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Is this normal behavior for a two year old?

Hello-My husband and I have a two year old daughter who  is very difficult to manage.  I know it is normal for a child to be defiant at tis age, but our daughter will rarely follow any simple command-it is a big deal if she says "please" when asked or comes when called.  She screams at the park, the mall and basically everywhere in public.  However, her speech is very advanced and she says, "wonderful" when asked how her bath was.  She knows almost all of her alphabet on sight-out of sequence,  So, how does thiis logic not translate into acceptable toddler behavior-tantrums once a day rather than all day?  Please any help is appreciated.  We are older parents-had her at 39 and am a first time mommy.  I love her so much but am at wits end-she wont hold hands, brush teeth, follow simple directions-and I KNOW she understands-she laughs and gets a gleam in her eye when she disboeys.
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162331 tn?1390018667
I agree with the last post.  Kids are quick to know how to manipulate.  I also have a testy 2 1/2 year old.  We use a chair and timeout as punishment.  If he doesn't do what he is told then he has a choice...do it or sit time out.  2 minutes for 2 year old, 3 min. for 3 year old, 4 min. for 4 year old and so on.  He will even test me and say he will sit in this chair or that one but not the one I chose.  Don't allow this. Right now at this age they are trying to see how far boundaries can be push and just what all they can get away with.  When good behavior happens...Praise a lot.  Don't award bad behavior by giving into demands,  because it will get worse.  Likewise...many times the kids with very high IQ's end up being very difficult because they get bored easily or can figure out things quickly.  Just this morning my little one said, it's a beautiful day!  How many little ones say such things.  He counts and know some of his alphabet too.   It takes a lot more stimulation for kids like this and they are a lot of hard work in the beginning.
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1258755 tn?1269707495
Sounds like you are a handful! Yes it's normal. But you need to nip it in the butt now before it gets out of control ( sounds like it is )! Just because she is very smart doesn't have anything to do with there behavior necessarily. The smartest of kids are usually the ones who test parents the most!! So you need to be consistent, firm and fair. If she screams at the park, then you give her a choice 'would you like to stop screaming, or go home?' and then if she doesn't answer or doesn't stop screaming then you say that your making the choice and that your going home and pick her up and leave immediately. Same thing goes when your in public. Holding hands is a must for crossing the street or in a parking lot. You need to just TAKE HER hand and DO NOT give her a choice on this one, I don't care if you have to drag her!! Which then could start a huge tantrum and then you would have to leave the store. yes i know its frustrating but it will pay off. You must follow through with what you say. You can't one day leave the park when she screams and then the next day give her 10 more minutes of play at the park while screaming. When she does good behavior and brushes her teeth then give her a sticker, so I suggest starting a sticker chart. Lots of praise for good behavior. And when she is screaming in the house then don't yell at her just give her a choice to stop screaming or go to her room where she can scream ( because we can't literally make them stop screaming ). good luck
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