It really blows my mind to think that our whole picture of reality is painted by our minds, and that our minds can easily be affected by illnesses such as schizophrenia and OCD, indirectly altering our reality. This terrifies me, and is the basis for most of my concerns. You see, I'm quite the paranoid chap. I suffer from self-diagnosed Hypochondria, which first became evident in my early years in school (I was terrified of stomach illnesses). I eventually got over that, but now I've moved on to more serious illnesses. Recently, after much paranoid web-surfing, I have come to the (ridiculous?) conclusion that I have some silent mental illness that is going to blossom into something more serious (due to my age 15, which is apparently a common time for psychosis to rear its head). Now, let my attempt to illustrate to you my issues.
First of all, I thought I had OCD. My reasoning was that I have experienced intrusive thoughts for as long as I remember (violence against loved ones), I obsess over health, and play obsessive games with myself. For example, while I'm in the car, I click my teeth when the car is perpendicular to a driveway (I click on the left side of my mouth or thr right, depending on the side of the road the driveway is). I was happy with that diagnosis (OCD), because I finally felt that I wasn't suffering from some sort of psychosis.
Now, after further browsing, I'm worried I have a personality disorder such as schizophrenia or bipolarism. I think this is delusional, but I can't help thinking it's true. I think I'm schizophrenia because I'm afraid of the dark (I think there are things in the dark that want to get me). I know there's nothing there, but it's just an impulse I have. Also, I'm worried that my hypochondriasis is a symptom of some sort of psychosis...
I need some input... does it seem like I have OCD, or do you think it's something else? If so, then what?
Thanks,
-Dylan