doubting my drunken memory-OCD?

[cnfused123]

Hi,
Please help
I have been suffering from OCD and anxiety for a few years and for the last year I have been battling with OCD about HIV. I think I have had more than 10 HIV tests in the last year.
These set of incidences happened when I was in a new city and anxiety and lonliness was getting the better of me.
I registered myself on this dating website and met a lot of guys and spend a lot of time with 4 guys individually. Now four of these guys were really nice and never forced me into doing anything. there were drunken nights which included a lot of kissing and frottage but never any kind of penetration.
I have got over my lonliness and realized what I did was wrong.

Out of the blue I am having another anxiety where I am doubting what if I had blackouts where I didn't remember anything and ended up having unprotected sex?  what is I was so drunk that I forgot an entire episode of having sex? This takes me to my anxiety of HIV.  even though I do remember each of the incidents that I had with each of the guys somehow I am doubting myself and the guilt makes me feel I might have HIV

Please help

[JGF25]

It is more than likely the guilt that is fueling this more so than anything else.  Guilt and doubt are big parts of OCD.  Did you read the article?

[cnfused123]

I agree to what you have said.
My intellectual mind tells me I didn't do anything that can put me at risk and I remember everything but my OCD mind tells me, surely something must have happened with one of these guys? How can a gal be alone with 4 guys individually and not done anything that can put her at risk. surely I did something that puts me at risk.

I am not a person who gets random guys off of a dating website to her hotel room, I am very cautious but because I got really anxious and lonely, I did this and now I am feeling so guilty. Its like I betrayed myself and my God  by acting promiscuous and God is going to punish my giving me HIV

[JGF25]

Hi there.  So you said you have been battling this HIV anxiety for a few years.  Have you ever sought treatment for it from a psychologist?  A key part of treating OCD is not giving into the thoughts.  Doubt is a big part of OCD and so you need to self-coach yourself through the doubt part.  You do remember and so you need to remind yourself of that with statements of fact that override your fictional mind.  Also, you performing unnecessary HIV testing is also going to keep you in the OCD loop.  At some point you need to say enough.  I know that is easier said that done but you can get there with the right help.  Cognitive behavioral therapy is a powerful tool to have to combat OCD irrational thinking.  CBT is taught by psychologists.  

Here is a good article about OCD in general

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=ten%20things%20fred%20penzel

[cnfused123]

Nobody has helped me out yet :(

[cnfused123]

Please help