I have 2 teenage daughters (14 and 17). Their mom and I have a shared week by week parenting arrangement in place for our daughters. We have the usual challenges facing most parents of teenage daughters and often lock claws in many issues.
However I am uncertain as to how to handle this particular situation that recently happened. My oldest daughter has been going through some emotional issues lately and has always had difficulty sleeping. She doesn't do drugs and is not involved with a boyfriend.
Like many teens, she is into music. She has a favorite band that she followed religiously for quite some time. We live in Canada. She found out that this band was having a concert in NY and her mom agreed to pay for her ticket and take her and her younger sister to see this band.
My 17 year old spend hours waiting for the ticket sale to open online and was finally able to get tickets for the concert. She was obviously elated that she would finally able to go see this band. That was four months ago and that was all she talked about.
Several weeks back her Mon lost her job and informed them that she could not afford to buy the airline tickets to go to NY. They were obviously very disappointed, especially my 17 year old.
A few weeks went by and I received a call from the mom who was historical because of a confrontation with our oldest daughter. It started when the mom was attempting to get my daughter up because she wanted to go some place. When my daughter refused to respond appropriate (long story short) it escalated into mom pouring a jug of cold water over her and physically dragging her by the throat out of bed. In her call to me she (mom) demanded that I come pick up my 17 year old because if I didn't she was going to call the cops and social services and have her removed from her house. She said that she didn't want anything else to do with her.
Several days later she was using her sisters phone (her mom took hers) and found out that her mom was taking her younger sister to NY and to not tell anyone. I talked to my youngest daughter who was tormented by all of this and would have preferred to be going with her sister because she was the the reason they were going in the first place..
I suspect that the mom got the money from her rich boyfriend to buy the airline tickets (that's story for another day).
I pleaded with the mom to reconsider this decision because any hope of reconciling the conflict with my 17 year old would that much more difficult if she went ahead with this. Her response, in a nutshell and leaving out the profanity and abusive tone toward me, was simply she didn't care. I even stated that she could not take our youngest daughter out of the country without a letter from me and that I would not sign this letter if she didn't reconsider. Her response: "Go f*&^ing ahead, do what you gotta do!"
It's one thing to take away a cell phone or ground a teens for a short period of time but, to do this to her daughter, in my mind, is verging on cruelty and mental abuse. My 17 year old cried to break her heart when she found out and has withdrawn into a shell over this. I am also concerned about the affect it will have on her relationship with her sister after this.
I am considering contacting the airport authorities (boarder patrol) to prevent her from taking my youngest daughter out of the country because she doesn't have permission to do so but, am concerned about the affect it will have on my youngest daughter. In my mind, NY will always be there. She (mom) has to realize that she cannot do this to her children and the close relationship they had.
Personally I'd like to report her to child services and have her arrested for child abuse but, that wouldn't solve anything at this point and it's my own anger coming out...sorry.
They are suppose to be leaving in a couple of days. I am torn as to what to do here. Stop the trip (if I can) or let the aftermath cards fall as they may afterwards.
Appreciate any help and thanks!
PS: I could go into more detail here but, wanted to simply highlight for simplicity.
