Dangers of hot yoga (Bikram)

[Moonflower09]

Please help.  I recently found out I'm 5 weeks pregnant.  I have been practising Bikram yoga for 2 years and never dreamed that if I was to become pregnant, it would be dangerous for the baby.  I went to my doc today and she explained to me the dangers of excessive heat and birth defects. I had NEVER heard of this until now. Believe me, I will not walk back into that room until the birth of this child, but could the damage already be done!?! I can not get a straight answer anywhere and now I'm very worried.  I thought I was doing something good for my body.  I love the yoga and most days it doesn't even seem hot.  I'm very athletic with a low blood pressure of 114/60.  I also have a low BPM that averages around 58-60.  Prior to Bikram yoga, I had ran two full marathons and two half marathons. I switched to bikram yoga two years ago because of the back problems the excessive running was doing which the hot yoga has greatly helped allivate.  I love to sweat and work out hard, but never wanted to do anything that could damage my child.  I knew all the basics, no drinking, watch prescription medications, no smoking, watch fish, etc...  Now I'm stressed and worried what could I have done in my efforts of trying to be fit at 38.  I need some reassurance or information of what to expect.  

Thanks.

[kimi333]

HI Moonflower,
I feel for you. The ups and the downs. I'm 42 and in Thailand now trying to conceive. They have inexpensive IVF treatment here that is exceptional in Bangkok about 1/2 price of the US. Anyway, I had a miscarriage when I was 36. It was horrible, but in the end I think it was divine intervention. The man I was with was not a match for me, and I understand that most miscarriages happen due to genetic abnormalities. It was not planned, but I've wanted to be a mother my whole life, so the miscarriage was incredibly painful. With the miscarriage, I felt terrible. And soon after the experience, it seemed that everyone had forgotten but me. The doctors did not do a cleaning of my uterus, so the blood seemed to keep coming which reminded me every day of the experience.

Where I'm at now is that my husband and I will do a round of IVF. I call it arranging a "Play date" for the egg and sperm. My eggs have been coming very irregularly, so getting pregnant has been a problem. Our boundaries are that we will only use my egg and his sperm. If that doesn't happen, we will adopt. There are over 3.5 million children in the world that need parents. Even if we do get pregnant and I have a baby, we will probably adopt.

Ok. So what prompted me to write to you is about the baby shower. Have you heard of the "law of attraction"? Abraham Hicks? Well they talk about always reaching for the better feeling thought and going with the flow of the river instead of fighting the current. So, according to Abraham's principles, I would reach for the better feeling thought. Moving from depression to joy when I thought of children was difficult, because it's a huge jump. So, it's one small step at a time. Which for me is that I love children. I love their smiles. I love their laughter. Just thinking about these things makes me smile. Next, I feel the pleasure of having a child in my arms. That baby smell. I feel the joy in my heart for the sensation of my arms wrapped around a child. I imagine the joy of the mothers who have children. I send loving thoughts to every child I see and all the mothers and fathers, because i too want to be a mother. They say that like attracts like. And if you feel joy about something, you are drawing it to you. They also say that even if you are able to move into the better feeling thought for a short time that is good. it's a practice. And taking the time to vision what you want instead of the current "reality" of your not having a child. Each minute visioning and really feeling that vision draws what you are wanting to you. Visioning does not work if you are feeling the yucky feeling of not having what you want. It's about clearing out the unwanted for what you want for at least 1 minute each day. The more you do it, the better. There are all kinds of health reasons for doing this too.

To me, it's not about denying your feelings or being the bigger person. It's about choosing to be the magnet for that which you want. So, if you can go and feel joy about the babies on the way, and happiness for their mothers, I would go, if not, I wouldn't go. I would aim for feeling joy for would be mothers, sending them love and joy. It will draw the experience to you instead of being a magnet for what you don't want.

As an aside, those women might very likely not know how to speak with you about what you are experiencing without the fear of hurting you. Their sending you the invitations could be a way of saying that they care and don't want to alienate you. Yes, they could have called first, but I don't think that it's because they wanted to hurt you. They probably didn't know what to say. If you can, let their joy wash over you and imagine the joy you will have with children around. I know it's a fine line. I practice being open to having children in my life period. Whether they come from my body or not. That's the best I can do. It gives me more choices, more peace of mind, and more joy.

I know I will be a mother in some way. I'm not sure how. But I will be. I get baby time as often as I can with my best friend's children. I consider it practice for being a mother.

I just started doing Bikram yoga here in Thailand, and I will make sure I have a fan on me or can leave the room at the very least, and have some cold water with me during the time. I am loving the strengthening and the endurance of both my mind and body. I'm not a marathon runner, but I'm also not a stranger to exercise. The sweating is GREAT. It's like I can feel the toxins leaving my body. It will only be for three weeks (I have a month pass), and I'm not scheduled to do the IVF until the 20th when I've stopped the yoga. I was just about to ovulate when I first got here, so we had a scheduled natural play date first, so there is a chance I could be pregnant.

