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Did I molest my sister or is this pocd/false memory?
Last june I was waiting for my girlfriend and was watching t.v. and a show about pedophiles and child molesters came up and I suddenly started obsessing that I was one. I looked to my past and there is one memory that truly bothers me only its not one memory, I have about 10 memories of what I felt or did and theyre all different but all the same event. It centers around one time when I was wiping my little sister after she got out of the bathroom. I had never found this pleasing before, i thought her vagna was gross and it was just a job. this time though , I remember the thought of "what if this turns her on?" now this is where it gets hazy. one memory has me turning it into a joke in my head and laughing, ne has me looking to test if she does while i wipe, and another has me scared and nervous. I do know that she shivered (because it was cold) and that I stopped becaue I kinda got scared that I was doing something wrong, ut i'm scared I might have liked it. I'm scared I might have had some strange animalistic steak or something that made me do something bad, and im scared I knew I did this for two yars and didnt feel guilty because Im sick. I have no idea what really happend. I do know that whenever ive seen pedophilia in a movie or book Ive been disgusted, but Im scared I might have done it.
when my sisters friends come over i test my self the whole time and im so scared I ussually have to leave. I have hocd , nut Im so scared I did something terrible. Im so scared paart of me is evil, and I have a vague memory of feling evil but i dont know if i really did. If I did this i want to die, i feel so disgusting.
Im a 16 year old male, please help me.
when my sisters friends come over i test my self the whole time and im so scared I ussually have to leave. I have hocd , nut Im so scared I did something terrible. Im so scared paart of me is evil, and I have a vague memory of feling evil but i dont know if i really did. If I did this i want to die, i feel so disgusting.
Im a 16 year old male, please help me.
Best Answer
Donovon, Tell your parents you are suffering from anxiety. You don't have to tell them why or what you are thinking, just tell them you have anxiety issues and you would like to see a psychologist or counselor. I've read all your posts and I can see you are obsessed with these thoughts, they are plaguing you. You need to hear that "YOU ARE IN NO WAY, SHAPE OR FORM A MOLESTER AND YOU NEVER WILL BE" You need to hear these words come from a professionals mouth. It's very common to get these thoughts and grow up with the experiences you have only people without OCD dismiss these thoughts and let them go without analyzing them. YOU HAVE OCD. ACT NOW. ACTION is the only way to get rid of this. Tell your parents you have anxiety issues and you want to see a professional. HELP YOURSELF NOW DONOVON.
Are you doing the breathing and meditation? Did you go to the library and look for the books Donovan?
Alan is right...we cannot fix you...only you can do that with the help of professionals. Our reassurance only goes so far and then you are back at it. Look at it from our perspective. As the people who are trying to guide you in the right direction we get tired of writing the same things. We can certainly sympathize because we have been where you are but we need to see some action on your part to help yourself get better.
Alan is right...we cannot fix you...only you can do that with the help of professionals. Our reassurance only goes so far and then you are back at it. Look at it from our perspective. As the people who are trying to guide you in the right direction we get tired of writing the same things. We can certainly sympathize because we have been where you are but we need to see some action on your part to help yourself get better.
Hello , thank you very much for your reply, it really means alot to me. I have told my parents and I've been begging my mom to let me see one since June but we can't afford one . I've calmed down a little bit for now, but thoughts just won't stop you know? I'm really trying to get help but it seems like for now this website is the closest i can get. Its just impossible to get a break.
like for example I keep obsessing that I molested my dog because when I was petting him he seemed like he really liked it and I joked that he was getting off. It just never ends.
like for example I keep obsessing that I molested my dog because when I was petting him he seemed like he really liked it and I joked that he was getting off. It just never ends.
This is the third time Ive tried to post the comment , the first on my ipod and then on my computer and the two previous were both somehow deleted just as I was about to hit enter. Anyways , please read this, I dont know if this is completely ocd.
I was very sexual after I saw the man in the mcdonalds bathroom and I often wonder if i was molested, I even tried to ouch my moms boobs once when i was little.
When I was little my step dad would watch extremely sexual things in front of me and my step sister, once he apparently had a porno on. I'm pretty sure he may have molested y step sister as he acted very strange with her and she was always acting sexually with me at age five, I felt somewhat aroused but also very weird.
I also took a barbie into my room and started kissing it around this time and had my toys kiss girl toys and i practiced kissing on my pillow.
In first grade i had a girl my aage pin me against a wall and say that her parents were having sex which scared me and I ran away thinking she wanted to even though i didnt really know what it was.
i started fearing i as going to get molested around this time, a story I already shared above.
Then in the fith grade i was waiting for someone to take me to school when i heard screaming noises coming from my parents bedroom , I thought my mom was being murdered but when i rushed in i just saw her and my step dad having sex , they didnt even stop , they just smiled and my mom moaned sorry. I ran downstairs and cried but i could still hear them. my step dad finnally came and got me and asked what my problem was.
the next year he bragged about picturing my mom naked and how hot she was which made me sick.
in 7th grade he moved out and in 8th we moved for the 15th time to a condo my grandma as renting us. this is when things got ad. I started getting weird feelings and thoughts around my sister and would have to repeat holding her to check the thoughts. i would have anxiety every time i touched her.
