Uggh... Bad day with Beach needle obsession

[meemoll]

Hi Everyone.  Having tough time here.  Yesterday we were at a lake beach and at one point I stepped on something sharp.  It poked my skin, felt like a painful needle like stab.  Like the OCDer I am a started digging around the area to see if I could find a syringe, and of course was not sure if I was looking in the right place at all, which further enhanced my fears.  I did not see an obvious syringe, but there is so much debris on this lake beach, small roots sticking up, dried grasses, pine needles ....whatever.  I am terrified that there was a syringe there, and of course I did not search enough, and now I am going to be infected with HIV.  I am soooooo sick of feeling this way about every trigger.

I also worry that if it was an hiv syringe, and I don't get the PEP medicines withing 72 hours, that I am going to get HIV and die.

How do I let this go?  Sitting with the anxiety is horrible.

Part of me says going through this so frequently is ruining much of my life anyways.  I should just realize that life involves risk and move on.  It is very hard.

I was ritualizing in a big way by checking for the "needle" and digging around in the sand.

Any advice as to how to move on?

[meemoll]

Another thing is my incessant need to be 100 percent sure.  Like I checked the area, digging with a kid shovel (i must have looked crazy!!) and yet feel that I did not look enough.  This must be a ritual, and probably a therapist would have advised against it.  I remember when it first happened I took a very cursory look and that should have been enough, because when I went back to dig, I could not be 100 percent certain I was in the right place.  It is awful how worked up it made me feel.

[meemoll]

I have done ERP therapy for years in the past, but have not done so for the last 3 years or so.  I am on zoloft as well.  I am thinking I need to find a therapist again but there are none close by who specialize in CBT and ERP who take insurance.  But I may just have to spend the money to get well.

[harihari]

First of all you need proper and deep knowledge of hiv transmission and half of your ocd problem  is over and then you should have exposure and response prevention therapy...
also if a syringe would have got injected in your feet at the beach then you would have seen that syringe as it would have gone deep in your feet and you will have to take it out with your hand it wouldn't have come out automatically and disappeared?
and if it was anything else besides syringe it is zero zero risk..
its just ocd our hiv anxiety of ours

[lola099]

It is a very aggravating condition, but we can get past it.

Most people would not think twice about the majority of things that we obsess over and you'd think that would be a big clue that we shouldn't either. But what we should do and what we do do are not always the same.

The things kids do... it's almost therapeutic to watch them play and realize that we did the same thing once and we are ok and they will be as well. Their freedom of mind is liberating and I strive to be like that.

I think that looking around to see what poked you is definately not a problem and that most people would probably do the same. The difference is being able to shrug it off when you don't have your answer.

Are you currently being treated for OCD?

[meemoll]

Thank you for your kind supportive words.  I am hoping I can get to the point that if something like this happens, a quick look around (if I am even supposed to do that) would suffice rather than digging, searching, scanning and then reliving the episode over and over in my mind.

My husband says that if that were to happen to him, he would not think twice about it, wouldn't even look, and would go on having fun and not let it ruin his entire day.  Would that I could be like that!

I too have two young children, six and almost three and the OCD can run rampant with the things they do and my worries about contamination.

What an agrravating condition!

[lola099]

This is not an easy fear to get over, but it definately can be done.

I'd like to let you know that I myself have contamination fears and I can understand and relate to your fears and uncertainties.

I have to know as well. If there is a stain on my clothes I have to know exactly what it is and let's face it, not always so simple, especially with 2 boys who are always dirty as kids are. If I get a scratch I have to know where it came from ,how I got it and what caused it. If there is dirt on my floor at home, again what is it where did it come from. I can relate to your checking the sand looking for what could have possibly stuck your foot. And I can relate to the anxiety that gets higher and higher as the object cannot be found and the mind is allowed to wander. It's almost as if, if you could just find that broken twig in your foot then you could know with certinity that was what picked you, but without that your mind and OCD go wild.

I think the best thing for you to do is to really think about what happened and what the actual risk, if any, is.

You were on a beach in the sand. Many things could have picked your foot. Rocks, branches, shells, sand itself can be sharp, pine needles, grass, it seems much more likely that there are many of these objects on the sand instead of a used syringe.

If you were picked by a syringe, which I think I can say you were not, the chances of it being an HIV infected syringe are probably very low. In addition healthcare workers that have been stuck with an HIV positive syringe and have gotten HIV is 1 in 3000. That is a very low risk. So think about that number and the probabilty that the syringe would have HIV and the probabilty that it was in fact a syringe on the beach, and I think you have a better chance of winning the powerball lottery than you would have of contracting HIV in the situation that you described.

I also know that OCD is a not an easy thing to contend with. You have to try to get these thoughts out of your head. I know it is not easy, do I ever know that it is not easy, but I do know that it can be done.

Take a deep breath and think just for a moment what you actual risk is, when you come to the conclusion that there is no risk, STOP. Do not let your mind go to the "what ifs". Stand strong on your conclusion that are are safe and ok and that you were never at risk.

And remember, we are always here to help.