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Sensorimotor OCD, does anyone else have it? and help!
hey whats doing im 17 i live in melbourne australia ive had really really bad sensorimotor ocd for more than five years now and its ruined my life. i used to be an A+ student, a national level sprinter and one of the popular kids at school, but the smocd forced me to quit as i just couldnt train anymore, and i now barely pass in school. i love sport so much but i cant play, i cant do anything i dont leave the house much apart from school. ima very out-going sociable person and ive been told im the funniest person alive by people, but the smocd makes me unable to socialise with anyone, i just cant be myself i cant talk or do anything. i just wanna be able to do whatever i want, whenever i want, to the best of my ability without having the smocd affecting me. i now have no true close friends, i feel so alone like no one understands the hell i am going through 24/7.
to describe what my problem is: breathing, as in im always thinking about it and cant stop paying attention to it and doing it, always trying to take a bigger and more complete breath thats feels right otherwise i feel really really uncomfortable; blinking, as in i cant stop thinking about it and i cant stop blinking constantly, like literally every 1 2 seconds; sometimes swallowing; fingers feel uncomfortable so i have to keep cracking them; armpits feel uncomfortable in a shirt; various parts of bosy feel uncomfortable and i need to scratch several times, usually both sides of body, like if one arm then other arm same part too; cant stop sniffling and thinking about it, same with clearing my throat, and lastly this is really hard to explain but i cant stop like tensing without meaning to? like i cant stop putting pressure if you know what i mean? this and the blinking and breathing are the worst, they are there every second of every day its a ******* nightmare.
im in year 12 so i need to study but i cant concentrate and i have no energy, i really need help im so desperate i pray every night, its all ill ever want, my only wish, just for it to go away. i just wanna start and live my life with the smocd gone forever, please help me! im seeing a psychologist but we just talk, we havent done anything to help me really, i want to try erp and cbt and anything that will help! and im on lovan but it doesnt really help that much, i have some good days occasionally, but usually its ****. at school every recess and lunch and even during class i got to the toilets to try to make myself feel right but it doesnt work and the rest of my day is ****, i just keep my head down and go into my shell as it gets so bad i cant socialise with anyone. the longest ive ever gone without the smocd has been five hours about a month ago, but i have been unable to repeat that as yet. im trying really hard to find ways to beat it because im fed up i just wanna live.
i felt really alone when i first googled ocd because it was the closest sounding thing to what i had, but it wasnt the same, i didnt do or feel any of the things that were in the common symptoms. recently i delved deeper to be more specific about my ocd but ive only found the ocd chicago article which is amazing, and everything dr steven seay has written. it feels really good to know im not alone and that others are going through the same **** and understand what im feeling. anyone else going through this **** hit me up ! :) sorry for the huge ******* post my bad yall but this is straight from the heart emotional ****, but i really need help i just wanna be able to do whatever i want, whenever i want, to the best of my ability, and not have the smocd affecting me.
Thank you heaps! I can't remember what its called but I'm going to try something new, the pychiatrist thinks it will work better. Yeah I'll start writing down how I feel, and the pychologist already made me write down my negative thoughts and change them to postive. But yeah once again thanks so much for your concern :)
I'm really glad that you had a nice long talk with your mom and got everything out that you are feeling. I have a son your age and I would hate to think he was suffering and not coming to me for help.
You have a wonderful plan going on. New psychologist who is going to teach you ERP and seeing a psychiatrist to check out about the meds. I'm so happy for you. Don't forget to mention the benzo but I'm not really sure they will prescribe it to somebody your age actually. But it is not going to hurt to bring it up.
Also, you mentioned that writing helps you. Well you could try journaling your thoughts. For example write down the negative thoughts you have and replace them with positive ones.
I can't help you with the tic disorder but I know that they do go hand-in-hand sometimes with OCD.
My very best to you and I'm wishing you only good days ahead.
Take care.
You have a wonderful plan going on. New psychologist who is going to teach you ERP and seeing a psychiatrist to check out about the meds. I'm so happy for you. Don't forget to mention the benzo but I'm not really sure they will prescribe it to somebody your age actually. But it is not going to hurt to bring it up.
Also, you mentioned that writing helps you. Well you could try journaling your thoughts. For example write down the negative thoughts you have and replace them with positive ones.
I can't help you with the tic disorder but I know that they do go hand-in-hand sometimes with OCD.
My very best to you and I'm wishing you only good days ahead.
Take care.
Wow thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond to my story. I am amazed that you care, god bless you.
I didn't go to school today because I stayed up till like 4 talking to mum about everything i feel, and we had a really good heart-to-heart conversation because she always feels like i keep it all inside and dont tell anyone, but just by writing it down here it already made me feel i can explain it much more clearer then eve before.
So i saw a new psychologist today and she was really good, she asked me all these in-depth questions about what i'm feeling. She decided that it may be a combo of cod and a tic disorder because with the blinking, she said it doesnt sound like ocd because although i can be perfectly fine one minute, then the thought comes in that i cant stop blinking and then i cant, theres no compulsion i just cant stop thinking about blinking, and i cant stop blinking like every couple seconds. She said the breathing is OCD but the blinking may not be, she isn't sure yet.
I told her I'd spent my whole weekend reading about sensorimotor ocd and apparently the best way to treat it is with ERP so i asked if we could do that. She told me about how it works and i'm going to try it now. She's also gonna send me all this stuff to read to help, so i'm really excited.
