I need help with my 11 year old boy

[safo]

Hello,

I have a son who’s 11 years old, he’s my only child and I love him more than anything in this world. Few months ago, we moved from the US to Scotland and he transferred to a very good private school. I was worried that the move will affect him, as we moved in the middle of the year but it was very smooth and by the first week, he already made some best friends, even the teacher was amazed to how quickly he adjusted. He is a very good boy but the last couple of years have been quite difficult, I understand he’s growing up but he gets upset easily, don’t listen, no chores, argues all the time and doesn’t show interest in anything. We tried guitar lessons, karate, gymnastic, Tennis,…when it’s just the beginning and it’s fun, he likes it, as soon as it gets serious and there are some rules and discipline involved, he loses interest and thinks it’s boring. At school, the teachers say he’s smart but because he talks so much and he’s always trying to make people laugh he doesn’t focus and this has started affecting his work. Also he’s very sensitive to what others think of him, whatever comment they make about him, it affects him and he tries to change the way he dresses or the way he looks just to please them and whatever I tell him to convince him to accept himself the way he is (by the way, he’s very handsome) he just thinks that I don’t understand him or that I was never a teenager. We do communicate very well and we talk all the time but he just doesn’t listen, everything is hard with him: I struggle through homework, bed time, movies and games that he’s allowed to play/watch. We argue so much and I don’t think it’s healthy. One more thing that’s bothering me is that he has always been very committed to things that he likes for example right now it’s the lord of the rings and he’s obsessed with it, he watches it all the time, impossible to make him stop, he’s talking all the time about it and he wants to start archery and bow-hunting, he even made one at home, he’s playing with Swiss-army knives…. With all the violence around us and the horrible things that we hear, I am just scared…I hope I painted a good picture; I just want to know if this behavior is normal or if I should worry. Thanks

[Faitmaker]

Speaking as a 38 year-old male, it sounds to me like he's an 11-year old boy.  Archery and bow-hunting are excellent things for a boy to learn at his age.  I still love to bow hunt and have my own archery range in my basement!  Boys like knives.  We like things that "can" cause destruction.  It doesn't mean he wants to be destructive.  If he can be responsible with his bow and knives, I say help him learn safely.

[kgm59]

Please don't worry.  He's emotional-it's puberty.  He's fascinated with Lord of the Rings-so are millions -watch it with him.  If he's interested in archery-help him pursue it-it may be his destiny - relax and celebrate your child.