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Religion OCD?

Hi, I'm new here :)
I don't really know how to start this off, but I'm not even sure if this is OCD. Once i get a thought in my head that I don't like, It stays there and doesn't leave me alone. I get many thoughts on things that I don't like. Right now for example is religion.
        I'm born and raised in a Muslim family and as a kid i followed it, with everyone telling me that Islam is the right way. When I turned 14, I began to question a lot of stuff. I started comparing it to science and believed in science more, because it made sense to me, and I had proof. Ever since then I haven't really cared about Islam. I knew once I'm going to turn 18, I can do whatever I want; I want to be able to date, wear whatever I want (not slutty), and live my life freely, and with no religious rules.
         Recently my dad told me that we might move to Dubai in 2 years, and that set me off thinking. I keep having thoughts likes, "what if i start turning towards Islam again?", "what if I end up becoming housewife?", what if this happens or what if that happens. For some reason, my brain likes to create a dead end for me. The scary thing about these thoughts is that , when I say "No, i don't want that" it says that "I will be like that no matter what" or "I will soon end up being like that" or "That i will like it".
           I, in all honesty don't want to be a Muslim, I've had it. I don't want to surround myself with other Muslim girls, who are being super shy and talking about the day they will be married. I don't like the Muslim household "ways". I'm actually very thank full my parents aren't like that, they want me to get a good education, and their not super strict( in the sense of not making me pray 5 times a day, or making me wear a headscarf). But the thing is that if I go to a far away college, they would move with me. I don't want that. I have wore skirts and shorts behind their back with no leggings underneath and even tank tops, I mean is there anything wrong with that? I'm not wearing skimpy clothes. And now when i think of wearing skirts and shorts, I get thoughts, "you shouldn't do that" "it's not right" and i don't like these thoughts. I have seen other Muslim girls wear shorts and skirts and their parents are totally fine with it. I fear that I might turn into a goody-good Muslim, And I DO NOT want that. But my thoughts or my mind counterattacks and says that I Will want that. I'm scared of that.
           I use to obsess over being a hypochondria, Hocd, and pretty much anything that will keep me away from living my OWN life my way. I have been thinking of applying to a university in the UK, but now my thoughts say that i shouldn't, that it wouldn't be worth it. I really want to get out of this religion thing.
              I did go to a therapist for anxiety  but i stopped, because I thought I was okay. I'm thinking of asking my doc for OCD medications but I don't know how to do it. Will there be a test? I don't even know if i have OCD. I took some tests online, and they said that I did, but then again I shouldn't believe that. Would medications actually work?
Thank you.
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1699033 tn?1514113133
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there,...I'm not a doctor so I cannot diagnose you on this forum but it does sound a lot like OCD.  The most important thing is to get the diagnosis of OCD by a psychologist.  From there you can go over the many things that are bothering you, religion in particular at this point, and discuss how best to manage this.  If the psychologist and you decide that medication is something you would like to try, then you need to see a psychiatrist.  They are the best at managing medication for OCD.  You asked if the medications work...for the most part they do.  There is usually a 4-6 week timeframe where your symptoms may be a little bit worse (i.e., more anxiety) but after that the OCD thoughts usually subside.  There is also cognitive behavioral therapy that you can learn which are ways to manage the thoughts and deal with the anxiety they bring on.  So if you do see a psychologist, then look for one that teaches CBT.  

Lastly, your parents don't seem too strict as far as the muslim religion goes.  My brother-in-law is from Turkey and he lives here and while he practices a little of his religion, his kids are not made to do it.  I'm wondering if you talking to your parents about this, whether you might feel better?  Do you have that kind of relationship....talking about your fears of moving to Dubai?  
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Avatar universal
Oh and one more thing, If i find a guy cute and flirt, I get these thoughts  that say " you shouldn't do that, you're a muslim" and i try to fight back with "no" or " i don't care". I really don't want this anymore. I don't want to be a muslim or associate my self with a religion.  These thoughts started as soon as my dad told me about going to Dubai and now there driving me nuts. I want them to stop.
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