9 Year old, is this normal ?

[eekladki]

Hi, I have a loving caring 9 year old, he is my first born and i just had twins who are 4 months old. He is great in his studies.  he goes to his regular Gifted and Talented classes, but he is over weight, but my question is that he seems to be always angry when ever i talk to him. when i said  good morning to him yesterday he got angry, he just seems angry all the time, he doesn't throw tantrums but i just want him to be happy, i ask him he tells me that we always yelling at him. we don't all the time but when he doesn't listen we do like i have to repeat myself atleast 6 times befor he will even move or do what i want him to do.

is this normal behavior how do i have him listen to me quickly and do whatever that needs to be done, when he is nice he is a great loving kid but i don't know where his anger bursts come from.

[Tayzoe]

coming from someone who battled a weight problem when I was a child It probably has more to do with the weight/self esteem issue more than any other. You built him up to sound like a lovely boy with his gifted classes and things then add BUT he has a weight problem. I don't think that parents realize how damaging some comments can be" Your not going to eat that are You?" or " Do you really need that??" We don't walk around saying those things to adults. Chances are if you notice your child has a weight problem then he notices too. If you have ever battled weight as an adult you know how frusterating it is, how much will power and self control it takes. Imagine being 9 and not having the will power, the tools, the resources or the maturity needed to make that decision. I'm willing to bet he is teased about it at school as well, lets face it kids can be terribly cruel. He is probably angry and rude with you because of his frusteration. My mother used to make little comments to me as a child because of my weight and as much as she believed they were constructive critism they were so hurtful and they were very damaging. I was a full blown bullemic at 15 started into drugs at 16 and was on a downward spiral. I was angry at everyone because I disliked my self so much I thought I was Fat and completley unlovable. I mean if you can't love yourself is it so far fetched to believe nobody else could love you??? My mother and I attended counselling and she learned how to look beyond my weight and see the things that I was great at and the traits that she couldn't help but love. Once the weight issue was out of the way I learned to love myself, But only when I felt my mother loved me for the right reasons. I'm not stating you don't love your child, put less emphasis on the weight issue and compliment him for being brilliant and kind. The more we hate ourselves the more we eat the bigger we get its an ugly cycle. When our 2nd daughter was born who was colicky we would set the timer for one hour everynight, my husband would take the baby and I would spend that hour uninterrupted with my older daughter just doing whatever she wanted to do. Spend an uninterrupted hour with him. He might just open up to you, Good Luck too you :D

[loriegurl]

my 9 yr old is the exact same way...but we have no twins. he is an only child and he is very sweet,loving and kind but occasionally has these anger issues and he is overweight. when i ask him about it he says it is because i yell at him. i dont , well, not unless i have told him something over and over and then I have to yell to get his attention. i think that is just an excuse with him. i assume this is normal......
he also gets angry if he doesnt get his way. but I try to tell him that he dont get everything he wants, thats life

[Mother of bailey]

My now 11yrold was kinda like that when he was that age, I think it is the age were what thay are doning thay think is more important then what we are saying, or what we want them to do, My son is totally fine now, but for about a year we had to fight with him about his attitude and his anger when we talked  to him..

[mtgoat911]

maybe he is depressed over sharing mom with twins, depression can cause obesity and anger
we use a behavior chart for my kids, it doesnt take that long, i use a sheet of paper, i do not have time to make an elaborate nanny 911 chart each week, every night i get in the bed with my youngest while my oldest is in the bath, we go over their behavior chart, we ususally have 5 questions on the chart, for example, were you nice to your brother?, how was your behavior?, did you feel loved today?, and then we have a few specific questions which change each week, at one time i was having a tough time in the car with the kids fighting and taking off their seatbelts, so i put on the chart, did you practice safety in the car, after a week or two of answering that question their car behavior changed.
you may ask on your sons chart, was i angry today?why
its a simple way of maintaining wanted behavior, while adressing the need to change
my children also get jealous of each other, so we have to spend one on one time with them, you may want to get a sitter this saturaday and take your son to a movie or skating, just the 2 of you
congradulations on the twins, i am sure balance will come with time,

[margypops]

Maybe it is overkill, when he is busy and you interupt him and he doesnt respond how you want him to, perhaps he is okay and happy but you want to see more,, take a step back and see if he responds .