I asked her about my medication, i'm on three Lovans a day, she asked me whether it helps and I wasn't sure. I said I had this really good day a couple of weeks ago where before I went to bed I got myself mentally all ready like 'my life starts tomorow, the obsessions wont affect me anymore' and for five hours they didnt, which is the longest ever. Then another day my blinking was really bad, and i couldnt even look at anyone it was so bad so i had a free period and i studied in the library, as i had a test later on. I didnt look up i just completely focused on studying, and I stayed there all through lunch time and i finally got up after like 2 hours to go to my next class, and the blinking wasn't there anymore! the breathing obsession came instead but it was the first time ever I'd been having a bad day and it had improved, so I was really encouraged. A similar thing happened recently with the breathing, It had been really bad all day then it got better randomly.
But I've also had some really bad days recently, so I don't know if the meds help or not. I was on two for awhile, since this year i moved up to three. So I don't know whether it actually helps or its just a placebo, but either way I feel more confident and 'safe' with it. I'm seeing a psychiatrist tomorow to talk about changing medication. I'm done with this ****, I'm gonna beat it now. Sorry again for the massive post, you dont have to read it I'm just spilling my guts out, but yeah I just wanna start my life! and once again thank you so much for listening, I just wanna hug you haha :)
I didn't go to school today because I stayed up till like 4 talking to mum about everything i feel, and we had a really good heart-to-heart conversation because she always feels like i keep it all inside and dont tell anyone, but just by writing it down here it already made me feel i can explain it much more clearer then eve before.
So i saw a new psychologist today and she was really good, she asked me all these in-depth questions about what i'm feeling. She decided that it may be a combo of cod and a tic disorder because with the blinking, she said it doesnt sound like ocd because although i can be perfectly fine one minute, then the thought comes in that i cant stop blinking and then i cant, theres no compulsion i just cant stop thinking about blinking, and i cant stop blinking like every couple seconds. She said the breathing is OCD but the blinking may not be, she isn't sure yet.
I told her I'd spent my whole weekend reading about sensorimotor ocd and apparently the best way to treat it is with ERP so i asked if we could do that. She told me about how it works and i'm going to try it now. She's also gonna send me all this stuff to read to help, so i'm really excited.
I asked her about my medication, i'm on three Lovans a day, she asked me whether it helps and I wasn't sure. I said I had this really good day a couple of weeks ago where before I went to bed I got myself mentally all ready like 'my life starts tomorow, the obsessions wont affect me anymore' and for five hours they didnt, which is the longest ever. Then another day my blinking was really bad, and i couldnt even look at anyone it was so bad so i had a free period and i studied in the library, as i had a test later on. I didnt look up i just completely focused on studying, and I stayed there all through lunch time and i finally got up after like 2 hours to go to my next class, and the blinking wasn't there anymore! the breathing obsession came instead but it was the first time ever I'd been having a bad day and it had improved, so I was really encouraged. A similar thing happened recently with the breathing, It had been really bad all day then it got better randomly.
But I've also had some really bad days recently, so I don't know if the meds help or not. I was on two for awhile, since this year i moved up to three. So I don't know whether it actually helps or its just a placebo, but either way I feel more confident and 'safe' with it. I'm seeing a psychiatrist tomorow to talk about changing medication. I'm done with this ****, I'm gonna beat it now. Sorry again for the massive post, you dont have to read it I'm just spilling my guts out, but yeah I just wanna start my life! and once again thank you so much for listening, I just wanna hug you haha :)
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I was really sad reading your post. Your OCD has made you do a complete 180 in your life and really who could blame you for being really, really upset.
So I do have a couple of question for you. You said you are seeing a psychologist but that it is only talk therapy. Well talk therapy can be helpful but from my own experience CBT is the best therapy for somebody with OCD. If your psychologist doesn't teach CBT, then you really should find somebody that does. It is a critical component in my mind in the fight against OCD and it is something that I learned years ago and still rely on to this day.
You said you are taking Lovan which in the US is Prozac. I took that a long time ago. What dose are you on and how long have you been taking it? I am going to go on the assumption that you are not seeing a psychiatrist for the medication. Some general doctors are pretty good with OCD and others not so much. So my suggestion would be to find a psychiatrist as well who can manage your medication. If it is not working then it either isn't the correct medication for you or you are on the wrong dose. For myself, it helped in the beginning to take a benzodiazepine to take the edge off. Once my medication built up to an effective level in my system, I didn't need to take the benzo during the day anymore. I don't know what they are called in Australia but in the US they are Xanax and Klonopin. So this is something you should really talk to the psychiatrist about as to whether he/she thinks it could help you in the short-term. Klonopin is one that people take on a more longer-term basis.
OCD is awful no matter what kind you have. However, I am proof that you can get better in that I do take medication and I practice CBT and I live a very normal life. I just think at the moment you are not getting the right kind of help that you need to live your life normally.
A book that a lot of people use is called The OCD Workbook: Your Guide to Breaking Free from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. It has a rating of 5 stars and so you may think about getting this book.
I know it is hard but you have to think positive. You know what you are doing isn't working so you need to make some life changes.
Psychologist that teaches CBT
Psyciatrist who can better manage your medication and is I'm sure much more familiar with what is out there and what dose you need to be at. And also talk to him/her about possibly adding either Xanax or Klonopin to your medication regimen in the short run to give you some relief.
Try to remember that you were not always like this. You lived a very normal and happy life. OCD doesn't have to take somebody, turn them around 180 and they never recover from it. People learn to live with OCD very well and your willingness to take medication makes it, in my opinion, that much easier. I fall back on past positive experiences all the time.
Get the The OCD Workbook: Your Guide to Breaking Free from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
Please keep me informed as to your progress. Remember only you can make yourself better by taking the appropriate steps to get well. You have a good start but it just isn't enough right now. Talk to your parents, and get the right doctors involved so that you can get better, pass high school and go on to college and live a very successful life.
Keep in touch. I want to know about your positive progress!