Ocd affecting grades and exams.

[Elzxy]

It’s been 5 years since i have had this OCD, at first it wasn’t that bothersome. I used to watch those videos on youtube about what’s on people’s iphone & stuff like that & it made me want to clean my phone in a way~

After 2019, it got way worse. It was starting to affect my other parts of life. In 2020, I had a major exam to take but I had like a weird block that didn’t let me start my ritual as well, really annoying how you can still have ocd block your ocd rituals & compulsions!
This feeling of uncertainty has never let me feel in peace, luckily they announced that the exams will be taken in online so i managed to get away from that one but it has gotten so worse…

I have started my college and now I have to always clean my room like every single part, even the house, check all my notebooks if i wrote anything stupid, i also check my phone and delete all my social media posts as well as my photos & everything in my daily life has been affected like washing clothes and making sure it is super clean every time

I have been also wanting to be the “perfect” person so i have been always doing this ritual of restarting over to be more productive but it always ends up falling at the end and then my mental compulsions strike again

I have learned that erp & just letting it be is the way to go but I have told my parents and they don’t care one bit, they just brush it off like it’s nonsense; they say theres no such thing so now i can’t even go to a therapist. I’m just 17… i feel so miserable i have anxiety disorder as well that i stutter so badly. I also ‘have’ to speak very well if not if i stutter my ocd strikes. I have been failing all my exams because i couldn’t get rid of this ocd, i feel like dying is the only way to have some peace in mind because nothing in life seems to be going great, neither my family, my judge mental surroundings with family & friends, mean friends, no love, no support from anyone, no good grades, good at nothing

I just want to die and get out of this world
I really wish I wasn’t made in this world…

[specialmom]

That's really hard. I feel for you. My son also has significant ocd. His is a little bit different. But he does also have the perfectionist issue. I'm sorry that your parents don't recognize how this impacts you or is willing to help and support you. However, good news. You say you are in college? As part of college, you have health services. INCLUDING mental health. Almost every US university has mental health services for students.  Checkout what your university has and would guess you can get counseling right there and either free or very inexpensive. As to ERP, look online. You really CAN begin on your own. The strategies are useful and you can 'try'. I wonder if you have considered medication. That is something that perhaps you could even see your regular doctor for or again, someone at your university. An SSRI may help you tremendously get a grip on the ocd. You are old enough to be at college, you may be able to do all of this without any parents know. I know at university (I have a college kid), that parents do not get to know a bloody thing unless you authorize it through FERPA documents. So, you could begin handling your health there without their involvement. And when you are home, you could get a physical (most people do this annually) and talk to your regular doctor who also could prescribe medication. I guess your parent would see it when paying your pharmacy bill. Sigh. But that would be terrible if they didn't allow you to get help.

Anyway, ERP links that might help. https://iocdf.org/expert-opinions/expert-opinion-self-directed-erp/

First identify what is an ocd thought/or belief and what is the compulsion. Identifying it first helps. Then the next goal? Hard. But don't carry out the compulsion. May feel terrible but you get used to it and then the terrible goes away. Then the ocd trigger doesn't make you do the compulsion anymore.

What do you think?