Step parenting problems

[galahol]

I am the step-parent of a 8 year-old boy. His mother is the domiciliary parent, but my husband and I have him over 3-4 times a week. The problem is that he is very good at manipulating his mother. He will argue with her and make "deals" with her only to later say there was no deal at all. Then she will cave in and compromise her position further. It has gotten to the point where he lies often to get out of doing things, i.e. I washed my hair already. He is always pushing to get his way, the problem is that he pushes harder than her. It has resulted in things like staying up all night watching tv, eating lots of sugary snacks and leaving the trash on the floor, and lying on the couch while demanding food or drink. He does not do this at our house because we do not allow it. However, I am concerned, especially with his habitual lying. He has stopped lying to us as far as I can tell because he has learned it will get him nowhere. However, he has learned that it works with his mom. His mom means well, but she does not know she is being manipulated and negotiates with him like he is an adult. What is there for me to do? My husband has already tried to change her behaviors and it did not work. We can tell the child that lying to his mom is wrong, but he will probably continue as long as it gets him good results.  I feel helpless to change his bad behavior.

[margypops]

Yes good idea , I also agree that is the best thing you can do take a step back ,let the dice fall where they may, let his Mom do all the disciplining.

[RockRose]

I liked your line that you had washed your hair of this.  Actually,  though,  do it.  Wash your hair of this.

It's pretty normal for step mothers not to like or approve of their husband's ex-wives,  their children and their parenting style.