that it IS possible to come out on the other side! You're no doubt an asset to the forum...and I think you should have the most accurate info!
Thanks for reading...take care!
thanks, i will look into it
Yes it sounds like classic OCD which is very often linked to feeling you are not worthy or deserving of love and happiness. The anxiety overrides everything. Try to think of it like this - humans are sexual beings, u r a sexual being, and u took the opportunity to be sexually aroused in that moment..u didn't hurt anyone, not even the dog. There is actually a movie (can't remember the name) where an actor states that she let her dog lick her 'down there'...and this was in a comedy. So please don't beat yourself up. OCD sufferers generally have issues around sex so this is 'normal' in OCD terms...but it's the OCD that is more your problem, not what apparently 'terrible' thing u did (which of course it wasn't).