Nine year old boy- major tantrums, minor issues.

[macangie78]

Hi there,

First thing first...I need help!!!  I have two children, and from time to time both seem to have temper tantrums.  Lately, my normally quiet natured, excellent student, nine yr old boy is having major melt downs.  From playing rough with his dad and being told the game is over (after he gets a bit too rough) to being told he won't be allowed to watch any TV due to his behavior.  Crying and laying on the floor to kicking and screaming, we are at the end of our rope trying to take things away from him as form of punishment.  This usually only escalates the situation.  When he refused to do his homework, I explained that I'd have to write a note to his teacher, explaining why homework was not complete, and the tantrum began.  After a few hours of crying, screaming and moving furniture in front of his bedroom door, he finally calmed down and apologized.  

It seems to be happening more and more frequently and other than explaining that I love him no matter what, but that this is not acceptable, I don't have a clue as to where to begin to deal with this.  Today, due to his behavior, I kept him home from school, which only escalated once again.  This behavior doesn't exist at school, he's very respectful and appreciative of school and friends and his teachers. How do I get through to him that this behavior isn't appropriate for home, or any other place either?

Thanks,
Angie

[margypops]

sounds like he gets mixed messages ..rough behavior with Dad then being told to stop it ..and getting punished ..

[mooksmom]

Tantrums that you describe, at age nine, need checking into. Soon, he will be hit with testosterone (pre-puberty, puberty) and all HECK is gonna rain on his emotions...and yours. If he was mine, I'd be getting some kind of help, even IF he is controlling himself at school. Down the road (in college or at a job) I bet he will thank you.

[RockRose]

Since he is keeping it together so well at school,  I'm inclined to give him a complete pass to have tantrums at home temporarily.  

Who knows what's happening in his life - he could be having serious peer interaction issues,  or some kind of other fear or anxiety -

Again,  I would give him a pass at home if he is still doing very well in school, and DON'T  keep him home from school due to misbehavior at home.  

[margypops]

If he is playing a lot of rough housing games this can also manifest itself in emotional stress and aggression. ask Dad to cool it and play board games instead .

[mooksmom]

I can tell youy this, from experience...EVERY single time my son acted out or did some kind of behavior from his normal wonderful kid self, something was going on in our home. I was in college, I had a horrible boss tormenting me and he heard phone conversations with my sister regarding, divorce, financial problems, health problems (I feel off the bed and broke BOTH my leg and arm and had titanium in both.
I happened to journal for 15 yrs from the day my son was born. When I look back at undesirable report cards (from an all honors student) or read things he did for a period of acting out....EVERY ONE OF THEM was when there was even a brief amount of extra stress in our lives. Kids don't miss a thing.
Hope this helps.