By the way, statistics are for groups of people, not individual. Be attentive to bringing the perfect child for you into your life.  
Sending you love and light.
Kimi

Check out - www.abraham_hick.com

[Moonflower09]

First, I want to say thank you for everyone's advice and support.  I can't express how much it has helped.  These last several months have been some of the most trying, depressing times.  I've tried hard to hold it together.  I think I'm doing ok, getting better, but have noticed the enormous amount of fatigue I now have.  I use to be so full of energy and life, and now it's a struggle to get through every day.  I can't believe I once ran and trained for marathons, triathlons, and did intensive yoga.  Where did that energy go?  I know it must be depression, though the sadness has lifted.

I can also tell that my fatigue is marked by certain events.  May 16th was my due date.  The entire month of May was a struggle.

I have now returned back to my bikram yoga practice.  I have missed it so much.  I was not practicing "just in case" I got pregnant again.  But after trying for over 6 months and my 40 birthday quickly approaching, I can't hold out much longer.  Maybe it's selfish, but at some point, I have to start taking care of me again.

It's taking me a LONG time to get to this point.  And though I know I'm doing "better", I've been faced with another painful reminder and delima.  The girls I've mentioned before are both pregnant.  One month apart, with the first one, being due next month.  She became pregnant just over a month from me.  This first girl is the one that's been so insensitive.  The second, I don't know nearly as well, and we've never had any conversations concerning my pregnancy or miscarriage, though I know she knows.

Last week, unexpectedly, I received their duel baby shower invitation.  No phone call, no message that it was coming, it just arrived in the mail.  I felt as though someone had punched me in the stomach.  Then a few days later, I received an email, that just said, "Hey, we just wanted to make sure you got the invitation to our baby shower."  No, hi, how are you doing, have you been ok,.... Just, we want to make sure you got it....  I'm trying so hard to get through this, but I feel like she is SO insensitive.  The thought of going to this shower brings tears to my eyes.  How am I going to set through them BOTH opening all those adorable baby gifts and not break down in tears.  I'm truly happy for them, but devastated for me and my husband.  I have no ill will and I'm glad their pregnancies have been successful.  But my pain is almost too much to bare.  And it goes deeper than just the miscarriage.  Approaching 40 I know I have very little time left and how much harder it is.  I am at the end of my reproductive life.  These girls are 29 and 28.  So not only does the thought of sitting through a baby shower bring up the pain of my loss because of the miscarriage, but I know there's also a reality that I have to face that it may never happen. We've been trying, with no success and that just adds to my frustration and pain.  I really don't want to attend this shower.  I am thinking of just sending them a card with a gift card to their home and skipping the shower.  Is this selfish of me and does it make me a horrible person?  I've gotten mixed messages from friends I've talked to.  Some say "be the bigger person" others say they couldn't image how painful it would be and agree going is just going to send me into another cycle of depression.  

I know I have to face it when the babies get here, I'm ok with that.  At least then when I see them and their babies, it'll be a family events for other purposes and the "babies" won't be the focus.

The thought of attending a shower all themed BABY and watching both of them celebrate when our due dates were so close feels unbearable.  

Any thoughts?  What should I do?  Should I speak to this girl directly and explain to her how I feel, or just forget about it?  I only wish that she would have been more sensitive and caring about what I've gone through.  A simple phone call from her would have made ALL the difference in the world.

[BettyBimble]

Thank you for being so honest. You poor wee thing, you sad thing, you falling apart thing  but also, you courageous thing, you candid and loving thing, you conscientious thing. I am 43 and last year finally got pregnant only to miscarry at what I thought was 12 weeks but which turned out to be at 7 only my body continued to "think" it was pregnant and I felt pregnant. It was bloody awful. At the time there were three of us, three friends pregnant - my two friends 6 to 7 weeks ahead. 9 months later (late March for both) and my two friends have had their babies. I thought I would be alright but the day one of the baby's was born and I held her in the hospital I began to sob. My friends, the parents of the new baby plus their two year old all crouched around me and cried too. A very loving experience. I am sorry your cousin-in-law is so brash and self-centred. What I found to help me is to remind myself that I am in my life, it is my life and I am living it for better and for worse. I am not my friends and they are not me, they are not better or worse then me. Similarly, you are in YOUR life, you are living in your body with your breath, and your arms, and legs and arms and heart, and feelings. You are living your life, you are becoming yourself in your life, a life presently full of losses but also gains, crowded with sorrows but also with kindnesses, as exemplified by the generous comments and care on these pages. YOU solicited those, YOU drew on your strength of openness and expressiveness (not your husband or your sister-in-law or anyone else).  