This is when the changing incident happend, I was wiping my sister ad thought her vagina was really gross, i was debating whether or not to wipe it. Then the thought entered my mind that sh might get turned on, and this is where its blurry, did I wipe normal or more slowly, was i anxious or lustful? right now i keep thinking lustful but I really dont know. then she shivered from the cold, but i thought she was turned on and again i dont remember if i was anxious, thought it was funny, or felt lustful.
I got hocd really bad a few months later and once when i had to help my sister change her swim suite i remmebered how i had thought her vagina had been gross and i looked at it to see if it was still gross, i didnt touch it but i feel horrible about this, and it still was gross. I focused on hocd for the next year until i was watching the show i first mentioned and rememebered all of this, ive been obsessing ever since, trying to remmebr what i did and what i felt, but i cant tell whats reallity or not. recently me and my sister were watching iggy pop play the passenger online and she got a weird look on her face like shwe was turned on, i laughed for a second but then got really anxious and shut it off and felt sick. I think i could be a sicko, Im scared of what i might have done but i want to know. Im terrified im going to lose my girl friend because im so screwed up. i feel so sick i might throw up. please respond, thank you.
I was very sexual after I saw the man in the mcdonalds bathroom and I often wonder if i was molested, I even tried to ouch my moms boobs once when i was little.
When I was little my step dad would watch extremely sexual things in front of me and my step sister, once he apparently had a porno on. I'm pretty sure he may have molested y step sister as he acted very strange with her and she was always acting sexually with me at age five, I felt somewhat aroused but also very weird.
I also took a barbie into my room and started kissing it around this time and had my toys kiss girl toys and i practiced kissing on my pillow.
In first grade i had a girl my aage pin me against a wall and say that her parents were having sex which scared me and I ran away thinking she wanted to even though i didnt really know what it was.
i started fearing i as going to get molested around this time, a story I already shared above.
Then in the fith grade i was waiting for someone to take me to school when i heard screaming noises coming from my parents bedroom , I thought my mom was being murdered but when i rushed in i just saw her and my step dad having sex , they didnt even stop , they just smiled and my mom moaned sorry. I ran downstairs and cried but i could still hear them. my step dad finnally came and got me and asked what my problem was.
the next year he bragged about picturing my mom naked and how hot she was which made me sick.
in 7th grade he moved out and in 8th we moved for the 15th time to a condo my grandma as renting us. this is when things got ad. I started getting weird feelings and thoughts around my sister and would have to repeat holding her to check the thoughts. i would have anxiety every time i touched her.
This is when the changing incident happend, I was wiping my sister ad thought her vagina was really gross, i was debating whether or not to wipe it. Then the thought entered my mind that sh might get turned on, and this is where its blurry, did I wipe normal or more slowly, was i anxious or lustful? right now i keep thinking lustful but I really dont know. then she shivered from the cold, but i thought she was turned on and again i dont remember if i was anxious, thought it was funny, or felt lustful.
I got hocd really bad a few months later and once when i had to help my sister change her swim suite i remmebered how i had thought her vagina had been gross and i looked at it to see if it was still gross, i didnt touch it but i feel horrible about this, and it still was gross. I focused on hocd for the next year until i was watching the show i first mentioned and rememebered all of this, ive been obsessing ever since, trying to remmebr what i did and what i felt, but i cant tell whats reallity or not. recently me and my sister were watching iggy pop play the passenger online and she got a weird look on her face like shwe was turned on, i laughed for a second but then got really anxious and shut it off and felt sick. I think i could be a sicko, Im scared of what i might have done but i want to know. Im terrified im going to lose my girl friend because im so screwed up. i feel so sick i might throw up. please respond, thank you.
Hi, yes I have tried medication. The last time I took it was about 2 years ago. I started having some strange side effects so I stopped taking it. I have thought about getting back on something "mild" but the fears of what if the meds make the thoughts worse, or what if the meds make me act in a horrific way and I did something awful....always the what ifs! I obsess about the meds that are supposed to help with obsessing! Dumb I know!!! I haven't suffered the entire past 10 years, it's been a roller coaster with OCD. Sometimes I wouldn't obsess for a couple years and I would think I was "cured" from OCD. This last episode started when I went to Europe in October (without my kids and husband, and was totally out of my comfort zone). I worried about the flight there, trying to sleep and enjoy myself was almost impossible. Anxiety stayed for the entire time I was there, plus missing my kids made it seem worse. After I got back home we moved into a new house the next weekend, so I am not sure if the stress of it all brought on this spike. Either way, it's stuck around and there has been a few other spikes that have hopped on board too. But the molester one seems to be the worst one. It's good to know I am not the only person on this planet with these thoughts. Sometimes I wonder if there's anyone else out there with anxiety as bad as mine. It can feel quite lonely at times. I can only ask my husband and mom so many times if I am a bad person before they start to get irritated and tell me I need to drop it. I guess they are right.
Hi there. Since you know about OCD you also know deep down inside that this is just one more irrational thought. Some thoughts we have are more horrific than others and the more horrific they are, the longer they are going to stay around. The good news is, and I believe you said your therapists said this as well, is that we do not act on our thoughts. They are so horrifying to us that we would never act on them. It is almost like we care too much which is why the person we are afraid of becoming is not the person we truly are.
Are you still in therapy because 10 years is a really long time to be suffering with OCD. I assume you learned cognitive behavioral therapy? Have you ever tried medication?
Are you still in therapy because 10 years is a really long time to be suffering with OCD. I assume you learned cognitive behavioral therapy? Have you ever tried medication?
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