Aa
6 going on 16
My six year old daughter, the love of my life, the center of my universe, is driving me insane. Her father and I split up over two years ago. He being the loser that he is just moved out of his mommy's house. While we share custody, the majority of her care while she's supposed to be with her father is by her grandmother. She said daddy "works a lot." I know that's crap, he's really just out partying.
So when she's with me, she's upset and misses daddy. She gets mad at me for "taking" her away from him. I tell her that it's ok to miss Daddy, I never talk bad about him, or his evil overbearing, coddling parents. It's extremely frustrating, she has limits and boundaries at our house, zero on the other side. Everything is done for her and she always gets her way when she's with them. So when I enforce rules, or don't let her get her way she starts with "I miss Daddy." She tells me she like being with him better. She goes out of her way to disagree and argue with everything I say, do, like, EVERYTHING. If I like it, she hates it. But that's not even it......it's that he's never even there when he's supposed to be, that's why she misses him so much. I can't talk to him about it, he never sees the issue with anything. I'm wondering if anyone else has gone through this. Is this normal? Is it her age? All I can do is love her, but it's like she doesn't even want me to be her mom. My heart breaks everyday over this.
So when she's with me, she's upset and misses daddy. She gets mad at me for "taking" her away from him. I tell her that it's ok to miss Daddy, I never talk bad about him, or his evil overbearing, coddling parents. It's extremely frustrating, she has limits and boundaries at our house, zero on the other side. Everything is done for her and she always gets her way when she's with them. So when I enforce rules, or don't let her get her way she starts with "I miss Daddy." She tells me she like being with him better. She goes out of her way to disagree and argue with everything I say, do, like, EVERYTHING. If I like it, she hates it. But that's not even it......it's that he's never even there when he's supposed to be, that's why she misses him so much. I can't talk to him about it, he never sees the issue with anything. I'm wondering if anyone else has gone through this. Is this normal? Is it her age? All I can do is love her, but it's like she doesn't even want me to be her mom. My heart breaks everyday over this.
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Thank you so much Annie for your insight. I failed to mention in my first post that I do have a boyfriend who is a very positive influence in her life. He is the model example of a responsible adult. He spends time with her, teaches her to ride her bike, swim, etc., but it always comes down to "Daddy's going to show me" so she's forever resistant to trying anything new. It's almost as if she feels guilty. It was actually his advice that I post to a forum to gain some insight, he is at a loss as well. The whole time she spends with me, she can't wait to see Daddy again. For example, he's taking her to the Indians/Red Sox baseball game tomorrow when he picks her up, so all week instead of enjoying her time here, she's counting down the days for her Dad to come and get her. I tell her everything I do is for her, because I love her. I just graduated nursing school, I tell her it's because I want her to have a bright future and opportunities. (I also left my ex-husband for my daughter's future as well, but I could never tell her that.)
I know the terrible pattern you spoke of all too well, that was me. That's why I'm trying to desperately break this cyclical weekly emotional roller coaster between her and I. She sees me as the bad guy who takes her from her Daddy every Sunday, and she actually is pissed off everytime I pick her up.
I'm going to try and speak with her school psychologist. Thank you again Annie.
I know the terrible pattern you spoke of all too well, that was me. That's why I'm trying to desperately break this cyclical weekly emotional roller coaster between her and I. She sees me as the bad guy who takes her from her Daddy every Sunday, and she actually is pissed off everytime I pick her up.
I'm going to try and speak with her school psychologist. Thank you again Annie.
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I would ask the counselor how much you can say about the dad with the idea of putting his behavior into some kind of perspective for her. She should be told by SOMEONE that it is not her, it is him, and that she deserves better, or otherwise she is going to imprint on the yearning-for-emotionally-absent-guy pattern and repeat it as a teenager, and through her life. And it is an icky pattern. She should understand she deserves better.