[time4Charlie]

Hi Moonflower!  Thank you for posting first of all.  I am mourning the loss of my pregnancy at 14 weeks and my life since has had enormous changes.  I just wanted to offer you love and hope and encouragement.  I have been a bikram student as well, but was not practicing during the time of conception to the loss of my acranial baby--a NTD with chromosome 13 defects--ring formation.  I have obsessively searched the internet and med forums and volunteered for a study through Duke University--anything to ease my mind and actively grieve.  I am TTC now, but haven't decided what I will do as far as continuing my bikram practice once I am late.  
All of the feelings you wrote about, I also have had.  My friends keep telling me that they all miscarried and that helps; but it is also hard hearing about those that are somehow luckier than me and that have carried their baby to term.  I really feel for you!  My friend who had four IVF's unsuccessfully proclaimed she would never adopt but now she has a three year old whom she and her partner totally adore.  But I know that it is not the same as carrying a child into the earth from one's own womb.  Oh, I hope that that will happen for both of us...
My boyfriend and I also struggled following our loss.  But I experience some relief knowing that the huge ups and downs may be related to my deep internal and primal grief experience which often reflects my deepest fear of being left alone or losing my attachment figures/SO's.  I agree that seeing a therapist might offer loads of support during this hard time.  I really hope you will continue to communicate on this thread.  I hope to hear good news from you, and will be holding your hopes in my heart.  

[tatorbug40]

hello.  I just read through all of this.  First off,  I am so sorry for all that you are going through.  Here are some thoughts from reading through your posts,  for what they are worth:

1.  My opinion would be that your loss was not related to the yoga...  unfortunately a lot of women miscarriage and it is typically due to genetic abnormalities.  Doesn't really make it any easier,  except that it was most likely nothing you did.  

2.  I have had two miscarriages, and two children-  my pregnancies go: miscarriage, daughter (now 5), miscarriage, son (now 2)...  the first miscarriage and my daughter were both unplanned pregnancies,  but the last two pregnancies were planned...  and let me tell you how stressful that was!  It took us 7 months to get pregnant after we started to try, and then we lost the baby...  being as it was my second miscarriage, I at least knew physically what to expect, etc...  but my marriage was suffereing as well...  we finally decided to take a trip together-  trust me,  we were fighting up until the trip,  I thought he was going to cancel it-  but once we got to the resort, we relaxed, drank, ate, and learned to love each other again...  it did both of us good!  If he is willing, you might try that-  once you get through it all it is easier to understand why your husband is feeling the way he is-  he loves you, and he can't understand what you are going through, emotionally or physically, and he doesn't want to see you hurt anymore-  it took my husband months to be able to tell me how much it killed him to see me hurt so badly-  but during that time he just acted angry all the time,  and it really came between us.

3.  All of that was years ago-  we did get pregnant again and had our son...  but we have been having a lot of marital problems the past 6 months or so (unrelated to our problems of the past), and just recently decided we were either going to split or get counciling-  we chose the councelor...  it is doing us wonders.  We have grown so much closer-  it is good to have someone there to help you talk to each other---  it is harder to just get angry with each other if there is some one helping you talk...  you might benefit from seeking some help,  and ask your husband if he'd go with you, just to support you...  if he thinks he is helping you get well again, and not that your "having problems", he might be more willing to go with you and talk about how he is feeling to...  just a suggestion.

4.  take a break...  for just a month or two-  don't think about trying to get pregnant-  don't have sex if you don't want to think about it...  I finally had to do that when we were trying-  I told him I needed a break from the ups and downs-  a month following our break we did get pregnant!  

5.  Hang in there-  I really think it will get better...  easier for someone to say then to believe-  trust me-  2 weeks ago I was ready to run away from life...  I was pretty depressed and couldn't stop crying-  but last week was a pretty good one...   what you are going through is very difficult and many of us have been there,  and for whatever comfort it brings-  we all survived it,  and most of our marriages did too...

hugs, and best of luck to you!

[Moonflower09]

This miscarriage has been the absolute worse thing of my life. Everything has just gone no where but south. It's even ruining my marriage. Looks like there will never be another child for me, seeing that now, looks like they'll be no husband. It's all been so distressing and now I'm depressed beyond words. My husband was so supportive in the beginning when it first happened. It even felt like it brought us closer, but, since January, it's all gone horriably wrong and it gets worse by the day. He was the one that wanted a child. Then I lost it. I know he was heartbroken. At first he was positive and asked when we could try again. I got the ok by my doc January 8. Then it just started falling apart. Our sex life went in the toilet. He kept saying he wanted us to keep trying, but he was completely disinterested and unwilling in sex. Then with each period, he'd be dissapointed. Now he's telling me he doesn't want to have sex with me because he's afraid he'll hurt me, and he's afraid if I get pregnant again and loose it, it'll break my heart. We fight now all the time and he sleeps on the couch. I don't know how much more I can take. It seems our marriage has completely fallen apart and is headed straight for separation and divorce. My life really sux. I've never been so depressed.