Help!!!

[confusedmother]

My 7 year old daughter has recently started having bowel movements in her pants.  She says that she knows she has to go to the bathroom and that she could make it to the bathroom in time, she just doesn't do it.  She isn't sure why she poops her pants purposely.  She hides her underwear after she soils them, so she knows she is doing something wrong.  I have found six pairs of poopy underwear in the last week and a few pairs that she had peed in.  I also caught her peeing in the garbage can.  Her dad is in Iraq but has been gone for almost 7 months and this is something that just started.  Also, her real mom (I'm her stepmom of 2 years) is in jail.  I thought maybe this had something to do with it.  Please help!!!!  I am lost at what to do.

[Carolina2806]

She may feel a loss of control in her life because both of her biological parents are not available to her right now. Sometimes we manifest sadness in our bodies. You know her best--talk to her and see if you can help her by growing closer. I'm not sure about a counselor because that migh overwhelm her--just give her time. She may be hiding her underwear because she is ashamed/or fearful of your reaction. She might actually tell you that she is doing it on purpose when she is not--
My six year old had an accident at school and was embarrassed about it very much--
She didn't want to use the potty because it looked nasty; she said her urine was cleaner than the potty was.
She was still embarrassed by not being able to hold it.
She has never had an accident at school so it was a first.
Good luck.

[raindelay]

First of all, thanks to her Dad for his service and commitment.  We're asking so much of our soldiers these days it's a miracle that they can retain their families.  And thanks to you for supporting a soldier in these troubled times.

She could be reacting to your family situation and not having her dad around.  She probably is anxious.  She also may be doing it to get attention even though she's trying to conceal it.

How is school going for her?  Does she ever do it at school or at a play date?  If not then she probably has more control over it than you think.  If she's having accidents in school there might something else going on.

Also, how is her diet?  Sometimes kids will develop bad digestive patterns because they may have allergies and other food issues.  Is she eating too much junk or too much fruit?

Unless you see a true medical issue going on then you're probably best not to feed into the situation.  What you feed grows and if she's doing it out of subconscious anger at her father, biological mother, you or some other situation you may just amplify the behavior.

Good luck.

[nyychic]

Honestly I can't say that I have had experience like this with my children however, a friend of mine has the same issue with her son and the reason according to dr.'s anxiety.  Sounds like this may be the case she has lost her biological mom (you are raising her making YOU the REAL mom in the sense that you are REALLY there, you handle all the issues and you have all the fun I'm a stickler for the whole who's biological.  It doesn't really matter.)  I'm sorry anyway she is probly scared that she is going to lose her daddy too.  How is your relationship with her?  Are you two close.  Do you have a good mother daughter relationship?  Is she afraid that voicing her fears of losing her dad (if that is even what it is) will a) make it real and b) upset you as well?  I would def get her to the doctor so that they can refer her to a child psychologist/psychiatrist it may be something that given the chance to talk to an open (or maybe detached is a better word) person will help her out.  I wouldn't really go through the school as this may be cleared up and then be an embarassment to her also if the counselor at school discusses it with a teacher and a child overhears this it can be used a source of humiliation for the rest of her school life and cause real damage.  I would keep them out of this for now.  It's got to be hard enough on her and isolating enough for her being in school with kids who have their daddy to go home to.  Good luck and thank your husband for those of us here agree/disagree with this war our soldiers are there doing there job every single day and I am one girl who appreciates their service.