Sunday School Terror?

[Lisapotter64]

I guess I'm not "parenting" this child, I am his Sunday school teacher.  He is 6 years old and a very sweet boy.  Obviously I can not take away parental responsibility or the families way of dealing with issues.  The child has come in crying because he has to go to an orphanage because he can not behave.  I try hard to reenforce the positive (there is little) however there is some.  It does seem to work for immediate correction, long term is difficult.  The other children say he is "bad" etc.  I always respond he isn't bad though sometimes his behaviors make us unhappy.  The parent continually "allows" the child to bring things to class that are disruptive, ie. toys gum etc.  I show this child in 45 minutes love, acceptance yet correct unacceptable behaviors.  He responds favorably most of the time but the times he can not seem to control himself it is a huge concern.  I am always reenforcing the positive but the negative still is "staring" the group in the face.  This 6 year old is "in control" at home how do you broach the subject with parents in a church setting without offending?  The parents state he is "just" a difficult child.

Lisa  

[margypops]

Yes there are many parents out there that are wonderful I would say most of them are but certainly there are a lot that would benefit from better parenting ,in this case I still believe that seeking some counselling would be a good thing.  You have seen this and may be able to help this child,then its up to the parents.

[babygirl6152]

you flat out say "he is not mentally ill" and there are no DIFFICULT children

???
It's late and I would cut you some slack but you and others here tend to usually have a pat answer of blaming the parents and victimizing the child


Are you realllllyyyyy saying that a child can NOT be mentally ill?

and that a child can NOT be difficult? Are you in a bubble somewhere where only children are wonderful if and only if their parents are wonderful parents?
You use that mantra too often that folks need parenting skills. There are wonderful parents out there with their arms outstretched to their children and their children still turn away- (after spitting in the parent's face)

I know a wonderful couple that adopted a little girl and would wake up in the night with the child standing over their bed with a knife- their other adopted child was well behaved self disciplined and never hurt a fly. They parents loved them both and got the girl help!!!! She is now FINE---- she was mentally ill---

Some children with wonderful parents kill their siblings- some eat their feces, some torture animals and their parents blame themselves but can think of nothing that they could have done different- My parents are some of them. My brother was IN CHURCH when he asked my mother to be dismissed to go to the restroom at age 7- she let him go- he was found 30 minutes later in the church parking lot going thru someone's car. By age 13, he finally was in for a psych evaluation and stole a car off the hospital parking lot----in the middle of the night- and drove home 4 hours away- age 13!!!! He murdered someone at age 30, and my parents were still wondering where they went wrong and how they could blame themselves-----These same parents of mine reared 3 other healthy, loving children. But in your view- my parents needed better parenting skills?
There is not always an easy pat answer- yes some people are lacking in that department.... but not all- you seem to have a blanket response to anyone that a child behavior issue is due to poor parenting.

[margypops]

Reading the thread I would say there is a sad lack of parenting skillds and child/parent interaction, it is good of the person writing the thread to be concerned and I would suggest that they speak to the parents , he is not mentally ill, if the parents allow him to bring inappropiate toys to school, you can address that and not permit it,no child is simply "difficult" thats a cop out, it is they who need the Parenting skills, ask them to seek some counseling with him.

[babygirl6152]

Maybe it is not even true? Do the parents say he is leaving?or just the little boy--


jdtm is right- and if there are siblings the parents may be trying to protect them... maybe the parents are even in danger-

the thing about him bringing objects to Sunday School that are forbidden tells me
he is so hard to deal with that they are truly fighting the big battles-

if you can imagine the time right before Sunday School- the screaming, etc- "Just let him bring it" most devoted parents know a way to get around a child's tantrums that I can only imagine that he is having over a little toy.

So you can assume the wosrt - that parents are not parenting well, or you can assume they are doing their best and pray this child will get some proper help-

Your third option is a bit more intrusive and may be considered meddlesome, but you can flat out offer your services as "spiritual advisor" and ask them if you can drop by at home  and have a chat- you will get to see home life, etc and put your mind at ease----

[jdtm]

If this child "has to go to an orphanage because he cannot behave", then I think there is more to the story than what is here.  It is not unusual for children with severe mental health issues to be placed in a residential unit for a period of time, usually with very specialized treatment.  Many times, this is the only option left and the life of the child might depend on this.  My guess is that this child is severely mentally ill.